1, the first time I slept with my boyfriend, I hid in the bed and did not dare to come out. My boyfriend saw that I was unwilling and embarrassed to force me, so we fell asleep at a long distance

1, the first time I slept with my boyfriend, I hid in the bed and did not dare to come out. My boyfriend saw that I was unwilling and embarrassed to force me, so we fell asleep at a long distance. At night, suddenly the boyfriend said that this life is so short. At that time, I slipped into his arms and asked him shyly: Have you ever fought for anyone? As a result, the boyfriend came to say: My stomach has been frozen for an hour, and I don't cover the quilt anymore, and I guess I really have diarrhea

2, watching TV dramas with my wife, the life and death played above, we burst into tears when we watched it. My wife suddenly asked me, "You say that if I also get a certificate, what will I do if I die?" I said, "You can drink with your brother and have fun." Then I asked him, "What if I die?" Only to see the wife said viciously: "I will also drink with your brother with confidence, casual hi!" ”

3, the man is introverted, it is difficult to pluck up the courage to confess to the girl, the result was rejected! The man said with inferiority: Forget it, I don't want to get married in my life! Out of pity, the girl comforted him and said, "Why does the eldest husband suffer from wifelessness?" I reject you, not necessarily others will reject you. The man was not only not happy when he heard this, but also sighed and said: Even you don't want me, who else wants me...

4, my father is very fond of dogs, used to spend 590,000 to buy a purebred Tibetan mastiff, I have a very good relationship with this Tibetan mastiff. I remember once I was playing hide-and-seek with my friends, and everywhere I went, this Mastiff followed me, causing me to hide no matter where I was hiding, as long as I saw my mastiff on the side and felt that I could find me. Later, in order not to let the Tibetan mastiff follow, I threw it two steamed buns, taking advantage of the fact that it did not pay attention to the bottom of the cabinet. Unexpectedly, I was not found by my friends, but the Tibetan mastiff found that I was missing after eating the steamed buns, and dragged me out from under the cabinet!

5, Min Mi and her boyfriend are obviously very affectionate, did not expect to break up today. I was afraid that Honey would not be able to open it, so I immediately ran to her house to comfort her. My girlfriend kept crying and crying, and I thought she had been betrayed by her boyfriend. The girlfriend said: "It wasn't that he betrayed me, he said he couldn't spoil their customs there." I was puzzled: "What custom made him make such a decision?" She: "He said that when they got married there, the groom officer was going to carry the bride into the house, and he tried it yesterday, and he couldn't pick me up.

6, blind date, the man was about to be on the table tennis court, the man was just beaten by a small Zhengtai, and when he played with me, he kept pulling his face and smoked when he saw the ball. The man wouldn't let me win a single ball, and I couldn't do it, and then, Xiao Zhengtai came over and said: Sister, I will play with you? As a result, Xiao Zhengtai was hit by my falling flowers and water, light for me to pick up the ball, happy I picked up Xiao Zhengtai's face and kissed it. An old man next to him angrily went up and gave the man a kick, looking up at the sky and sighing: How did Lao Tzu raise such a thing as you? Not as good as a child!

7. Last night, I went to an indoor barbecue for dinner, and there was no one in the store at that time, just a girl. The kebabs on the table were almost eaten, and it sounded like I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, and I started arguing as I talked. The girl said: "Divide and conquer, don't regret it!" After hanging up the phone, he lay on the table and cried. The boss and I were confused, I didn't know whether to persuade or not, after a while, she wiped her tears, took the menu and said: "Boss, give me another roast leg of lamb..."?

8, the local tycoon liked a Haidilao waiter. The waiter said to the local tycoon who had been pursuing her: "As long as you transfer 1 million to me, I will be your wife!" The local tycoon couldn't believe that this was true and asked, "Really?" It's okay to give you 5 million. Waiter: "Absolutely true!" The local tycoon immediately transferred 5 million to the waiter, and then said: "Talk to count!" The waiter smiled and said, "Of course! Then he handed a rag doll to the local tycoon. The local tycoon asked doubtfully, "What is this?" Waiter: "This is my wife who made you a stitch and a thread!" ”?

9. The husband has been single for many years, causing a female neighbor to become pregnant. The female neighbor sued the husband in court, and the husband had to compensate the family for 2 million yuan. I had no choice but to quit my white-collar job and go to work in a steel mill with a higher salary to help pay off my debts. After work last night, a female colleague looked at me from the side and said: You look like a college student, green. I immediately laughed and said: "No kidding, I'm going to be forty soon, not as young as you say." The female colleague shook her head and said: "Really, I won't lie to you, you look like a fool like my brother who just graduated from college!!!!

10. When I was in Sichuan Grain School, it was very formal, and it was difficult to eat takeaway. Today was too hungry, so I ordered a fried sauce noodle, and just after taking the takeaway, I met the principal. I smiled at the takeaway brother and said, "Today you brought me food, brother, what about Dad?" He saw that I was giving him a look, very clever: "Bring something today, just as I passed by today, I brought it." I took out the money and said, "You can take this money back, I can't use this much money here." ”?

11, I have a salary of 50,000 a month, and my wife can spend 40,000 yuan just playing mahjong. I said this to her many times, but she refused to repent, and I couldn't help but move my hands for a moment. Sometimes it's really not okay not to fight, this is not, after ten slaps, she wiped my red and swollen face and said painfully: Don't fight, I know it's not okay to be wrong! I sneered at her: I will forgive you this time, the next time I will fight to the death, don't say I didn't warn you!

12. I went to a few etiquette training classes with my lesbians today, and I feel that I have learned a lot of things, such as when interacting with women, the mouth must be very sweet. After work, I was hanging out with the female classmates, and I happened to meet the mother of the female classmates, and I shouted at her according to the requirements of the etiquette class: Hello sister! The mother of the female classmate smiled and said: My daughters are so old, what should you call me? I had a stroke of genius and shouted: Mom! The mother of the female classmate was stunned, and hurriedly called the lesbian to ask: Daughter? What do you mean, you're planning to break up?

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