1. Come back drunk in the middle of the night and see that your wife is asleep, and the sound of breathing is charming. Thinking that she usually beat and scolded me, I held back all my strength and kicked her under the bed, and then I followed

1. I came back drunk in the middle of the night and saw that my wife was asleep, and the sound of breathing was charming. Thinking that she usually beat and scolded me, I held back all my strength, kicked her under the bed, and then scolded with great anger: you! Lao Tzu is a man with a wife and children! Then he turned his head back and pretended to sleep. The next morning, the wife endured the pain, not only did not blame last night's drunkenness, but also brought steaming milk!

2. Just now my parents quarreled, my father was angry and smashed the TV at home, and my mother did not want to be left behind to smash the microwave oven at home. I asked my dad, "Why smash the TV?" My father said, "I wanted to change to a big one, but your mother has been unwilling." I asked my mom again, "Then why did you smash the microwave?" My mother said, "I wanted to change a steam stove for a long time, your father is too expensive." "Me: ...?

3. The sister-in-law is a graduate student at Central South University and is 28 years old and not yet married. Her in-laws gave her a resume on the Lily network for a blind date, and later she gave a relationship to the second generation of a rich person. Last night we had coffee at Starbucks and talked about her boyfriend. Curious, I asked, "How rich is your boyfriend?" The sister-in-law immediately turned into the appearance of a flower idiot, and said with a smile on her face: So, my two brothers went on a date and he took me to eat egg scrambled noodles, and actually added five more eggs. I went, and sure enough, it was not the average rich second generation!

4. There is a young woman in the workplace who has recently divorced. This female colleague has a good relationship with me. She was divorced, and I felt sorry for her. She called me one night. Said there are tigers in the house. She didn't dare stay home alone. I listened strangely. Only there are tigers in the zoo. How can there be tigers in the downtown buildings? So I drove to my female colleague's house. I didn't figure it out until I got to his house. It turned out that he had rats in his house. His accent is heavier, and I turned out to be a tiger, which is really ridiculous.

5. A girlfriend the day before yesterday. Asked her to go shopping today, she took her brother, we went shopping together, the girlfriend said to go to the toilet, and then went. Me: Little devil, give, lollipop, very sweet. Brother: Thank you brother! Me: Wouldn't it be nice to ask you a few questions, what is your sister's favorite thing? Younger brother: cucumber, eggplant, yam, lotus! I left without waiting for her to come out!

6. My wife and I are both students at Peking University, but our son is a scumbag. He was in the third grade and was five to last on every exam. My wife broke down and cried, so I had to go out to educate my son myself. I said, "My parents studied as a younger brother when I was a child, so why can't you?" The son said, "Because your parents are well educated!" ”

7. The sister-in-law is pregnant, and the man's family has been dragging on not getting married until the wedding is about to give birth! On the way to the wedding, the sister-in-law has a big belly. I asked my sister-in-law's husband privately: "The sister-in-law looks like she is about to give birth, how can I delay getting married at this time, how inconvenient is it?" Her husband smiled: "You don't understand, what kind of personality she has, don't you know, at this time get married, in a few days she will be born, honeymoon will let her confinement, I don't have to accompany her around, how good." "I was stunned...

8. Get up early in the morning and don't know what to do to start washing and tidying up the bedding. After that, I washed the clothes that had gathered up, and the room was also cleaned and dragged by me... In short, a lot has been done. Then, after a long time, I suddenly woke up, opened my eyes, and found that I was still sleeping in the bed! I went and was deceived by the dream again!

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