Author: Xuan Xiaolei
Follow me and accompany you to love
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Seeing an emotional experience online, the man said he was in his 40s, his wife was in his 30s, and he was 9 years younger.
The two have been married for more than ten years and have three children, but the wife has often not returned home at night in the past six months, and this time she has directly quit and not returned home.
After contacting his wife, he asked her why she always played outside and couldn't go home, and her wife said, "You can also go out and play..."
The man also found on his wife's mobile phone that she had bound other men's bank cards, and her cosmetics had increased significantly and at a high price, and the wife had become more likely to dress up than before.
It's clear that someone is paying for her consumption, and the man has even swiped the video of his wife getting intimate with other men on the Internet.
In the video, the wife and the man call each other "husband and wife", and the husband says: "It's like a knife piercing my heart..."
In this way, the marriage obviously cannot continue, and the man understands that the wife has changed her heart.
Obviously he was from the victim's point of view, but the wife later expressed her true thoughts. She said that she was too young and valued love, so she married this man who had nothing.
She didn't think he was poor, but now that more than ten years had passed, men were still very poor. It's not that he's unlucky, it's not that he didn't make money, but he can play cards and doesn't spend money to save money.
So even with three children, he couldn't give her and her children a home, still rented a house everywhere, still kept changing jobs, or tinkered with small businesses.
The woman was disheartened, saying that if she did not want to have children, she really would not return to the man.
After reading this, I want to express that point of view: it is the responsibility of two people to have problems in a marriage.
We should not judge one thing black and white, and we should not judge a person too extremely.
Of course, this is not to excuse people who make mistakes, but to say that there are reasons for making mistakes.
In other words, the relatives and loved ones around you make mistakes and have something to do with you.
The relationship between husband and wife is even more so, closely related and closely linked.
For example, this wife in the case of a colleague, she really should not, this is in marriage, no matter the family regardless of the children, the night does not return, outside with other people of the opposite sex, no matter what the reason and purpose, is not right.
He is really dissatisfied with his husband, he can mention the breakup, can negotiate and communicate, can remind him that he can't stand it without changing himself, and he will leave him.
It's like "first salute and then soldier", you have to give the other party a chance to change, if you still let yourself down, then use the formal way to leave him.
It is not possible to ask for it in marriage, which makes the husband embarrassed, and if the child knows, it will also be a psychological shadow.
It's a pity that people don't have so clear boundaries, and they may still enjoy some of the conveniences of this marriage, or they still have nostalgia for something, so they can't decide to leave.
But unwillingly, reluctant to stay by this side, feel that this marriage has been annoying, so they can't withstand the temptation of the outside world, and put their heads out of the wall.
For example, the wife in the colleague's example, she still has a plan for this marriage, what is the picture?
The picture is the child, and it is the child's reluctance. Since you have this heart, and since you still have the nature of a mother, you should first find a way to solve your dissatisfaction, rather than irresponsibly abandoning your husband and children and going to be willful first.
After all, if you really love your children, if you find that you can't count on this husband and father, you will find a way to change your life and maintain your children, rather than being discouraged and ignoring anything.
In this way, it seems that not giving up on children is also like an empty word, and most of them still do not want to have a positive conflict with their husbands.
After all, directly filing for divorce may usher in some storms, and you will have to face some entanglements or quarrels, or tears, or fragmented emotions.
People are afraid to face such a situation, so they often choose to escape, choose to place, first let themselves go, seek what they can't get in marriage, and force them to have no way out and then showdown.
Speaking of this husband, the wife has three children for him, and he certainly does not have much time and energy to earn money to help him support the family.
At the beginning, she did not dislike him poor, which meant that she was not a material person, but after following him for so many years, she still could not see hope, and she would completely lose confidence in him.
He must have also said, persuaded, and complained, and obviously had no effect, not only could not be counted on materially, but also spiritually he was not harmonious.
Coupled with so many years of marriage, the original love has naturally been consumed, so at such a time, the party who is disappointed in the partner can easily get out of the marriage and go outside to seek their unmet needs.
Russell said: "Marriage should be a two-sided partnership, with the intention of being long-lasting, at least until the children grow up, and cannot be considered a temporary private affair, and it should be followed." ”
A man should have this realization, marry a woman, she gives herself children, takes care of the child, takes care of the home, then he must go all out to give her and the child a home.
This is the responsibility, the foundation for living together for a longer time, and if there is no special reason, you cannot escape, nor should you escape.
If you don't take it seriously, don't do your job well and make money well, or spend money indiscriminately, so that your wife and children suffer and be poor with yourself, and can't shield them from the wind and rain, then the marriage is naturally precarious and collapses sooner or later.
In short, after a long time of marriage, the emotional foundation of the two couples is not solid, and it is easy to be separated by a little wind and rain.
This is a natural phenomenon, but relatively speaking, the material basis is more stable, the two couples are also positive, and the family is relatively more stable.
Therefore, when encountering a marriage change, or a partner changing his heart, it is useless to blindly blame, reflect on what you did wrong, can you improve?
If the other party is completely unreasonable or unwilling to be bland, there is no way to force it, but when two people solve this relationship, they must consider the child's problems, otherwise it will be too willful and irresponsible.