1. My husband divorced because his ex-wife could not conceive, and he married me after being introduced. Not long ago, I was watching TV with my husband on my big belly, when suddenly my husband's phone rang, and it was his ex-wife who called:

1. My husband divorced because his ex-wife could not conceive, and he married me after being introduced. Not long ago, I was watching TV with my husband on my big belly, when suddenly my husband's phone rang, and it was his ex-wife who called: "I'm pregnant." The husband replied: "Don't think about me, we have been divorced for a year, absolutely not mine." Ex-wife: "I know, I just want to tell you that it is you who is wrong!" ”

2. Go back to your hometown with your boyfriend, at the mouth of the village, the boyfriend is urinating urgently, it is convenient to go to the grove, I am waiting on the side of the road, there is a grandfather coming, the uncle asked me: "Girl, who are you looking for in our village?" Me: "Uncle, I'll go to Li Xiaodong's house!" Just then, my boyfriend came out and I said to him, "Did this uncle say anything about your village?" Boyfriend: "This grandson who does not know, my neighbor" I tugged on the boyfriend's clothes to make him speak more politely, and the uncle next to him saw the boyfriend and greeted him happily: "Second grandfather, you are back?" I, depend, the rural generations are really chaotic...

3. After work in the evening, it was already past ten o'clock in the evening, and there was no bus, so I walked home. At the entrance of the community, I saw a girl selling slippers at a roadside stall. I looked very comfortable, I wanted to buy a pair, I wanted to ask twelve pairs of ok? The result is: twenty-one pairs are not sold? As a result, the girl turned around and shouted at the store: Mom, you are coming out, someone has come to the store to do something!

4. The sister-in-law is the father-in-law's old son, the father-in-law especially spoiled her, when she was a child, she was unwilling to give up. Later, the sister-in-law grew up, and the father-in-law was embarrassed to be too close to her. Finally, he couldn't help himself and asked his sister-in-law, "Daughter, can I wipe you?" The sister-in-law nodded shyly, and then, the father-in-law wiped her stomach and pinched the extra flesh on it...

5. I saved an old man, I didn't expect the old man to be rich, and gave a huge amount of money as a thank you. So I went to the bank and said to the most beautiful teller: Help me check how much money is in it! Beauty looked up and said: 3.8 million. Me: You remember the password, I will not lose myself in the future, I have a bad memory! At this time, the lobby manager came over and said: Boy, more than 3 million can still seduce people? Her husband is a big boss, wait for your deposit to add 3 zeros and then come back. I cried bitterly and decided to buy a lottery ticket, I was sure to win the jackpot, and after a year I spent all my savings. Coming to the bank again today, the lobby manager said: You have a chance, her family is bankrupt! So I cried again and left...

6. Last night I drank a lot, called my father-in-law and asked my father-in-law to pick me up and take me home. On the way home, a female driver drove a mini rear-end, and she and her father-in-law agreed to go to the traffic police team early tomorrow morning. The next morning, her father-in-law came to the traffic police team early to wait for her, but the left and right still did not arrive. The father-in-law called the female driver, and the female driver said: Don't worry, I just rear-ended another one, wait for a while to deal with it together!

7. I don't spit or make trouble after drinking, I like to call when I'm drunk, last night I drank too much, called my friend, told me that I didn't earn money this year, my friend heard that I was drunk, and she was a listener.

I said: I will calculate an account for you, the monthly salary of 6500 yuan, plus the bonus at the end of the year 10,000 yuan, last year's total income of 80,000 8. Minus rent, car loans, expenses for children and wives, eating, drinking... Obviously earned 35,000 yuan, why didn't I earn money.

Friend: Brother, are you talking about wine? Last year, I earned 35,000 yuan, how to say that I didn't make money?

I laughed and said, "Haha, that's obviously earned."

Friend: Are you here to be funny? Who is it?

I said, "Obviously it's my wife!" She made money, but I didn't.

Friends have served: brother, next time you drink remember to add a plate of peanut rice...

8. After the renovation of the new store, my spicy hot shop will open soon. I saw that the store was too monotonous, so I bought a large pot of orange trees with fruit hanging. The next day when I came to the store, my girlfriend told me that the orange tree had been picked up by Erha, smashed, and thrown away by her! I comforted: It's all right, I'll buy another pot tomorrow! My girlfriend suddenly stopped me and said: Don't buy it, that orange is not delicious at all...

9. When my dad had a birthday, I got my dad two bottles of Maotai.

My mother wouldn't let me drink it, saying she would drink it when guests came to the house.

A few days later, my mother called me: Your father was so angry, he drank the two bottles of wine, and the water was put there again!

Me: Drink it, I'll drink it when I want.

My mom: But I thought I didn't drink it, so I went to see your grandfather take the wine to your grandfather, and when you came back, your father told me.

10. Last night friends please go to KTV, everyone called a girl. The one sitting next to me was quite pretty, and in the middle she touched my handle and played with it, and sang a few songs together. At the end, she put her face against my face and said a word: It is not easy to earn some money, don't come to this kind of place in the future, look at the cocoon on your hands, save some money for your sister-in-law and children.

11. When I was in college, I fell in love with beautiful class flowers at first sight. Our relationship has always been above friendship, to the point where love is not enough, and I don't have the courage to confess to her. Now it's been 5 years since graduation, Benja is married, and I cried all day at home without going to her wedding. At night, I couldn't help it, and sent her a V letter: Tell the person next to you, please be kind to my youth. Then her husband came to my house and beat me up.

12. The rich husband who worked as an intern teacher at Zhejiang University and taught the director died of cancer, leaving her with an inheritance of 180 million. In order to get this money, I did everything I could to finally catch her. After dinner last night, she was watching a movie on the computer and I was looking at my phone. Suddenly she asked me, "Am I going to lie?" Driven by a strong desire to survive, I: "You are the most honest woman under the heavens!" Only to see her turn the volume of the movie up, the movie came out with a sentence: "... No scruples, you remember, the more beautiful a woman, the more she will deceive! ”