Parents can't cut the leeks completely, why do they need to hire "experts" to educate their children?

Tencent Parenting

2024-05-21 10:30Posted on the official account of Tencent Parenting in Beijing

Recently, a video of a so-called "education expert" visiting her home has sparked a lot of controversy on the Internet, claiming that she can rely on the "Genius Teaching Children Method" to turn children into geniuses without spending a penny of tuition money. During the home visit, this "expert" reprimanded the child throughout the whole process, and even rudely asked to smash all kinds of dolls and toys, and asked to install surveillance in the child's room, which shocked many people. Why are there really so many parents who believe, follow, be controlled by "experts", at the mercy of and complacent? They never try to understand the meaning of education and the truth of life, do not understand that it is their responsibility to raise a child with a sound personality and a strong sense of happiness, and they are full of only thinking about buying a shortcut mode, and they are eager to pay a little money to immediately build the child into an "ideal type". In this issue of Tencent News's "Growing Up Story", we invite Tencent News Knowledge Officer and National Second-level Psychological Counselor Qingtian Mother; Uncle Ao, a national second-level psychological counselor and a national family education guidance vocational skills appraisal evaluator; Liu Yonghe, a master's degree in social psychology at the National People's University and a national second-level psychological counselor, talked about why education is a popular miracle drug?

Sunny Mom: What do you think of some of the wrong ways and practices in the current home education?

Uncle Ao: There are a lot of such cases, in my work, the most common request of parents is to give them some ideas on how to discipline and restrain their children, parents do not care too much about the law of children's growth, they care about the administrative constraints similar to the adult world, they want family education to become a school education or a kind of business management.

Liu Yonghe: Behind these parents is actually a utilitarian, very purposeful education model, which just caters to the mentality of many parents today, parents do not know how to educate their children scientifically, at this time, who can make them quickly see results, they will feel who is the most practical. Therefore, the characteristic of Chinese family education is that it must see results, and it is short-term and fast.

Sunny Mother: How do you think that some parents turn to experts to solve family education problems when they encounter them?

Uncle Ao: In our specific work, we don't recommend that you blindly find experts. There are two kinds of experts, one is a theoretical expert, they may do extensive research, and can not solve the problems of parents, the successful experience in family education is often difficult to replicate, but the lessons of failure can be learned. The other is an application-oriented expert, if the child really has a problem, it is no problem to go to a family education instructor, but just like the hospital will divide the department, the education expert also has a field that he is good at and a field that has been cultivated for a long time, not that the doctor in the hospital in a white coat can treat any disease.

Sunny Mother: In fact, from an academic point of view, family education will be divided into psychology, pedagogy, developmental psychology, cognitive psychology, etc., there will be many subdivisions, but at present, many family education on the market has no system and framework.

Sunny Mom: There are some experts who have not undergone any academic training, but can say some extremely inflammatory remarks, is this type of expert a "miracle drug of education"?

Liu Yonghe: I scoff at such experts. It is actually a normal phenomenon for parents to trust and follow experts, because parents have a sense of strangeness to this professional field, and they hope that experts in this field can give them some guidance, and they will have a great sense of security and trust. But with the development of the Internet, everyone has the potential to become an education expert, and some education experts may just be educated, plus the image and temperament, and the packaging is very in place in all aspects, so it is likely to make everyone feel that this is a credible person, but in fact, they are all acted.

Sunny Mom: There are several criteria to judge: first, whether the expert has systematically learned relevant knowledge, which is cognitive experience; second, whether the expert has practiced it systematically, which is an experience in action; Thirdly, if this expert tells you how the child is, is he a parent himself?

Sunny Mom: How to stay away from the wrong way of education of superstitious experts?

Uncle Ao: Most of the cases are unavoidable. A professional expert must have the characteristics of business, first of all, he must have a complete theoretical system; The second is that there is a model of homeschooling, there is a set of techniques; The third is practical experience. We now see a lot of family education training institutions, their offline training is actually similar to business training, using some words to stimulate parents' anxiety, and using some business models instead of technical models to solve problems. Even many offline family education guidance classes are trusted, a study group of 18 people, most of them may be trusted, and only one or two are target customers.

Sunny Mom: Some of the current experts are commercial, some are professional, and it involves a theoretical system and includes a lot of things. Some institutions are still relatively conscientious, some institutions just have no conscience, some experts are also very conscientious, and some experts have no conscience, so we still have to carefully discern them.

Sunny Mom: What do you think of the phenomenon of expert liars?

Liu Yonghe: We all know a sentence in family education, parents take medicine when a child is sick, this is a very easy to understand and important sentence, but parents are unwilling to admit and accept such a fact. If there is an expert who says that your child has a problem and only needs to do what to solve the problem, then he will definitely get traffic, because this traffic is a need from the parents' hearts, and the parents think that I have given birth to a child, but the child's problems should be taken care of by someone who understands education, and I am just assisting in doing this.

Uncle Ao: Actually, China's parent-child education is a very interesting market, in my opinion, it is an immature mature market, and its maturity lies in its immaturity, which is why it will lead to this kind of blooming of a hundred flowers, and there are all kinds of people. I have been doing education for many years, and I have found that China's vast territory has caused a kind of information asymmetry for everyone, and the college entrance examination policy is different in each province, which leads to different anxiety of parents in different regions, and the impact of many experts and short videos on family education is superficial, and even has some harm, which will exacerbate the anxiety of families.

Sunny Mom: When parents make judgments, it is divided into two steps, the personal experience that the expert says makes you feel good is only the first step, and the second step is whether he has systematic theories and methods to solve your problems. If an expert only has the first step, there is a high probability that he is just a salesperson, or he is just a good actor.

Sunny Mom: What is the right way to home school?

Liu Yonghe: A good way of education is to live with children, such as eating, chatting, reading and sleeping with children, I think this is the best way to educate, accompanying children is the most basic thing for parents to do, this is the parent-child management between parents and children, don't just invite an expert or private trainer to accompany the child at home, this is not a good phenomenon. In addition, I never shoot children's videos on the Internet, because I think that when parents interact with their children, if they are very focused, it is impossible to adjust the camera position and adjust the speech to achieve a good video effect, so that the child is not responsible, and not all children are suitable for being exposed to the camera, and not all children are willing to be exposed to the camera.

Uncle Ao: Family education is to cultivate personality, school education is to cultivate and improve IQ, the most important thing in family education is to establish a sense of security for children, and the establishment of a sense of security mainly comes from companionship and care. Children are very stressed, once stressed, the child's brain will basically be in a state of downtime, the more I want the child to read well, the more high-pressure way to educate the child, will only make the child's IQ stagnant, and will produce a lot of psychological trauma.

Sunny Mother: How should parents cultivate their children's character, abilities and interests?

Liu Yonghe: This belongs to personality education, these things need to be paid attention to from the child's childhood, I think interest is not developed, but discovered, everyone is easy to be affected by social interests, such as taekwondo and the like, but the child himself has judgment, on the one hand, from curiosity, on the other hand, from personal talent, parents can be found through observation and communication. It is good for parents to let their children participate in more free trial classes before they are six years old, and they can experience and understand more.

Sunny Mom: How to Become a Qualified Parent?

Liu Yonghe: High-quality companionship is a very core concept in early education, and preschool is the core stage of family education, which is the golden companionship period. In the early days, if each child has his own interests, each child has his own friends, and is respected and trusted, then the child will not have serious psychological problems, but only if there is high-quality companionship.

Uncle Ao: I would like to give you four tips, first, parents should listen to persuasion and study hard, most parents, whether they are knowledgeable or ordinary people, they lack educational knowledge and skills; Second, family education and their own family responsibilities and family roles are indispensable, many parents often do one set of their own, but take another set of standards to require their children; Third, when selecting experts, it is necessary to assess whether their educational philosophy is very solid; Fourth, it is very important that the child must have a personality.

Sunny Mother: Accept that you can't be a perfect parent, and then try to learn as much as possible, make yourself in a better state, relax, and believe that you have a good relationship with your child, this thing is more important than which genre and technology you use, not only one set of methods to raise the child well, we go to find the most comfortable state for ourselves and the child, and we must also be wary of those bullying, brainwashing, PUA-style experts.

Finishing: Chen Yanbo

Review: Cai Juan

Copyright Notice:This article is an exclusive manuscript of Tencent Parenting, and it is forbidden to be reprinted by the media without authorization, but you are welcome to forward it to your personal circle of friends.

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