Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
The way children are taught is an enduring topic of discussion that is fraught with uncertainty.
Each child has their own unique genes, brain structure, upbringing, and educational environment.
Therefore, I rarely recommend parents to attend various educational seminars, because there is no one method that can be applied to all children.
This is also the reason why you may have attended many lectures and still find it difficult to educate your children well.
The approach I suggest is:
Thought.
While this sounds simple, many parents often overlook it.
Our brains have gone through three stages of evolution, which are:
The reptilian brain, the lactation brain, and the human brain, which correspond to the human brainstem, limbic system, and neocortex, respectively.
Reptile Brain:
It mainly deals with basic survival behaviors such as breathing, swallowing, and blinking;
lactating brain:
Responsible for generating various emotions such as fear, excitement, anger, and happiness, among others, these emotions are actually high-level responses to external stimuli that help organisms survive in their natural environment;
Human Brain:
It is the latest product of evolution and is responsible for thinking.
After understanding these concepts, we can recognize that information is delivered from the bottom up.
This means that the lactating brain receives signals faster than the human brain, which is why we lose our minds when we get angry and regret it later, because the lactating brain processes the information before the human brain.
In addition, the human brain consumes 20% of the body's energy, which is a considerable proportion.
This leads us to a basic code of conduct:
Try to avoid having your brain think, and put your brain into autopilot mode, such as deciding what to remember and what to forget, or using labels to distinguish between people.
This concept can help explain many of the problems in the parent-child relationship.
Family is our safe haven, and family is the most trusted person in the world.
So, when we spend time with our loved ones at home, the brain is very relaxed, and the lactating brain is allowed to automate itself through emotions.
That's why we often lose our temper with those closest to us. This also indirectly shows that many of our children's behaviors and ways of getting along with each other are not well thought out.
By explaining the process and structure in detail, I hope you don't blame yourself.
This is determined by human physiology, not through your fault.
But after reading this article, I hope you can change your behavior, after all, the ultimate control of your body is still in your hands.
Next, let's explore why we rarely really think about our interactions with children.
Taking reasoning as an example, many people may wonder
No, if you're really sensible, you won't just reason with your child.
Let's explore why we rarely reflect on the way we interact with our children, especially when it comes to explaining truths.
In fact, if you are really sensible, you may not choose to reason with your child at all.
so
That's when we need to refuse a child's request.
When a child asks for something and we don't want to agree, and we are worried that the child will be upset, we will try to explain in detail why we can't.
We naively hope that with our mature brain, the brain full of knowledge and social experience, we can expect an immature brain to understand adult problems.
Isn't this embarrassing for them? Therefore, children often show two reactions:
One is to feel hopeless and cry, feeling that it is too difficult;
The other is to suppress yourself for fear of making you angry.
Frankly, neither of these reactions is ideal, one exacerbates the intensity of emotions, and the other reinforces the child's repression of self-needs.
In fact, it is almost impossible to get children to think about problems in the way of adults, but the solution is actually very simple.
With a little thought, you will find that things will be much easier if you put yourself in your shoes and use a child's mind to understand the problem.
Our common conflicts come from opposing needs, such as children wanting you to be with them. If you look at this need from your child's point of view, you will find that he may be bored, or scared, or just want your company.
And if you are busy with your own affairs and don't accompany him, it is actually a manifestation of a conflict of needs.
At this time, if you explain the reasoning to your child,
If you think about it this way, you will find that those crying children are actually not so irritating, and those children who don't understand what you say and other words, but still nod their heads to show understanding, which is really distressing.
According to the book "Nonviolent Communication",
When a person is in a difficult situation, if he is "comforted" by reasoning at the beginning, it may provoke the other party's disgust or even hatred.
In this world, what children need most is always the love and support of their parents, which is like holding on to a lifebuoy in the ocean, and it is the responsibility of every parent to give him a sense of security.
If you are in conflict with your child's needs at some point, the problem is actually very simple, you have a more mature brain and more experience, why not let you solve the problem?
The End -
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Keywords: children's education, psychology
The picture comes from the Internet, please contact for infringement
WeChat public account: First Psychology