Literature/learning is the treasure of the body
Why do some people "always" like to be picky about others?
I believe that many people have met such people, or partners, or parents, they always do not see the advantages of others, or do not want to see the advantages of others?
Maybe we ourselves are such people.
Here, we need to be clear that being picky is not bad, being picky is sometimes good, because it can defend its own boundaries, defend its own interests, take care of its own feelings, and, moreover, everyone has the impulse to criticize the people around them, but some people endure, some people pretend not to, and the problem is that some people are "always" picky about others.
In today's article, we will talk about why some people "always" like to be critical or dislike others, and how we should get along with such people.
1. People who are always critical of others are in order to "feel good about themselves"
"Always" is the person who is critical of others, usually in intimate relationships, because of the long time together, the relationship is more intimate, there are more opportunities to be picky, for example, between parents and children or between partners.
Some people may say that since one party is always picky or dislikes the other, why doesn't the picky party leave? Just like a wife who is always picky about her husband's lack of excellence, the wife can choose to leave and go to the person she thinks is excellent?
The answer is that the wife chooses not to leave, "always" critical of the husband, in order to "feel good about herself".
Think about it, those who are picky about others' stupidity will feel that they are smart; those who are picky about others and have no opinion will feel that they are capable and have control; those who dislike others are lazy will feel that they are very diligent.
So, those who "always" dislike others, although they will have anger or grievances, they also get a great sense of security and satisfaction from it, and this feeling will make them feel good.
From another point of view, those who are "always" critical of others, if they really live with good people, opinionated people, or hard-working people, they will bring their own feelings of stupidity, frustration, and laziness, which is why they choose not to leave.
2. People who are always critical of others are likely to be people who were always disliked when they were young
As mentioned earlier, those who like to criticize others are in order to "feel good about themselves", so from a deep level, they may also do so because they have experienced too much feeling of being disliked or criticized as a child.
They're afraid of that bad version of themselves, so they're going to throw that part out and let others experience it so they don't have to feel bad about themselves.
For example, some people are often disliked by their mothers when they are young, disgusted with stupidity, disliked not good enough, and when they grow up, they are extremely disgusted by being disliked or picky, so they must find a weak, unconstrained person, so that they can always feel that they have a sense of control, at the same time, they become the same person as their mother: they begin to dislike or criticize their partners and children.
So, those who like to criticize others, are insecure people, their hearts have always been afraid, afraid of being rejected.
To be critical of others is to be critical of oneself.
Here, in fact, it also explains why many people live as people they hate.
3. The only way not to dislike others is to stop hating yourself
How do people who are always disgusted or critical of others stop?
The answer is until they start reconciling with their bad selves.
That is, when they can accept themselves, see their imperfections, and allow themselves to sometimes not be good enough, lazy, and unintended, they can accept that others sometimes don't do well enough.
From this point of view, if we want to deal with our relationship with others, we must actually deal with our relationship with ourselves first.
Just like the wife who said earlier who is always critical of her husband, if she can stop being critical of herself and allow herself not to be excellent, so that when she sees a husband who is not so good, she will not feel disgusted, because she knows that occasionally not excellent, or not excellent in some way, it is nothing, after all, not excellent, is also an easy thing.
In this way, her relationship with her husband will also become smooth.
It can be seen that only by accepting ourselves can we accept others.
Write at the end:
The desire to be recognized by others is everyone's need.
But what if we're surrounded by someone who "always" likes to be picky?
In fact, the best way to deal with pickiness is to calmly and firmly express your dissatisfaction.
And this is to respond to the other person with a picky, that is, "you can criticize me, I can also criticize you"
It's just that some people don't dare to pick it up, at this time, they need to ask themselves, why don't they dare, what is the fear behind it? Will those fearful things really happen? Did it really happen, and I really couldn't bear it? Such rational analysis is likely to enhance their courage and boldness, and then dare to criticize back.
Or is there any benefit to their willingness to be picked? The answer to this question is likely to make them see that they are protecting themselves with a sense of grievance, and that they are experiencing a sense of moral superiority.
Because grievances are saying: I am a good person, you are a bad person, I am right, you are wrong.
But no matter how you respond, we need to be clear that the essence of pickiness is boundary intrusion.
For the boundary problem, we have to think about whether to allow ourselves to be invaded, because others criticize themselves, that is someone else's business, we can't control, but how to deal with it is our own business.
Hopefully, we will all be able to defend our own borders and, at the same time, not to violate the boundaries of others.
End of this article
Thank you for reading