1, my daughter is really very simple, last night put on the table money disappeared, asked my daughter whether she saw, she raised her small face and said: "Is it the 100?" I nodded, and later she did

1, my daughter is really very simple, last night put on the table money disappeared, asked my daughter whether she saw, she raised her small face and said: "Is it the 100?" I nodded, and then she said solemnly: "I see that the money is 2008, expired, and then thrown away." "Thrown away. Now the house is full of garbage cans...

2. On the first day of college, a class of flowers in the same dormitory sighed and said: The family sold a cow to go to college. We listened, our hearts are a little unbearable, after the cost of the dormitory did not let her bear, but also afraid that she can not eat often invite her to dinner, college is about to graduate class flowers invite us to his hometown to play... Her family was in Urumqi, only to find that there were more than three thousand cattle in her family, and I took such a talented class flower.

3, at noon my daughter in the living room to shoot the ball, I said: don't shoot the ball in the living room, there is a newborn little brother downstairs to sleep, you will disturb him. My daughter asked me: Doesn't the little brother upstairs often clap the ball and clap loudly? I thought about it: the little brother upstairs is growing a body, need to exercise, the baby is good, and you should be more considerate of others. She threw the ball in a huff: "Hmm, I see that upstairs and downstairs are all your children, I'm not!" I.

4. My sister-in-law showed me photos from middle school and asked me how much had changed? I said, "Great. The wife punched over: "Look at it, swallow what saliva!" After dinner, I sent my sister-in-law to the car, and after passing a sauna shop, she asked me: "Is it expensive to spend here, how much is it?" This is obviously a pit, I did not say angrily: "I have not been to know!" Always play this boring and childish game with your sister, are you bored? She called with a straight face: "Sister, asked, brother-in-law said five hundred pieces." ”

5, a second cargo brother was hospitalized due to injury, in the hospital that time, looked at a nurse MM, but timid and shy did not dare to confess, close to the discharge, brothers sat in the ward to give advice, impart experience, and finally plucked up the courage, when the sister came in, stopped people, supported for half a day, suppressed red face said: "Beauty! Can I stay longer? ”......

6, when I was in high school, the class teacher of the whole school was famous for protecting calves, the principal could not do anything, was annoyed by the director, and told us bluntly: Even jumping a wall can be caught, what else can you do? Once, I was out of school, looking for him to leave the school, he had a horizontal face: Go online on the Internet, what sick leave? Do you see me like I'm wearing a false strip? Go and go, jump off the wall, bother me less! Such a class, but it is the highest rate of further education in the whole year, did not go to college, now basically have their own career, now graduated eight years ago, no matter whether it is a big or small party will never forget to ask this "old head"! ......

7, a colleague has often insomnia recently, can not get up in the morning, always late for work. So he went to buy sleeping pills, ate them and went to bed very early, then woke up early in the morning, and finally didn't arrive late today. The manager yelled solemnly, "Why didn't you go to work yesterday?" ”

8, the leader picked up a plate of beef, he pulled half of it into his own bowl, and then handed the plate to the minister, and said lightly: "Give the grass-roots employees some meat." The minister also drew a few strokes, then handed the plate to the manager, who said, "Give some meat to the grassroots employees." The manager took a few bites and then said to me, "Hard work!" Come, eat some beef, you're welcome! "I looked at the bean-sized beef on the plate and carefully clipped it...

9, Teacher A: "Busy to die, dead heart has it!" Teacher B: "Then why don't you die?" Teacher A: "Want to drink medicine to die, the pesticide shop did not open in the morning, the late self-study, the pesticide shop has closed, not dead." ”

10, just answered a phone call, claiming to be a bank, saying that my CCB credit card, just spent more than 900,000 yuan in Paris, France... I said, "Are you sure it's my card?" The other party said: "Have been checked, the name and ID number are yours..." I was silent for a few seconds and asked her: "Then can you take a picture and send it to me?" I want to pretend to be forced in the circle of friends! "The other party did not hold back, laughing!

11, just received a domestic phone call, said that my platinum credit card has just spent more than 900,000 euros in Paris, France. I said, "Are you sure it's my Platinum credit card?" The other party said: "Everything has been checked, and the name and ID number are yours." I was silent for a few seconds and asked her, "Then can you take a screenshot and send it to me?" I want to install a B in the circle of friends! "The other party suddenly hung up the phone...

12, female colleagues borrowed 100,000 yuan from me, said to use three months to pay me back, now half a year has passed, during which she was urged several times, but it is not repaid, yesterday I was angry to go to her house to find her: it has been half a year, when do you plan to return the money to me? "Female colleague said: money money money, you know money, in the urge to pay me back money, you believe it or not I will marry you, and then according to the custom, you have to give me a dowry of 200,000 yuan, deduct the 100,000 owed to you, you still want to give me 100,000."

13, five years ago, I heard the neighbor sister say that she was doing haircuts, and after less than a year of work, the family car was also bought, and the house was also a two-story small western-style building. All this was in my eyes, and then I also went to learn haircuts, and after four years of hard work, I found out today that I earned enough money to buy a battery car.

14, at night blind date was looked down upon by the woman, I was very unhappy, I said: "I have 6 sets of buildings, 2 sets of villas!" Maximum 1200 flat! A Rolls-Royce, a Porsche 911! The woman was no longer arrogant, looking at her smiling happily, I said, "Why don't you ask me if I can see your face and body?" "I got up and went straight away. For such a woman, I began to admire myself, bragged that I could go directly in front of the woman, leaving her to pay alone...