1. The third aunt was hit by a Bentley on the road and became a vegetative person, and the owner lost more than 6 million yuan. After the third uncle got the money, he immediately got along with a 25-year-old flight attendant. Two people now

1. The third aunt was hit by a Bentley on the road and became a vegetative person, and the owner lost more than 6 million yuan. After the third uncle got the money, he immediately got along with a 25-year-old flight attendant. Now the two have been dating for more than half a year and plan to have a wedding. The flight attendant's parents said: Then the bride price is set at 600,000! The third uncle also agreed, and on the day of the engagement, the third uncle looked at both families with a dowry of 600,000 yuan: Isn't this dowry money from our family? Why do your parents also have 600,000? The flight attendant said with special grievance: My mother said that I married you to accumulate eight lifetimes of virtue, and you married me to pour eight lifetimes of mold, and the bride price can not let you out.

2. There is a young woman in the unit who is divorced, when she leaves work this night, she secretly stuffed a card for me, I walked to the place where no one was, it was a hotel room card. My heart skipped a beat, and I thought to myself, is this the legendary peach blossom luck? At this moment, the boss stopped me and told me to make a plan, which I would have tomorrow morning. I was resentful, but there was no way, who made her my boss? The boss Shi Shiran left the company, I thought for a moment, and found another female colleague, Ame, who has strong business ability, and if she is asked to help me do this plan, it will definitely be no problem. Ame smiled and said, is there a date at night? I smiled and said nothing, Ame nodded and said, if you want me to work overtime to help you, you give me two thousand yuan. I didn't say a word, and directly transferred two thousand yuan to her. She patted me on the shoulder and said, you go, the plan is handed over to me.

3. This afternoon, my friend's mother asked my friend to put the freshly bought dishes in the bathroom door and wash them with water. His dad: Put it in the kitchen, your mother is like this, and the words are not satisfactory. Friends think about it too, where there are dishes put in the bathroom. The friend was really wronged, his mother went into the kitchen to get the vegetable basket, and was tripped by a potato that rolled out at the door, and the friend was almost cut into shredded potatoes by his mother!

4. The brother-in-law falls in love with a girl who works at a KTV. On this day, the brother-in-law came to the KTV, took out a box, opened it for the girl to see, and inside the box was an engagement ring with the girl's name engraved on it. "I like you, marry me, be my wife." The brother-in-law confessed affectionately. "I don't know how to tell you." She replied, "I'm already in love with someone else. "Tell me who the other person is?" The brother-in-law asked eagerly. "No! No. The girl shouted, "You'll play with him." "No, it won't." The brother-in-law said, "I just want to sell him this ring." ”

5. My cousin had a previous ligation. I remember that my cousin and my cousin were just a month old, and my cousin was pregnant. The cousin not only did not get angry, but also took good care of the cousin. This surprised me that the man in love was so humble. When I was drinking last night, I asked a brother, "Dude, how humble can you be in the face of love?" The brother took a deep breath of his cigarette and said slowly, "She gave me a slap and I asked why her hands were so cold!" ”

6. My wife recently went on a business trip, I was watching TV at home, my wife called: "Where are you?" I replied, "Home." The wife said, "Really? So you tell me how many potatoes are in the fridge? Thankfully I didn't go out, I opened the refrigerator and said, "Two." Wife: "What about eggplant?" Me: "Two too!" Wife: "How many green peppers?" Me: "I count, one, two, three, four." Wife: "Well, you fry a three fresh, I will come home!" ”

7. My husband had an accident during the sterilization surgery at Sanwu Clinic and became a vegetative person. I didn't want to be dragged down by my husband, and I divorced him with a fierce heart, and got along with his buddies. On Sunday, I took my new boyfriend home to meet my parents. My parents were particularly satisfied, and my dad said to my boyfriend: Boy! My daughter will give it to you!" Unexpectedly, the boyfriend suddenly stood up, drank the liquor in front of him, was silent for a while, and said slowly: Uncle, are you trying to blackmail people?

8. Buddy is a rich second generation, busy in search of his true love. On this day the buddies went on a blind date, and the girl was very beautiful, the type he liked. The girl asked: Do you have a car and a house and a deposit? Dude lied: No, but I'll try. Girl: I'm not a gold-worshipping woman, and I don't mind these material conditions. Dude thinks he has finally found true love, just want to confess the girl came to say: Do you like red? Dude: Like. Girl: I don't like red, I don't think we fit!

9. My father-in-law and mother-in-law died in a car accident, leaving behind my 3-year-old sister-in-law. My wife took my sister-in-law to live in my house, and now my sister-in-law is 18 years old. Last night my wife went to the night shift, I opened the V letter and shook it, shook it to a sister, chatted very happily, I saw a play. I said, "Beauty, come out for dinner and sing a song?" Beauty said, "Isn't that good, what if your wife finds out?" Me: "My wife went to work overtime and is not at home!" Beauty finally let go: "Well, you come directly to me, right?" Me: "Where to find you?" Beauty: "I'm in your next room, hurry up!" ”

10. My family lives on the 18th floor, and today the 1+1 goods wife has to go downstairs faster with me than whoever goes downstairs. My daughter-in-law took the elevator, I took the stairs, and my daughter-in-law let me take ten seconds. So I silently went downstairs, to each floor and pressed the elevator first, and I won. Later, my daughter-in-law was not convinced, and she competed again to see who was faster, and I won in the same way. The daughter-in-law was still dissatisfied, and the game went downstairs, and the daughter-in-law did not obey the game to go upstairs, and then I took it...

11. After graduating from Jilin University, I used Love Money to borrow 1.2 million yuan to open a Haidilao. It was too late today, so the employees ate in the store. Having eaten too much, I went for a walk in the nearby park. When I found an old lady exercising there, I picked up my phone and took a picture. Unexpectedly, just after I finished shooting, the old lady sat down on the ground and shouted: Young man, your flash is too flashy, flash my waist, there is no 20,000 yuan you don't want to go!

 #Funny##搞笑段子 #