My husband worked hard in Shenzhen, I worked in Chongqing, and my husband said I was dragging an oil bottle after having a temporary partner

The netizen letter said:

My husband and I are both from Chongqing, and at marriageable age, we met and established a relationship with a mutual friend. After more than a year of dating, they walked into the besieged city hand in hand. After the child went to kindergarten, my husband wanted to go to Shenzhen to break in, although I did not want the husband and wife to live separately, but, thinking that the husband might have the possibility of making more money, he still let the husband go (for the husband's summary, the heart is higher than the sky, and the life is thinner than paper).

In the blink of an eye, my husband has been working in Shenzhen for more than two years, during which he did earn more than when he was in Chongqing, and the key is that he spent more than when he was in Chongqing, so the money that my husband saved every month was not as good as working in Chongqing. In this case, I asked my husband to return to Chongqing to find a job more than once, but my husband did not agree.

Over the years, my earning power has been very average, but my work is relatively easy, so that I can clean up the house, take care of the children, and occasionally go to both parents' houses to walk around, so I don't plan to change jobs.

More than a month ago, I took my children to Shenzhen to visit my husband, although I did not block him and my temporary partner at home (after all, I reported to my husband before I went to Shenzhen), but in my husband's rental house, I still felt the traces of his life with other women. In this case, I will naturally question my husband. The husband confessed that he had a temporary partner. At the same time, my husband did not apologize to me, but instead said that I was his drag bottle. For this reason, my husband and I had a big quarrel, and after two days in Shenzhen, I returned to Chongqing with my children.

I had to rethink my marriage to my husband, and my final decision was to divorce my husband. When I informed my husband of the idea of divorce, he was reluctant to divorce me and promised me that after he got this month's salary, he would quit his job in Shenzhen and return to me and my children. I would like to ask: Is it necessary for me to forgive him?

Muzi Li emotional analysis:

Under what circumstances is a person prone to anxiety? 1) When your own income makes you dissatisfied; 2) when your lover's income makes you dissatisfied; 3) when you lack the minimum company between husband and wife; 4) when your current life is not up to your ideal state.

People's thoughts are actually quite complicated, especially when the mood is low, there will always be some negative thoughts in the mind, including questioning the holding of feelings, so that there are always people who feel that their married life is not happy. The point is that when decisions need to be made about something, they often give the trade-offs the upper hand.

One detail: Your evaluation of your husband is that the heart is higher than the sky, and the life is thinner than paper. Probably because you and your husband have not yet separated from each other, your husband has too many expectations for the future life, so that he will show a lot of visions about life in front of you, but when the specific implementation, it is difficult to find the dream into reality. In fact, there are many people who have repeatedly failed in life, after all, a person's success needs the support of various factors such as ability, luck, family situation, opportunity, personality, platform and so on. As long as there is a bad pool in a certain link, it will affect the final result.

After your child goes to kindergarten, your husband feels that he has less to worry about, so he wants to go to a more economically developed city. I believe that many people who go to Shenzhen to work hard have similar ideas with your husband. After actually going to Shenzhen, I found that not many people can eventually become "Shenzhen people", and the final fate of most people will be: where to come from and where to go back.

You also said that the money that your husband has saved in Shenzhen over the years is not much in Chongqing, so as far as your husband himself is concerned, it is very unsuccessful to leave Chongqing for Shenzhen to develop. At this time, the peace of his career and the loneliness of the husband and wife living apart gave him a temporary partner. Obviously, when you went to Shenzhen to visit your relatives, your husband still deliberately cleaned up the traces of his life with his temporary partner, and some details, he may not have considered it thoroughly, so that you still found some clues. In this case, your husband, in order to argue and beat a rake, began to complain about you in various ways. In fact, I just want to cover up his thief's heart.

Later, you returned to Chongqing from Shenzhen with resentment, in this case, you will instinctively reflect on the direction of your marriage, in fact, why not reflect on your husband. This means that even if you don't initiate a divorce from your husband, he is ready to return to you and your children after receiving his salary.

At this time, whether to forgive or not, mainly depends on your true thoughts: I don't think that after the lover cheated, it is a shameful thing to give forgiveness, the key is to ask yourself, is the divorce to bring you more harm, or forgiveness to bring you more harm.

I never think that the forgiveness given to my lover for cheating is because I am too provocative, but I feel that there are still many obstacles in marriage that I do not want to cross the past.

Each of us has a different attitude towards marriage, so about the retention of a relationship, in the case that the other party belongs to the wrong party, and the other party has a wrong attitude, the initiative of marriage is completely in your hands, at this time, you only need to think calmly and make a decision to follow your heart.

Regarding the uprooting, if you don't have a skill, it is best not to take risks. Going to a more economically developed city, for ordinary people, is just to change a city, continue to do the lowest level of society, or the income will be more, but a family's wealth, often in the assessment, everyone cares about the monthly balance. If it is said that at the cost of the separation of husband and wife, the balance of each month is almost the same as when the husband and wife are together, there is really no need to interpret the separation of two places.

Editor's Note:

When some people buy a house, they choose a house next to the road, the idea is that they can see the prosperity of the city every day, but after living in, they find that what they hear every day is the noise from the cars on the road.

Some people do not consider their own abilities when they prefer to work, and feel that it is good to work in a big city. The point is that when I was still living at the bottom of society in the big cities, I really didn't feel what the happiness these people were after was.

Regarding life, we need to have a reasonable positioning for ourselves and maximize our dreams, rather than giving some unrealistic plans for life, and then no plan can be implemented.

(Picture from the network, graphics and text have nothing to do)