1, the sister-in-law has lived in my house for more than a month, today the wife said to the sister-in-law: Sister, I found that you came to this month a lot lighter.? The sister-in-law said: This is not the credit of the brother-in-law.? The wife immediately became serious, and then asked: What happened to your brother-in-law? I was not convinced, and said: You see your sister, eating with me is very delicious, and the weight has increased a lot. The sister-in-law skimmed her lips and said: That's because flowers inserted into cow dung can absorb the nutrients in cow dung, and my flowers will only be smoked by cow dung!?
2. My 3-year-old nephew greets me at lunch. The little nephew doesn't eat and play, so I beat the little nephew! Before leaving, the little nephew said: Aunt, give me the handkerchief, I will wipe the tears clean, don't let my grandfather see it! I wondered: Why didn't I let Grandpa see it? Little nephew: I'm afraid he'll beat you!
3. Returning to work after years, I am recently worried about buying a house. After smoking a cigarette in the smoking room, a colleague was surprised and asked: Hey, how did you learn to smoke? I laughed and laughed and said, "I'll steal the forbidden fruit from Adam and Eve!" Just after saying that, another smoking colleague next to him was suddenly introduced to the topic, laughing and asking: Do you know why Adam and Eve stole the forbidden fruit? I shook my head in shock: I don't know! He laughed and said, "Because Adam didn't smoke!"
4. My class transferred a transfer student today. After class, I took the initiative to go to the new classmates and almost said: Brother, after our class, we must be careful, our class teacher is a menopausal woman, punish students every day, you must remember not to offend her! The new classmate said awkwardly: It's all right. Me: What I said is true, you don't have to be wrong, you can't eat and walk around if you annoy her! New Classmate: It's okay, she's my mom! I cried and said: Big brother, I was wrong, please don't make a small report with your mother, okay??
5, the landlady called me to the office alone, said: "Tell you a story, a boss and secretary on a business trip, after the work opened two rooms, the secretary sent a text message to the boss in the evening 11-9=13." The boss replied with a "good night" and then the secretary resigned the next day, you know why? "I said I don't know. The landlady said she didn't know either. The next day, the landlady arranged for me to go on a business trip with her, and in the evening, she sent me a message, 11-9=13. I thought about it for a moment and replied with a good night. After returning from a business trip, the landlady fired me. I was angry enough to go to her and said, "What do you mean, in the story, the employees took the initiative to resign, and you don't play your cards according to the routine!" The landlady chuckled and said, "The story is the message sent by the employee first..." I was stunned, and the order was wrong at the beginning. But I still don't understand, what is going on with 11-9=13? I know!
6, this day is very coincidental that I just returned from a business trip, I caught up with the company dinner, a female colleague was drunk, I drove her home. I was worried that this matter would cause some misunderstanding, so I did not tell my wife about it. The next day, when I was driving my wife to work, I suddenly noticed that there was a woman's shoe at her feet. So when his wife did not pay attention, he quickly picked it up and threw it out of the window, which was relieved. When I arrived at my wife's unit, my wife looked down and said strangely: What about my other shoe? Hey, whose shoes are these?
7. My wife and I have been married for five years, and she and I discussed a shared bank card, and each person paid a salary and deposited 500 yuan in it. I hold the card, the password she sets, but no one can spend the money inside, and don't tell the children how much money is in it, and surprise them after death! On this day, I stumbled upon her to tie the card to Alipay and also to Taobao. As a result, I checked the balance and saw that there was still 12 dollars in the card! Wife, aren't you afraid that after we die, the children will not even burn the paper for us after seeing that there are only a few dollars? "
8. My cousin's child scored 703 points in the college entrance examination, and the whole family followed in a hurry. Asked why he was in a hurry, he said that Tsinghua University was too far away, Zhejiang University Jiaotong University could not be determined, and Wuhan universities were wasted. That is indeed a bit urgent, the children of the second cousin's family are three points more than a line, just say: Pick a good two good professional problem. The whole family is ready to travel in a few days. "
9, Dad bought a lottery ticket some time ago and won 5 million, Dad was in a good mood and brought me a Porsche 911. He was so happy that he had to let me accompany him shopping for clothes. In an upscale clothing store, Dad looks at a dress. He calmly said to me, "You try it, and if it looks good, buy one for my wife." "Miss Shopping Guide, what kind of eyes do you have, I am a daughter, not what you think!"
10. In the evening, the sister-in-law Didi took a taxi home, and after arriving at the place, she gave 50 yuan as 10 yuan to the driver!! Driver — look, close the door immediately and speed up, past two intersections, red lights, driver stops. At this time, it was found that the sister-in-law actually caught up, and then the sister-in-law pulled the door open, and the driver was frightened and shouted: "I was wrong, the money is returned to you!" The sister-in-law punched the driver in the face and scolded: "You are blind, the car door is clipped with the old woman's clothes!" ”?
11. At 9:30 p.m., when preparing to rest, someone knocked on the back window of my brother's house, and the other party: Brother Wang, did your family sleep? It is the second generation of the rich next door, the brother replied: No. Fu Er Dai asked: Then have you been on the kang? The brother said: Shangkang. Fu Er Dai said: Then have you undressed? Brother on fire: What's the matter with you? Fu Er Dai said: My house is on fire. Brother: Didn't you say it earlier when it was on fire!
#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #
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