1. More than ten years ago, my aunt went to Beijing to sell cold skins, couldn't find a stall, and was introduced to be a nanny. The old man is alone, his sons and daughters are all working in the United States, and the aunt has been serving for five years!

1. More than ten years ago, my aunt went to Beijing to sell cold skins, couldn't find a stall, and was introduced to be a nanny. The old man is alone, his sons and daughters are all working in the United States, and the aunt has been serving for five years! The old man died, the son and daughter came back to finish the funeral, and said to the aunt: "Thank you for taking care of my father, we discussed it, this set of courtyard you give 200,000, we sold it to you, we will not come back once in several years!" The aunt pretended to be reserved and pretended to refuse. It turns out that I am still a nanny...

2. My wife went abroad, there are two people left in the family, my mother-in-law is 48 years old, the long charm still exists, because my father-in-law left early, so my mother-in-law has been single, my mother-in-law is in a company as a financial director, the ability is very outstanding, the income is also very high, so there are many bachelors who want to pursue my mother-in-law. But because my wife was not happy that her mother would find a stepfather for herself, she has always opposed her mother's remarriage. This time my wife went abroad, and many bachelors felt that there was an opportunity, and they all flocked to my house to propose to my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law was embarrassed to face such a scene, so she asked my son-in-law to come forward for her. In the end, I secretly operated, selected the chairman of our company, and let him and my mother-in-law come together. Our chairman promised me that when he retired, the whole company would be taken care of by me. I'm so witty!

3. Last night was dangerous, in front of the check drunk driving, I just finished drinking out, I already knew not to take this road, closer and closer to the traffic police, the heart suddenly jumped, the palms of the hands were full of sweat, wanted to escape, but the front is the police, running can not run, it is my turn, blowing a mouthful of the wine detector, the machine crazy chirping, thinking that this time can not hide ... The police yelled at me: "Hurry up, walk along with what a hilarity!" "Fuck! Drink too much and forget to drive!

4. Girlfriend is a gold worship woman, recently he leaned on a big money, the man is opening a company, now 45 years old, and a grandson is 3 years old. On this day, dabu said to his girlfriend: Now that I can have a second child, you see my family's great cause, give me a son! The girlfriend thought about it and said: Then you answer me a question first, okay? The big money said: Well, you ask! The girlfriend said solemnly: If one day, the grandson and the son fight, who will you help? Then the big money was hard: this...

5. Go out to buy breakfast one morning, find that you can't find a penny in your pocket, you can't ask your son, can you borrow a hundred yuan for me? The son looked at me with disdain, handed over 30 very disdainfully, and lost a sentence in a serious tone: I was not cautious when I was looking for a wife, and I blushed for you when I looked at what day you lived... Son, you are quite right, but your mother is standing in the back, and I can't answer you...

6. The community park often sees a group of retired elderly people every morning to practice tai chi and bask in the sun. A grandfather who is about to retire asks an old man who has retired: Is retirement good? The old man smiled and said: The first two years were very good! Curious, he asked, "What about later?" Isn't that good? The old man was silent for a while and said: Later, my wife also retired!

7. I work at Zotye headquarters, because of my strong work ability and deep love of female bosses, I was only three months after joining the company, and I was promoted to manager. This month, I was paid 50,000 yuan, so I invited my brother-in-law and sister-in-law to dinner together. It was the first time I had dinner with my sister-in-law since they were married, and I toasted politely to my sister-in-law. The eldest brother-in-law stopped me: "Oh, you can't drink, drinking is not good for the baby." I asked, "Huh?" Only a month after getting married? "The brother-in-law hurriedly waved his hand: No, no, no, I am the baby." ? # headline comedian #"

8. Work in a shipyard and wear a safety shield every day. This afternoon I did not take good fire prevention measures, and my eyes flashed and I kept crying. Our factory director came to inspect me and asked: What's going on? I couldn't open my eyes from the sun and kept crying. The factory director looked at it and said: Don't say it, I understand! Then soon I received a pay slip and was fired for the reason: crying!

9. Once in class, I found a trace of blood on the skirt of the same table, and I looked at her doubtfully. She whispered to me, "I'm on vacation, can you help me buy sanitary napkins?" I wondered, "How do I go to class?" She lowered her head a little disappointedly, and then I jerked my head and punched myself hard. Instantly, I felt a warm current gushing out, so I immediately raised my hand: "Teacher, I have a nosebleed, I want to go out and wash it and buy a pack of tissues." "In this way, a self-harm in exchange for a girlfriend . . .

10. I walked out of the dormitory today with a smile, who knew that my roommates looked at me like they were neurotics. One person asked: Did you win the lottery? How to be happy? I replied happily: I had just been confessed. The roommates were very surprised and said: I didn't expect it, I really congratulate you! I said unhappily: Congratulations on what I did, go and congratulate just now.

11. In the morning, in the confusion, my wife suddenly rolled over and pressed on me, twisting and turning like a silkworm pupa: Husband, my relatives have just left, I want to buy a LV bag. I was sleeping soundly, and I could only perfunctory her and say: Buy, buy, buy! My wife had to go in: I also wanted perfume and lipstick. Of course, I took everything according to the order, and closed my eyes to cope: buy, buy, buy! The wife was satisfied to make breakfast. My daughter woke up early in the small bed, watched her mother's behavior thoughtfully, and after a while, she also climbed over, lay on top of me and said in a milky voice: Husband, I want a Barbie doll...

12. I'm a very naughty guy, and I've really a lot of people. I remember when I was in elementary school, the only big entertainment program after school at night was hide-and-seek! I volunteered: I counted to 100 and started catching... The more than 20 small partners in our village and the village of Yan have no shadow! When I finished 100, I carried my school bag and went home, yes! When I finished dinner, the village was messed up, and there were flashlights everywhere looking for children. Looking back now, it was still simple when I was a child.

#Funny##搞笑段子 #