The neighbors quarreled again, and I was not surprised at all.
Since they moved in, a small quarrel in three days and a big quarrel in five days are about to form a law.
The houses in the urban village are very poorly soundproofed, and if you talk a little louder, the next house can hear it clearly. So almost every day, I hear words like, "Can't you just throw away the garbage?" "Why are you buying so many messy things?" "Can't you put your shoes away?" "Why don't you mess around when you're done with your stuff?" ...... It sounds like some trivial daily life, but these two people are always like eating gunpowder, and their sentences are full of resentment. Such a rhetorical question, in itself, has a sense of accusation, and it is easy to make people repulsive. In a way, this is a completely ineffective and negative communication. Professor Stephen Covey, a famous American educator, once wrote in "Seven Habits of High-Performance Families": "We are accustomed to shouting at our families, accusing without understanding, ordering without communicating, learning not to thank, and not knowing how to apologize, we all feel that we have paid too much for family life, but we ignore the most critical point: effective communication." "What is effective communication? It is not persuasion, let alone control, but let both sides reach a consensus. And this premise is to "talk well." 01. Good marriage, never being each other's "bad evaluators" began on Beijing Satellite TV's "I am an orator" program, the host Kou Naixin once told a piece of his own experience. Her husband is the famous music producer Wong Kwok Lun, and both of them are very strong and often confront each other when they encounter problems. Once, in a fit of rage, she actually blurted out: "Huang Guolun, by what point do you deserve my Kou Naixin, do you know that you are divorced, you are a second-hand commodity, you are not worthy of me!" At that time, Huang Guolun did not return his mouth, turned around to pack his luggage, pulled the suitcase to the door, turned back to her and said: "Carnation, some words can not be exported, do you know?" "And then it was gone. On the show, she said: "Sometimes, the more people who can talk, the easier it is to hurt people with your words." The more talkative people are, the more violent you will be with your words. For the first time, I discovered that I myself might be a domestic abuser. "Some words, coming out of the mouths of intimate people, are like the grit of teeth eaten in rice, and the harm comes, and it is impossible to prevent it. Although the mouth is unguarded for a while, it will also be like a nail, piercing into the heart of the lover and becoming the deepest wound in our hearts. There is no winner after the gunshot, and the same is true in marriage, no matter which side wins the argument, the end will only be a lose-lose situation. I believe that every marriage is initially because of love, so why let each other become each other's "bad evaluators"? You know, the most taboo thing in marriage is to blindly accuse and complain. Those marriages that really go long and happy know how to respect, encourage and understand each other. Such as Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai. Qian Zhongshu is a big talent, but his life skills can be described as clueless, and even often damage things at home, every time It is Yang Dai who comes to clean up the mess: the lamp is broken, repaired; the ink stains the tablecloth, washes. Qian Zhongshu would be as worried as a child who had made a mistake every time, and Yang Dai always replied: "It doesn't matter." She knew that since things had already happened, it would not help to be angry, so it was better to talk well to reassure him.
Qian Zhongshu also never hesitated to praise, calling Yang Dai "the most talented woman and the most virtuous wife." He also wrote in the preface to The Siege: "The book was written for two years. Because of Ms. Yang Dai's constant supervision, she blocked many things for me, saved time, and was able to write it with accumulation. As usual, this book should be dedicated to her. Even at the last moment of his life, the most nagging thing in his heart was Yang Dai- on December 19, 1998, Qian Zhongshu, who was already skinny due to his serious illness, used all his strength to say a sentence: "Dai, good life (good life)", and closed his eyes forever. Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai let us see what is the best appearance of marriage. Marriage, essentially, is a dynamic social interaction that changes with each other. Good words and good words will also develop in a good direction; bad words will only make the marriage collapse day by day. A good marriage requires you to speak well. 02. Good education, starting from the refusal to "hit" to talk about the problem between husband and wife, we turn our attention to the child. Most Chinese families lack the habit of expressing emotions and needs, especially between parents and children, often falling into the logic of "I raise you and I have the final say", lacking active listening and communication. In this environment, it is easy for parents to transform their own pressures and troubles into satire and humiliation of their children. Knowing the words of the last netizen, it is very moving: I know that my inferiority and cowardice, I want to change but can't do anything, because my parents' words "did not show up" and "shame" from childhood have left a mark on my life... I could not have been like that, as long as they said, "You're great." "The wounds of the flesh are visible, while the wounds caused by the blows of language are traceless and difficult to heal. Parents who treat blows as education often do not understand that verbal violence is more permanently hurt than physical violence, and even affects their self-esteem and personality. Perhaps some parents will think that their children have to suffer a few more blows in order to learn to resist pressure and withstand setbacks and tests.
However, psychologists have found that the regular blows of parents will only make children become inferior, fall into self-doubt and self-denial, and suffer from psychological diseases in severe cases, resulting in many extreme behaviors. The Shenyang Psychological Research Institute once did a study and found that many juvenile offenders often suffered from their parents' language attacks in childhood. "Pig brain", "waste", "just know to eat", "shame", "people are better than you"... Maybe the parents just casually say a word, an evaluation, for the child is a label that is tightly attached to the body, even if you forget, the child will remember clearly. As psychologist Dr. Susan Foward writes in Poisoned Parents, "Children don't distinguish between facts and jokes, they believe what their parents say about themselves and turn them into their own ideas." "So, stop hitting as education, your children care about you far more than you think." There was once a girl of short stature who fell in love with table tennis, and almost everyone thought she had no talent, laughed at her, and made her give up. But her father insisted on saying to her, "You're excellent, really. "This girl is Deng Yaping." There was also a young woman who failed the list after taking the graduate school exam twice, and she was 28 years old at the time. When she was struggling with whether to give up, her mom told her, "It's never too late to change yourself." The following year, she was admitted to the Beijing Broadcasting Institute as a graduate student. This young woman is the famous CCTV host Jing Yidan. You see, encouragement is the ladder for children to move forward. Parents should also be the support and support of their children, not the source of fear. Good words are a window that parents open to their children to let him see the vast world outside; while bad words are a knife that will only leave wounds of different depths in the child's heart. The best way to educate children is to speak well.
There is a saying on the Internet that we often give the best to outsiders, but leave the worst temper to the people closest to us.
For example, when you meet a strange old man on the bus, you will take the initiative to stand up and give up your seat; the beggar who passes by will help you; the more you meet unfamiliar people, the more restrained and courteous you are.
But for their relatives, they seem to be used to it, indifferent to them, even demeaning, cold war, ming and ming dynasty, day and night, but hurt each other. This, absolutely not. What are people most afraid of in this life? Presumably just crossed the hill and found no one waiting. Just like you can afford to charge a phone for 5 minutes, but you can't buy someone who talks to you for 2 minutes; you can afford expensive drugs but you can't buy someone to accompany you to the doctor. People around me come and go, and only family members are always with them. Family is the most precious treasure in our life. Since there is love, please say it well. Source of this article: This article is comprehensively compiled from the public account godson manual, I am a mother. The above pictures and texts, you are sharing, the copyright belongs to the original author and the original source, the content is the author's point of view, does not mean that the public account endorses its views and is responsible for its authenticity. If it involves copyright and other issues, please contact us in time.