He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
He is the moon in the sky and you are the moon in the water, which seems to be the same, but in fact there is an essential difference.
He is always hanging in the sky and does not fall to the earth; and you can only see his true face in the surface of the water, and your presence is his reflection, but you are not him.
You can't catch up with him, just as from the beginning, he wasn't with you.
In the relationship, many people do not understand this truth:
Do you think that as long as you have feelings, you can enter marriage in love? No, it's more important than marriage that the pace is consistent.
Door to door, always exists, whether it is love or marriage.
Two people who are too far apart are doomed to be unable to go to the end.
-01
One is busy, one is idle
There is such a state of love:
Couples are always busy in the process of getting along.
Busy at work, busy with life, time is arranged in an orderly manner.
He can live well even if he's not in love and won't spend all his time in a relationship.
Because he attaches more importance to the improvement of himself than in love, cares about his career, and cares about his life.
The other person, on the other hand, is always idle.
Every time you enter a state of love, you are eager to tie the other party to your own hands at all times, afraid that the other party will leave you.
This is called the "love brain".
What are the obvious characteristics of the love brain in the relationship?
First: inseparable from each other, the focus of life shifts to each other
When he is not in love, he can still handle his life.
But as long as he is in love, he loses himself in an instant, shifting all the time and the focus of life to the other party.
I want to message the other party all the time, call, and if I don't get a response, I have to think about it.
When you suffer from gain and loss, you always think of the worst outcome.
If the other party does not reply to the message, he will make up a drama in his head: "Is he with someone else?" Does he not love me anymore? ”
Love brain, really scary.
Betting all of yourself on an uncertain love is a person's greatest misfortune.
Second: always force yourself, force the other party
When the other party is working, he can't put into the work.
The other person wants a little time and space of his own, but he does not allow it.
Such two people, the direction of the relationship will only get worse and worse, and contradictions may occur at any time.
In order to change this state, his approach is not to find something meaningful, not to be a better version of himself.
He would force the other person and ask the other party to take more time to accompany him.
However, feelings are not always in the hot love period, and passion is fluctuating.
The last stage of hot love does not mean that hot love will always exist.
-02
One circle is large, one only surrounds each other
A couple.
Boys have a strong sense of enterprise and have their own lives and circles of friends.
In addition to being in love, he also maintains friendships, maintains his social networking, and runs his own business.
And girls?
Nothing but love.
It seems that entering the state of love has drained all her energy and hobbies.
In fact, this state is quite sad.
Have you ever thought that when the other person's pace is getting faster and faster, and you are always standing still.
It won't be long before the gap between you gets bigger and bigger.
It's not that he initiates breaking up with you, it's that you will eventually realize that you two don't belong to the same world.
His life is still wonderful without you; your life without him will go into a state of darkness.
It's not his fault, it's yours.
I have seen many people, caught in love, will take the initiative to lose their circle of friends, give up their own life as it is.
However, the two things that fall in love and maintain social relationships are not in conflict.
When he runs towards the ideal faster and faster, and gradually approaches the ideal;
And you're going against the grain, getting farther and farther away from your ideals, making yourself worse and worse.
Have you ever wondered what would happen?
Everyone wants their partner to work hard with themselves and make progress together.
If this love is a burden to you, then love will one day leave you.
-03
Good love is mutual achievement, not "dragging its feet"
The most important reason why couples break up is that the gap is getting bigger and bigger.
At the beginning of the relationship, the two people can still be regarded as "evenly matched".
But as the love time is getting longer and longer, it gradually opens up the gap.
Why?
On the surface, one person works harder and the other doesn't work harder enough.
But in-depth analysis, or because the two people are not in step, the goals of life are not consistent.
He wants a vigorous life and creates a wonderful life by himself.
And you just want a plain, thin, long stream, two-person world.
Your existence is a stumbling block for him;
His existence requires you to gradually look up.
Therefore, couples want love to develop in a better direction, and they must keep pace.
He's great, he's pursuing his ideals in life and making himself better and better.
At this time, you should also prove that you are not bad.
You can do what he can do; when he's there, you love each other, he's not there for you, and you can arrange your time.
You know, life is not only love, but also countless ordinary moments.
Love will not always exist, but will rise and fall in stages.
If in love, you feel that the gap between the two of you is gradually getting bigger, it means that your distance is getting farther and farther away.
On the other hand, if you all move toward the same goal, make progress together, and encourage each other, then this love can be cultivated into a positive result.
Today's Topic:
"The gap is too big" for two people, will the relationship have a good result?
(Article with picture source network)