Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
It can be observed from various historical documents and literary works that whether it is Eastern culture or Western culture, people are always particularly fond of works that depict love themes.
Whether this kind of work depicts sad love or sweet love, it always resonates strongly with some readers.
Psychology tells us that the reading material we love often reflects our deepest desires and aspirations.
We look forward to experiencing the kind of love described in the book, and while the process may be full of twists and turns, there are certain qualities that are expected of the partner.
We dream of walking hand in hand with him in the palace of marriage and enjoying that enviable love until his gray hair grows.
However, love in reality is often full of challenges and difficulties, and even the pain of not being able to get true love.
The ideal partner we once believed in may end up having to separate painfully because of frequent arguments, family interventions, etc.
Psychologically, it is believed that in a relationship, although love is very important, it is not the most critical element of the relationship.
Love alone does not sustain a long-term intimate relationship, what really matters is the following:
1. Empathy on both sides
In today's society, we often hear labels such as people complaining about people who are obviously incompetent but want their partners to be rich and dead to themselves.
There are also those who use blackmail to extract money from their partners to support their new love, while also expecting the victim to continue to give unreservedly, are the most disgusting in society.
It's no less off-putting than someone who has borrowed your money but flaunted luxury items and travel photos on social media, and is still unwilling to pay it back, who still thinks you're stingy when you're collecting debt.
The fundamental problem is that these people lack empathy and only think about their own needs.
Although everyone insists that they will never be in a relationship with such a person, over time, many people sadly find that their partner or themselves are such people.
Psychology believes that empathy is an important trait of prosociality, and that people with empathy are more sensitive in terms of emotional perception and socio-emotional insight, they are able to see problems from the perspective of others, and solve problems more effectively.
Empathetic people are naturally good listeners, and they can deeply understand the pain and happiness of others in the process of listening, and truly empathize.
They don't judge or criticize others easily, and respect for others is a core principle in how they handle things.
Empathy is an inner temperament, a stable and unchangeable state of mind.
Although everyone has compassion, it is more based on emotion, has a strong personal emotional color, is more subjective, and does not adhere to the principle of "no judgment", but is expressed based on personal thinking and preferences.
Love is built on mutual affection, but good feelings alone are not enough to sustain a relationship.
With the passage of time, if there is no essential change, it is difficult to avoid harm to each other.
Knowing a person is not the same as understanding him, and people who lack empathy may have a different upbringing than ordinary people, which also affects the way they express their feelings and deal with problems.
Xiao Li has been working in the government for five years, dealing with almost the same tasks day in and day out.
He was the only person in the department who was good at writing material, so the workload was huge, often working late into the night, sometimes until 3 a.m.
Such a high-intensity work life made Xiao Li's health gradually deteriorate, he had many symptoms such as dizziness, rapid heartbeat, etc., the most serious one was difficulty breathing in the middle of the night, which made his parents very worried, and rushed him to the hospital for examination, but fortunately there was no major problem.
The pressure of work made Xiao Li feel depressed, and he expressed to his parents the idea of quitting his job and wanting to change to a less stressful job.
However, her mother strongly objected, believing that Xiao Li's job was stable, well-paid, and secure, and it was a rare and good position.
Faced with his mother's opposition, Xiao Li chose to remain silent.
Unable to bear the pain, Xiao Li confided in his girlfriend about his predicament.
I thought that my girlfriend would have the same opinion as my mother, but my girlfriend firmly supported his decision.
With the support of his girlfriend, Xiao Li finally decided to quit his job, and after a month of rest, his physical condition improved significantly, and the discomfort disappeared.
After that, with his editing skills, he found a new job.
A year later, Xiao Li married his girlfriend.
After marriage, when his girlfriend asked him why he chose himself, Xiao Li smiled and said that in addition to loving her, because she has always firmly supported him and is his strongest backing.
In a relationship, partner support and understanding are important spiritual needs.
In our daily lives, we not only need to understand the other person's thoughts, but we should also give encouragement and support to the other person when they need it, so that the other person can feel this power.
Psychologist Karen Honey points out that
Society often demands a strong role from men and does not allow them to show vulnerability. As a result, they often suffer from stress in silence and have difficulty expressing their feelings.
Second, the belief that you want to develop for a long time
In modern society, it is common for love relationships to form quickly and then dissipate quickly.
People quickly fall in love because they suddenly discover a certain good in each other, but when the novelty wears off and the other person's shortcomings gradually appear, it becomes the norm for some people.
To build a long-lasting and healthy love relationship, we need to look to the future and consider how to maintain and nurture that relationship.
Intimacy typically goes through four stages:
1. Lunar halo stage: In the early stages of a relationship, partners usually only see the good in each other, and everything seems mysterious and seductive.
2. Disillusionment stage: Over time, the shortcomings and contradictions of both parties begin to be exposed, which is usually the turning point in the relationship
A smooth transition will determine the future of the relationship.
3. Introspection stage: In this stage, the partner will gain a deeper understanding of themselves and the relationship.
4. Inspiration stage: Partners will learn how to maintain intimacy and better manage their feelings.
In intimate relationships, recognizing yourself and the other person for who you really are, understanding and accepting each other's shortcomings and growth backgrounds is the key to maintaining and developing the relationship.
Only through continuous running-in and joint efforts can we achieve long-term happiness and happiness for both parties.
The End -
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Keywords: male-female relationship, psychology
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