1. When a prisoner is executed, the prison guard just said, "Execution! Just listening to the prisoner laughing all the time, the prison guard immediately asked the handmaiden to stop and asked, "You are going to die, why are you still laughing?"

1. When a prisoner is executed, the prison guard just said, "Execution! Just listening to the prisoner laughing all the time, the prison guard immediately stopped the handmaiden and asked, "You are going to die, why are you still laughing so happily?" The prisoner said: "The book says, laugh every day, and sure enough, you can live for a few more seconds." ”

2, once to the train station, my mobile phone was lost, my witty daughter-in-law immediately sent me a text message with her own mobile phone, saying: "Husband, why did you go to the toilet for so long, why didn't you answer the phone?" When I got to the point, I left first, I deposited the 20,000 yuan given to my mother to the station storage office, box 186, the password is 1685, see you at home Ha!" So, half an hour later, we caught the thief at the storage office!

3. The female team leader owed 8,000 pieces of mesh bags because of lifting, I helped her to get on, and the female team leader immediately became my girlfriend. I was particularly happy and took the female group leader to the restaurant for dinner after work. There were a lot of people in the shop, so we shared a table with an old couple, and the old man fed his wife in a wheelchair. The old man picked up a crayfish, pinched the head, twisted the tail, peeled the shell, and finally fed the shrimp meat dipping sauce into his wife's mouth. I saw every move of the old master in my eyes, and I was immediately moved to tears. I couldn't help but say to the old man, "I ordered this plate of crayfish, you don't order crayfish!!!! ”

4, the mother-in-law is the gold medal coach of the local driving school, recently my father bought me a Tule icon, so I looked for the mother-in-law to practice. Because of the stomach discomfort after eating cold things, coupled with the nervousness of my brother once getting on the car, my mother-in-law asked me to turn left and turn to the right. My mother-in-law said to me helplessly, "You look at me." "I just looked at my mother-in-law, and suddenly felt a churning in my stomach, slammed open the car door and threw up. The girlfriend's mother's face turned green and said, "I'm a little ugly looking, but I've taught thousands of students, and you're a brother who can't stand it!" ”

5. After the eldest brother and sister-in-law divorced, they used 30,000 to marry a 30-year-old fat daughter-in-law. After the two people got married, the eldest brother followed the fat daughter-in-law and became a foodie. For the sake of health, so the eldest brother made an agreement that whoever ate after 9 p.m. would give the other party 100 yuan. Since then, the eldest brother and his daughter-in-law can get 100 yuan a day, not only eat, but also have money to earn, and live a particularly happy life!!

6, after working overtime for a day without eating, my stomach was really hungry. Later, I ordered takeaway and added a note: "There is a reward for early delivery!" The map shows that 8 kilometers did not expect to arrive in 10 minutes of takeaway, takeaway brother: "Handsome man, what is the reward?" Me: "Rest assured, I'll definitely give you five-star reviews in a moment!" "After closing the door, the takeaway brother called me to let me pay for the train, and I learned that he had come over with Didi."

7. The single cousin suddenly became pregnant, and did not say who the child's father was, and wanted to have abortion surgery. My husband and I happened to have no children, so we gave her 80,000 yuan and asked her to give birth to the child and we raised it. Since having this child, my wife and I have been sleeping in separate windows, and the child and my wife have a room!!!! Yesterday my parents came to the house to visit the house at night and did not go back, and the three of us slept in a window!!!! My wife was snoring so loud that I couldn't sleep at all!!!! I saw my wife sleeping with her neck crooked, so I carefully wrapped her head and laid the pillow flat, so that my wife would not snore. Just this scene was seen by the child, the child stretched out two fingers under the nose of his wife to interview the !!!! Then, he actually said in particular: "Scared me to death, still alive, still alive!!!! ”

8. Lao Wang went to his girlfriend's house for the first time that year, and her girlfriend's home was in the countryside. In order to show that he took the initiative to find something to do, in the evening he saw a large pot of stew in the kitchen. I took a sip with a spoon and told his mother-in-law that it was a little light. Now she has not been to her house for more than a year, but Lao Wang's eating of pig food has always been the topic of their village's after-dinner pastime.

9. In the fast food restaurant downstairs, I asked for a bowl of noodles, and because the fog was too big, I took off my eyes. Across from me sat a new colleague, and he asked me: How long have you been here? I said: More than half a year. He said, "You look a lot like the dead fat guy in our office with glasses." So I put on my glasses and looked at him, and he exclaimed: Dead fat man!

10, today I met a sister, she touched the folder I was holding on the ground, I was ready to pick it up, the sister shouted: "Don't move, I will help you pick it up." "As soon as I stepped on the folder on the ground, I listened to the 'click', and my heart instantly became half cold. The girl apologized: "Watch you pick it up, instinctively step on it with your feet!" I reluctantly smiled and reached for the folder, sister: "Don't move, I'll come!" "Say the other foot to my hand...

11 When a local tycoon went to charge the phone bill, the waiter lady in the business hall asked, "How much do you want to charge?" The local tycoon said domineeringly, "Fill it up for me!" The service lady was stunned and said with a gentle smile: "How old are you?" The local tycoon said, "42! The service lady took out the computer: "Your monthly rent of 1280 a month, a year of 15360, well, I believe you will be able to live a long life, so there are 58 years of monthly rent, a total of 890880, do you see whether you swipe your card or pay cash?"

12 Met a beautiful woman online, and at first I thought her photo was a netmap, but then I added a V letter. I clicked into her circle of friends to see, all of them are beautiful and shiny self-pai pictures. I didn't expect the beautiful woman to look so beautiful, and I fell into it all at once. I chuckled and said, "What do you think I'm like to be your boyfriend?" Beauty said: You are like a joke! I immediately became serious: I was serious. Beauty: I said that the self-pai photos in your circle of friends are like a joke!

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #