1. The kidnapper called: "Your girlfriend is in my hands, and I will get 1 million in 24 hours, otherwise I will tear up the ticket." Dad: "Money is fine, but can you give it to you a few days later?" "Robbery

1. The kidnapper called: "Your girlfriend is in my hands, and I will get 1 million in 24 hours, otherwise I will tear up the ticket." Dad: "Money is fine, but can you give it to you a few days later?" Robber: "Why?" Dad: "Tomorrow double 11." Robber: "5 million, or you will be released immediately." ”

2. The son of the richest man in our city is getting married. The daughter-in-law is a very low-key person, the day before the wedding to buy a car, the daughter-in-law just need to buy a popular golf. The son went home to his father and said, "Dad, I am going to get married the day after tomorrow, and my fiancée said that she would buy golf before she would marry." His dad: "This... Golf is also quite expensive. Son: "Am I your own son, you have become the richest man, is there still a little money?" The next day, his father said: "Son, I bought the golf that your daughter-in-law wants, and it cost me 5 billion yuan, you must live a good life." “

3. Because of the quarrel, I didn't say a word to my husband for two days, and on the third day, I didn't control it, hugged my husband and said: "I'm sorry, I'm not good, don't ignore me okay?" My husband patted me and apologized: "Actually, I have something wrong..." In this way, we reconciled (when I finish my birthday tomorrow, I will continue to ignore you)     

4 When I was at Tsinghua University, I met my girlfriend, who was particularly cute. She came to visit my house for the first time that day, and the family liked her straight nature. At dinner, I asked my father what his affiliation was. I said: It's the most stubborn in the zodiac! Guess what? The second girlfriend didn't even think about it and directly replied: Donkey! Then I saw that the old man was blue in the face, and the other people on the table were directly injured.

5 The Internet café checked my ID card, and I cleverly hid in the bathroom. At this time, I heard a knock on the door outside, and a girl gasped and shouted, "Is there anyone, I want to come in and hide." As soon as I heard the music, I hurriedly opened the door and pulled her in. The girl was not lightly frightened, patted her chest and said, "It's over if you get caught, thank you!" I scratched my head and said sheepishly, "Please show your ID, or please come with us."

6 I am 800 degrees nearsighted, but I don't like wearing glasses because it affects my handsome face. Today on the road I saw a round thing running towards me. It was a puppy, and I squatted down and cried out "zuo~zuo~" in my mouth. It wasn't until the object touched me that I saw it was basketball.

7 It's almost my birthday and I'm curious about what gift my husband gave me. Me: Husband, tomorrow is my birthday, what are you going to send me? Husband: What do you want? I try to satisfy you. Me: I saw a diamond ring yesterday, big and beautiful! Husband: Oh, you know, I've been getting a lot of money lately... Me: Haha, I tease you, am I the kind of vain woman? People just want you to kneel tonight on the keyboard! Husband: Go, buy a diamond ring and go!

8 I'm a Maybach sales consultant who makes 36,000 calls a year to unfamiliar customers. Of these, 28,000 will pick up, 11,050 will listen to me, 3,008 will be interested, 1,121 will come out to see, and 294 will be interested. Then in between, I would negotiate with each of them, and then I would only have 53 left to buy them. In the end, there can be 20 transactions, and these 20 orders will make me 8 million yuan.

9 While playing a game at home, a phone call came out and I was asked if I needed a loan. I said, "Yes." He asked, "So how much do you need to borrow?" I said, "500 million." Then he was stunned and asked, "What assets do you have?" I said, "I have two mountains in Australia and two buildings in Shanghai." "Before I could finish speaking, he hung up my phone, was I wrong?

10 A colleague called me for a drink, and she wore a white dress. I teased her: Oh, so pretty, like a princess. The colleague smiled happily and said: Really, is it like Princess Elsa? I smiled evilly and said, "No, like Princess Lingyue!" Colleague: Who is she? Me: Princess Lingyue was once the first beauty. Seeing that my colleague opened the mobile phone Baidu, I quickly ran away!

11 When a female colleague asked me to go for a walk in the grove, she asked me, "Brother, let's play a fun game!" I thought for a moment: "Say a tongue twister." The female colleague glared at me and said, "You're going to do this?" "I was angry and looked down on anyone. I chose a tree, climbed it in a few clicks, condescended, and said, "What?" Am I awesome? ”

The female colleague snorted and ignored me. I chuckled softly: "Not convinced, do you have the ability to come up?" The female colleague stomped her feet in anger and asked me to go down. She said breathlessly: "Brother, you are really funny, you don't know how to grasp such a good opportunity, you play acrobatics with me?" Are you still not a man? I was really angry, planning to move the real thing, when I took her hand, the female colleague immediately laughed: "Brother, you have finally opened the trick!" ”

I dragged her around in the woods, nimbly like a monkey. Ten minutes later, the female colleague was so tired that she told me to stop quickly, but she really couldn't run. At this time, the female colleague's phone rang, it was her boyfriend who called, she only began to speak, the other party asked her so breathless, I went over and said: "Just ran for ten minutes can you not breathe?" ”