On a sunny weekend, Aunt Li watched her five-year-old grandson, Xiao Ming, in the park. The child is playing by the slide but falls from the same place again and again. Aunt Li was anxious, and she kept reminding Xiao Ming to pay attention, but it didn't seem to have any effect. It made her feel both frustrated and helpless.
This is not a unique situation in Aunt Li's family, but a common problem faced by countless parents and grandparents in the process of parenting. Why do children make the same mistakes over and over again? Most parents try their best to teach their children, but they often overlook one crucial method: emotional resonance. In this article, we'll explore how you can help your child learn to learn from their mistakes and avoid repeating them by strengthening their emotional connection with them.
Why children make the same mistake over and over again: cognitive and psychological perspectives
It is a complex phenomenon for children to make the same mistakes repeatedly as they grow up, often related to their cognitive development and psychological state. In the early stages of a child's development, their brain is still being formed, which affects their decision-making ability and the stability of their behavioral habits. Psychological research has shown that children's executive functions – that is, the ability to plan, make decisions, and suppress impulses – are not yet fully mature, which can lead them to repeat the same mistakes. In addition, children have a limited understanding of adult expectations and rules, which often leads to misunderstandings and repetitive patterns of behavior.
Misunderstandings in education: The common methods used by parents are extremely insufficient
When dealing with a child's mistakes, parents often use educational methods such as reprimanding, punishing, and repeatedly explaining why the behavior is wrong. Although these methods have their direct effects, they often ignore the child's intrinsic emotional needs and psychological motivations.
Punishment: It may be effective in the short term, but in the long run, it can lead to rebellion, or to follow the rules superficially in order to avoid punishment, rather than truly understanding the nature of the mistake.
One-way explanation: When parents simply emphasize the consequences of mistakes, rather than guiding the child to understand the reasons behind the behavior, the child may not be able to fully absorb and understand the information.
These common educational strategies often lack consideration of the child's psychological state, fail to stimulate the child's intrinsic motivation, and fail to establish the emotional and logical connection between the child and the consequences of the behavior. Therefore, parents need to have a deeper understanding of their children's psychological and behavioral patterns, and help their children fundamentally understand and correct their mistakes through emotional resonance and appropriate guidance.
The key that parents often overlook is emotional resonance
Emotional empathy is a key element in parenting, and it can penetrate into the child's inner world much more than just blaming or praising them. Emotional empathy not only helps with behavioral issues, but also strengthens the parent-child relationship and makes children feel understood and supported.
1. The central role of emotional resonance
Emotional resonance refers to parents' perception, understanding, and reaction to their child's emotions. This process involves identifying the child's emotions, understanding the reasons behind them, and appropriately expressing empathy for that emotion. When children make mistakes, the presence of emotional empathy can help them understand and accept their emotions instead of suppressing or ignoring them, leading to better behavioral choices in the future.
2. Practical Strategies: How to Implement Emotional Resonance
Listen carefully: When a child expresses his or her feelings, parents need to put down all their work, listen patiently, and do not interrupt, criticize, or give solutions immediately.
Reflect emotions: Parents can use statements such as "You may be feeling disappointed" or "It looks like you're bothered today" to express their understanding of their child's emotions.
Discuss solutions: Discuss solutions to problems with your child. Ask the child, "How do you think we can avoid this problem next time?" Such questions can promote a child's thinking and sense of responsibility.
Show support: Tell your child that you will support them whether they succeed or fail. This sense of security is the basis for a child's self-adjustment and learning.
3. Conversation examples
Scenario: The child is frustrated because of poor math performance.
Parent: "I can tell you're disappointed with this result. ”
Child: "Yes, I think I'm stupid. ”
Parent: "I understand how you feel right now, we've all had similar moments. Do you want to find out why we can do better next time? ”
With these concise and straightforward methods, parents can communicate with their children more effectively and help them learn from their mistakes instead of repeating them. This approach not only promotes the child's emotional development, but also strengthens the trust and understanding between the parent and the child.