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There is no perfect love in this world, even if it is a fairy couple, there are always moments of quarrel. True fullness of love, in addition to allowing you to experience the inner change, it will also make you consciously and voluntarily feel the pain caused by this change.
Have you ever considered the question, which level of love is the happiest? Some people think that the vigor of youth is the happiest, because at that stage, each other's love is impulsive and passionate, with infinite enthusiasm.
However, some people think that the acquaintance of old age is the most gratifying thing, compared to the recklessness of youth, the emotional precipitation after experiencing the vicissitudes of the world is like a dusty old wine, and the more you drink, the more mellow you drink.
There are 5 levels of love, see which one you have reached now?
The first level: the level of desire
The desire phase refers to the idea of finding a sexual partner that is born due to the secretion of sex hormones and the maturation of sexual hormones.
Coupled with the fact that people around them are in love and in pairs, they have always been in a state of being alone, and it is inevitable that they will be lonely and bored in their hearts. In this case, people will very much want to fall in love, not so much to find someone to love, but to say that they like love itself.
The second level: the level of attraction
This stage refers to the fact that you have the right people around you, or have met someone you love at first sight, and the other party is also attracted to you.
The attraction stage is also the legendary hot love period, and the partner who is in love often thinks that the other party is tailor-made for him.
The desire at this time is to want to be special, and it is very normal to idealize the other person at this stage.
Idealized lovers appear mainly because we have too many needs from childhood to adulthood that have not been met, and when a person happens to appear, and with the need to love and be loved, then we naturally think that another convenience in love is our destiny.
There are many reasons why a relationship can begin, but in general, behind it is the individual's needs.
The hot love period is not real love, because the person who is overwhelmed by the enthusiasm cannot see the real appearance of the other half, and you just project the standard of the idealized couple in your heart on the other person.
The third level: the disillusionment level
People in the attraction phase will always show the most perfect side, because everyone does not want to expose shortcomings and small problems in front of each other.
However, with the passage of time and the increasingly intimate relationship between the two parties, the atmosphere of the two people is no longer as tense as in the past, but will slowly relax, in this case, it is not surprising that the true side is exposed.
The disillusionment phase is also the stage of power struggle, during which when we find that the other person does not meet the standards of the ideal partner, in order to make the other party meet our inner requirements, we will transform the other party through various means.
However, no one likes to be transformed, and everyone wants the other person to make a change, not themselves.
At this stage, the two parties in love are prone to quarrel over trivial matters, such as the angle of the sofa placement, or the attitude of chatting and typing.
Whatever the root cause of the quarrel between the two sides, the common denominator is that after one of them has spoken, the other has to disagree.
Psychology proposes that the essence of romantic relationships is parent-child relationships, and the more we invest in romantic relationships, the more parent-child relationships will be projected.
Of course, the contradictions and old wounds that have not been resolved in childhood will slowly fade with the change of time, but this dilution is only superficial, in fact, the inner scars still exist, but they are not mentioned, and once people enter the intimate relationship again, those dusty wounds will re-emerge.
But once the relationship transcends the old wounds of childhood, people will successfully enter the next stage of love, but if the wrong mode of getting along is repeated, the relationship will end here.
The fourth level: the introspection level
It is very rare to be able to enter this stage of the relationship, and only when you officially enter this range can the real love begin.
Intimacy is like a mirror for everyone, it allows people to face up to the old wounds of childhood and get rid of the shadow of the heart. When people have a higher ability to understand and tolerate, we can also understand our partners more and accept their differences.
The fifth level: the symbiotic level
To truly love a person is to accept his vulnerabilities and shadows, and to cherish from the bottom of his heart what he has experienced in the past.
This stage is the happiest stage, because both partners in love have witnessed each other's true appearance. Even if there is a shadow in human nature, it has never been an obstacle to people's search for belonging.
When you find the meaning of your existence and see the other person as important as we are, you will achieve happiness that is different.
- The End -
Author | Tommida
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Reference: Jean Piaget Biographie. (2020, January 29).