1. When I was in high school, I went to school and went home after late self-study. While my parents were asleep, I secretly watched a movie on my mobile phone in the bed. Just when the performance was intense, there was no sound! I

1. When I was in high school, I went to school and went home after late self-study. While my parents were asleep, I secretly watched a movie on my mobile phone in the bed. Just when the performance was intense, there was no sound! It didn't help me to turn on the volume until I was drunk, and it didn't help to plug in the headphones, so I was very confused. At this time, my door was suddenly opened, and my father threw the Bluetooth headset on my window with no expression on his face...

2, the father-in-law retired in the electronics factory, with the pension to buy a BMW 525, and then gave me the Buick Yinglang who had been driving for 5 years. During the May Day holiday, I drove this car with my wife on a self-driving tour. Driving and suddenly getting lost, he said to his wife: Daughter-in-law, quickly guide the voyage. The wife shouted: It's over, I forgot to charge my phone last night, husband, bring your phone, I'll navigate. In this way, every time I drive a section of the road, my wife gives me a mouth. I was confused by my wife and kept asking: Why are you beating me, what is wrong with me? The wife said angrily: Every time you pass by the bath, the WiFi of your mobile phone is automatically connected.

3, the girlfriend has a weird niece! Every time she went to her girlfriend's house, she bought something delicious for her niece, and every time her niece took the food, she would say: Thank you! The same goes for going to my girlfriend's house today. But my girlfriend's mother said, "Give you so much good food, you can't say more nice things." My girlfriend niece looked at me and scratched her head and said, "Uncle! You're much more handsome than your aunt's ex-boyfriend! Much more sensible!

4, today and my husband quarreled, on the subway we did not say a word, like strangers today when the subway stopped inertia is very large, a stumbling husband in his arms, he held me and never let go of a young man next to us with a shocked face. Then he took a few steps towards the girl next to him...

5, dad bought more than 3 million yuan, I lived the life of the second generation of the rich. Eating hairy crab crayfish every day, I became fatter and fatter. I felt that I would not be able to find a boyfriend in this way, so I began to lose weight, and finally lost a lot of weight. The old mother looked at the pain and said: Girl, don't have to lose weight so hard, fat girl Wangfu! It turns out I'm 32 years old and still haven't found a boyfriend. Mom would say, "Can you give me some moderation?" Although I told you at that time that I was fat, you had to find my husband and eat it again!

6, the landlady said that she saw me squeezing the bus to work on the gas, today is already intolerable, she called me to the office and said: "Are you interested?" I put 5 cars there eating dust, you don't want to drive? Have to squeeze the bus? Or did you tick, the old age card, didn't let the driver throw you out? I said: "Leader, it is good to squeeze the bus, and there are many beautiful women on the bus." The landlady became more and more angry, and threw me a car key: "From tomorrow onwards, drive to work, this is the company's regulations!" "I didn't accept it, she said it lightly, just give a car, who will refuel?" Do I have to sell insurance at the end of the year? And I suspect that she gave it to me because she was afraid that her car would not rust. With my IQ of 150, can I fool her?

7, sister: Doctor, my throat is very sore, please check me out. Doctor: Okay, you open your mouth and say" "Ah." Sister: Ah... Doctor: No, you can't see clearly, do it again, you open your mouth again. Sister: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Doctor: Still not, this patient, you just "ah" on the line... Don't lick every time I put a flashlight in front of my mouth...

8, cooked rice at noon, found that there is no steamed bun at home. Then he called the three-year-old baby: "Baby, how about helping your mother buy steamed buns in the small shop?" Baby Happy Drip took ten dollars and left. Just as it was about to start eating, the baby returned with the coins he had retrieved and a packet of Wangzai's small steamed buns...

9, with my husband to fight home, halfway I actually fell asleep. When I got to the door, my husband woke me up. I got out of the car in a daze, and by the time I felt a chill on the soles of one foot, the taxi was already far away. Just as I was taking my husband out of the air, the taxi fell back. The driver's eldest brother: "Along the way, I wondered if you two must have eaten stinky tofu." I just felt wrong, only to find that there was a shoe in the back seat, and the smell was even worse than stinky tofu... "I...

10, eating dumplings at home, I dipped too much chili oil and accidentally choked up and coughed, and immediately my dad rushed to pour water. Watching my father bring the water over, I reached out to pick it up, but I was slapped away. Dad put the water in front of my mother, and thoughtfully said: Wife, you eat dumplings carefully, don't choke, I pour you a cup of water here, feel spicy to drink ah! I......

11, the day before the wedding, the old man said to me: Xiao Wang, the girlfriend is spoiled by me, you don't spoil her too much, you should still manage it, and it is okay to beat her twice. I was moved to tears, this old man is enlightened. Today is the second day after marriage, I said to my wife: Your father said, if you do too much, you can beat it when you should be beaten. Not long after I finished speaking, I received a call from my father-in-law: Xiao Wang, you are a professional household of the pit old man, you said that if you can't stop it, don't harm me, now it's good, I'm also driven out!

12, the daughter asked her wife: "Mom, why do adults tell stories, every time they have to start from 'Once upon a time there was a place... 'Start? My wife looked at me and replied, "Not everyone loves to start telling stories like this, and some people start telling stories from 'Today's work is too busy, so it's late to come back... 'Go. ”

13, in the morning is eating breakfast, a man next to a whisper to a girl confessed " Marry me, I will steal the battery to raise you later!" The girl nodded shyly! I laughed secretly, "These two people are really funny, and they are joking like this~" When I went out to ride a bicycle to go home, I wiped, it turned out that they were not joking, really stole my battery...

14, seeing a 4S shop selling Porsche so cheap, the local tycoon decisively and generously took out 1,000 yuan to the table: "I bought a Porsche." The salesman exclaimed, "Sir, you're kidding, this little down payment isn't enough." "Didn't it say Porsche 911 outside?" Salesman: "Well, you go out and go forward, and the Ferrari of that company is only 599!" ”