Have you read "The Courage to Be Hated", a super-best-selling classic that almost everyone in Japan has? The soul of the book is the Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, who once said, "All troubles are the troubles of relationships. In fact, even hermits care about the eyes of others." Why do we always live under the eyes and comments of others? Why do we always want to meet people's expectations? Maybe it's because we lack the courage to be hated by others! Today, I have compiled 10 famous quotes from Adler, and I hope you can also reflect on the meaning of freedom and gain courage from them!
1. Even if you are said badly and hated, there is nothing to care about, because "how the other person thinks of you" is the other party's problem.
We live in this era of rapid information dissemination, when our behavior does not meet the cognition and expectations of society, it will attract those overwhelming criticism and gossip, our every move seems to be magnified by the public through the Internet, "being yourself" began to become more and more difficult, this seemingly simple slogan has become one of the troubles of modern people, however, it is precisely because of this that we need more courage to be hated, the courage not to be swayed by the eyes of others.
2. Don't seek to be a perfect person, but accept your imperfect self.
What is true perfection? Is having delicate facial features perfect? Or is it perfect to have an enviable figure? Everyone's definition of perfection is different, and we are all ordinary ordinary people, we will not be perfect in each other's eyes, accept our own shortcomings, and accept our imperfections calmly, we can find what kind of person we want to be in a healthy state of mind.
3. All troubles are troubles in interpersonal relationships. In fact, even hermits are very concerned about the eyes of others.
If you think about it carefully, most of our troubles in life seem to be really related to interpersonal relationships, parents and siblings at home, friends around us, teachers on campus, classmates or supervisors and colleagues in the workplace, or relatives who eat together during the New Year's holidays, we will care about what kind of person we are in the eyes of others, what kind of evaluation we have in the mouths of others, and these eyes will also affect our emotions and behaviors from time to time. It's not a bad thing, but we can't do it against our will.
4. Life is not so difficult, it is you who make life complicated, in fact, life is very simple.
When the external pressure conflicts with our own hearts, we will feel worried and irritable, and even overthink, tossing and turning all night, but in fact, the real source of stress is not those external factors, what really makes you bored is that you care about these eyes and evaluations, if you get rid of these shackles, shackles, you will find that the world will become much simpler, the problem is not so difficult, it is you who make life complicated.
5. Only when people feel that they are "worthy" can they feel a "sense of contribution" and have courage
A sense of accomplishment is very important to us, it will make us feel that we are worthwhile and needed, give us more self-confidence, let us believe in our own ability, believe that difficulties will be solved, believe that our existence will contribute to others, which is why the sense of accomplishment is so important in the workplace, because with it, we have the courage to face problems and still face difficulties.
6. What matters is not what you are born with, but how you make the most of what you have.
Life is actually like playing poker, some people are lucky to get a good hand at the beginning of the game, and they are born with a golden spoon; There are also people who are a little less lucky, and it is unknown where the next meal will be, but there are still some people who can turn the tables with a bad hand. It's not what you have, it's what choices do you make when the opportunity comes, when it's your turn to play? How do you use what you have to get what you want? Each of us has a principal, although we can't control how much and how good or bad, but how to use it is in our own hands.
7. Stubbornness is another manifestation of an inferiority complex, don't try to "look strong", but try to "get stronger".
People will always arm themselves in a way that is strong or ostentatious, and most of these external manifestations are caused by an inner inferiority complex, and we all want to be strong in the eyes of others, as if only in this way can we not be looked down upon by others. However, in the end, such a disguise is just a false shell, unable to protect themselves, and may even hurt themselves, and the inferiority complex in the heart will not be reduced, what can really protect us is their own hard power, to enrich themselves, improve their strength, only the real strength is the best protection for themselves.
8. Only you can create yourself, only you can decide the rest of your life.
Growing up, we hear a lot of voices, including scornful reminders, strong denials, and even insults, and many of us want to tell us what to do and what not to do. However, our life is neither to meet the expectations of others, nor to fulfill the dreams of others, we are all responsible for our every choice, about what kind of person we will become and what kind of life we will live in the future.
9. It is not the past experiences that determine who we are, but the meaning we give to them
Everyone will have a few memories of the past that they don't want to recall, memories that they want to forget but can't let go, they are like burn scars, even if they fade over time, they can never completely erase the traces, just like we can't change the trauma and frustration we have suffered. Although history cannot be erased no matter how hard we try, it is never the past experiences that determine ourselves, the key is what kind of meaning we decide to give to those experiences, and what kind of mentality we choose to face them.
10. "Courage" is the vitality to overcome difficulties. People who lack courage will fall into the dark abyss of life once they encounter difficulties.
"Courage" can be said to be one of the most important elements of Adler's psychology, whether it is in the face of other people's malicious gossip, or in the face of self-depletion of negative emotions, we need courage to survive these storms, if we do not have courage, we are easy to feel lost in life, will be easily shaken by others, will easily feel inferior, when encountering difficulties, will fall into the dilemma of losing ourselves and unable to take steps. However, many times, what we lack is the courage to take the first step, the courage to believe in ourselves, and the courage to be hated.