In life, there is a feeling that often makes us regret.
Obviously, he has been in love for many years, but he still did not enter the marriage hand in hand, and finally married another person in a very short time.
This kind of story may happen to you, or it can happen to friends around you.
We often say that marriage requires impulsiveness, and after a long time together, it may slowly consume passion.
Of course, there are also many partners who still have happy marriages after a long run in love, but we may wonder what kind of changes have occurred in the hearts of those partners who have chosen to break up after a long run?
The paradox of rational decision-making
Marriage is a decision-making event.
When we choose to marry someone, everyone needs to judge whether the other person is the right person to spend their lives with.
Although the divorce rate is constantly rising, marriage is still a very important thing for most people.
From the perspective of rational decision-making, the more we know about some relevant information, the more accurate our judgments about a thing are.
That is to say, after a long-distance relationship, it is often easier for us to come to the conclusion that the other party is not a partner who is 100% compatible with ourselves.
Of course, different people's expectations of marriage and partners will be different, and in the process of getting along, the advantages and disadvantages of partners will also be displayed.
Marriage is still a "high-risk" event for most people, and when a person is faced with such a decision, they are often far more sensitive to negative factors than positive ones.
That is to say, in the process of getting along, we may be able to find that our partners have many valuable advantages, but perhaps as long as there are some small shortcomings, it is enough to dispel the idea that we are willing to marry each other.
Therefore, after a long time together, we tend to believe that we are making decisions through rational judgment, but in fact, this decision-making contains many irrational factors.
Psychological delusions
Almost every relationship will go through a period of hot love.
In the hot love period, in addition to the sexual attraction between each other is the strongest, there are also some psychological illusions in the secret.
The illusion is often based on some vague information.
Therefore, in the early stage of communication, there are more psychological illusions in each other's body.
With the deepening of communication, some psychological illusions may slowly disappear.
For example, the halo effect will allow us to judge the personality traits of the other party through some external conditions, and we may think that a person with good economic conditions has a better personality.
Judging a stranger, the feelings we have in our hearts tend to be more extreme: feelings of like and dislike will be stronger, and the increase in familiarity will also lead to a more neutral evaluation of a person.
These psychological illusions will make us more impulsive in the process of making decisions.
No agreement can be reached
In the early days of love, many people may not think about some real problems.
In the period of hot love, love is the first, bread is not important.
However, after the long run in love, the passion gradually receded, and each other's planning for the future has become an important factor in whether both parties can enter the marriage.
Parents, future parenting planning, family division of labor and other issues will become the key topics of disagreement for many people after a long period of interaction.
If we know each other in order to start a family together, we tend to discuss these issues more directly.
After the long run in love, we often put forward higher requirements for the "sensibility" of our partners, believing that the other party should consider their feelings more, rather than solving problems rationally together.
It's easy to fall in love, it's hard to get along.
If two people are originally rushing to get along, then they may love each other more and more in the process of getting along.