#头条创作挑战赛#
The list of self-discipline training on the web is eye-catching:
- As soon as the alarm goes off in the morning, wake up as soon as it goes on.
- Dressing and washing can be done in less than 10 minutes.
- Insist on reading every morning and have a loud voice.
However, feedback from parents reveals the difficulty of practice:
- "The theory is perfect, but the execution is a challenge for the children. ”
- "If the first one can be implemented, it will be a huge step forward. ”
Hope that the son will become a dragon, hope that the woman will become a phoenix, and self-discipline will become a compulsory course.
- Competing with a child's natural laziness is never easy.
Education expert Professor Li Meijin said:
- "Self-discipline is not the fruit of coercion, but the flower of careful cultivation. ”
To explore a gentler and smarter educational path, four major psychological effects may help:
- Leveraging the brilliance of human nature, overcoming rigidity with softness, and achieving twice the result with half the effort on the educational journey.
White Bear Effect: The more you don't allow it, the more you will resist
A mother who asked for help online felt extremely helpless in the face of her son, who was in his second year of junior high school.
The son's behavior is heart-wrenching: skipping class, smoking, and even doing something to his parents. All this changed in junior high school, which was similar to his performance as a child.
In order to give the child better educational conditions, the mother chose a well-known local private middle school, let the child live and study, and set up a series of strict rules for this: no late arrivals and early departures, no early love, etc., full of expectations.
However, instead of pushing the child to improve, these harsh disciplines have taken the situation for the worse.
The child's grades plummeted, and his behavior showed signs of being late, leaving early, skipping class, falling in love, and even worse, he became a smoker, and his grades slipped to the bottom of the class.
Faced with such a dilemma, the mother tries to correct the child's behavior through the traditional form of punishment - copying the text, but this only exacerbates the contradiction.
The son refused to obey, and when his emotions exploded, he threw the language book at his mother.
Subsequently, the mother's slap and the son's angry departure from home became the epitome of the escalation of the mother-son conflict.
I can't help but think deeply, why do children have such strong rebellious feelings?
Perhaps, the root of the problem lies in the mother's inadvertent triggering of the "white bear effect", that is, the reverse psychological reinforcement caused by excessive inhibition, which invisibly intensifies the child's rebellious mentality.
A famous experiment by social psychologist Daniel Wegener reveals such a phenomenon:
When he instructed the participants to avoid thinking of the white bear, this deliberate inhibition caused the image of the white bear to quickly take over their minds.
This phenomenon is also evident in family education. Parental bans are often counterproductive – the more they are banned, the stronger their children's curiosity and desire becomes.
For example, "Don't run!" may be heard by a child as "Run!";
"Don't yell!" instead stimulates a higher volume, and "Don't touch!" seems to be an invisible invitation, making children more eager to touch and explore.
These forbidden instructions are like releasing an untamable white bear in the child's heart, constantly provoking them to challenge the boundaries.
This is precisely why the more parents block something, the more rebellious and curious the child tends to be.
Therefore, the art of education lies in letting go in moderation.
When children are given the right amount of freedom, they are better able to learn to distinguish the boundaries of behaviour and understand what to do and what not to do.
Through a process of exploration and self-discovery, children build up their own judgments, which makes education an internal guide rather than an external compulsion.
Self-person effect: Gain trust to communicate
One day, the father inadvertently found a bunch of delicate small cards in his son's trouser pocket.
Curious, he opened a few envelopes and was surprised to find that they were handwritten "love letters" from little girls to their sons—innocent and full of childlike fun.
These immature confessions surprised him, after all, his son had just entered the fifth grade, and he already had his own little secret.
But he chose not to remain silent and returned these "tokens of love" intact to their original places, without showing any awareness.
In some leisure moment, father and son sat down and had a long talk.
The father recalls his teenage years, telling that he had a crush on a girl since elementary school, but it was not until he entered the ideal university that the two bravely confirmed each other's hearts, and then fell in love, got married, and welcomed the boy, his son.
As for the small cards in his son's trouser pocket, he deliberately avoided talking about them.
The son seems to have realized the meaning of "long flow" in love from his father's story.
Since then, those little notes full of innocence have quietly stopped appearing in his pockets.
This wise father actually used the "own person effect" in psychology, guided by personal experience, and quietly influenced his son, making education like spring breeze and rain, moisturizing things silently.
Professor Neugarm conducted an experiment in which seventeen university students were recruited as participants.
Depending on the student's values and personality traits, they are arranged to live in different dormitories for up to four months.
At the beginning of the experiment, even though the roommates had great personality differences, they quickly developed a sense of closeness.
However, over time, a high degree of similarity of attitudes and values has become the key to determining the level of intimacy among dormitory members.
This finding reveals the core of the "own person effect" – that similarity promotes interpersonal attraction.
This effect shows that when people perceive that the other party has similar positions and concepts to their own, not only the intimacy increases, but the other person's point of view is more easily accepted.
The concept of "one's own person" in the experiment means that once you are treated as a kind, the barriers to persuasion and communication are greatly reduced.
Applied to the parent-child relationship, the father in this case effectively narrowed the spiritual distance with the child by sharing his personal experience, so that the child consciously became a member of "his own camp".
In this way, the father's follow-up guidance and suggestions are like internal opinions, and the child is more willing to accept them openly, and inadvertently be positively influenced and gradually move towards change.
In short, Niugam's experiment and its derived "own person effect" emphasize the powerful bonding role of similarity in interpersonal relationships, and suggest that building deep psychological resonance is an important way to guide and influence others in educational and communication strategies.
The Rosenthal Effect: With regular encouragement, children will be better
A while ago, an old photo of Wang Shiling posted by Li Xiang quickly became popular on major social platforms.
In the photo, Li Xiang's eyes were full of pride and appreciation when he looked at his daughter.
Unlike many parents, Li Xiang used more encouragement when educating Wang Shiling.
Growing up in this endless tolerance and love, Wang Shiling appears to be more confident, brave and outstanding than her peers.
When she was 8 years old, her painting "Peacock" was auctioned for a high price of 120,000 yuan.
At the age of 9, Wang Shiling successfully held a solo exhibition.
At the age of 12, she was offered an exhibition at the Louvre Museum in France for her work "Garden".
What's even more amazing is that while studying at the top girls' school in the UK, Boneton Girls' School,
Wang Shiling defeated 90% of the school's students with her talent for painting and won an annual design scholarship of up to 670,000 yuan.
Li Xiang's educational philosophy coincides with the "Rosenthal effect" in psychology.
Psychologists Robert Rosenthal and Edith Jacobson once conducted an experiment at an elementary school.
In the beginning, they selected a group of children from among the students and told their names to the teachers, while hinting that the children would have a good future development.
Although the list is not made public, after being hinted at by the list, teachers will give more praise and less criticism to these children in their daily teaching.
These children, in the continuous positive affirmation of the outside world, gradually show a more confident and optimistic style, and their growth path is also paved with excellent footprints.
The truth is, these children were originally just random children.
It is the magic of appreciation that gives them confidence and leads them to a brighter journey in life.
In the same way, in the daily life of the family, the attitude of parents is like the hand of a sculptor, quietly shaping the child's mental form.
If parents habitually use blame as a means of communication, the positive energy and happiness in the child's heart will quietly pass.
On the other hand, if parents are generous with praise, sincere recognition, and broad tolerance, children will thrive in the direction that their parents expect.
After all, it is human nature to desire to be recognized, and the pursuit of every praise in life is like the innocent yearning for little red flowers in childhood, which is the eternal desire in everyone's heart.
Threshold effect: Take your time, it's better
One mother shared this experience:
Her child had just started the first grade, but she was challenged to skip rope in physical education class, and she couldn't jump a single one.
At first, the mother took the approach of direct intervention and insisted that her daughter practice every day.
However, instead of stimulating the child's interest, this practice gradually caused her to lose confidence and become depressed at the mention of skipping rope.
Realizing that the approach might not be right, the mother adjusts her strategy and decides to set a series of small, achievable goals as a way to encourage her child.
In the first stage, the goal is simplified to this: make the child happy to get out of the house and pick up the skipping rope.
In the second step, the standard is relaxed, and only the child is required to be able to complete a jump, regardless of whether the posture is standard or not.
In the third stage, after the child can easily skip one, gradually increase to a dozen.
Miraculously, when the child was able to jump a dozen times in a row, the attitude changed 180 degrees. Changing from passive to active, she began to take the initiative to ask for skipping time and excitedly asked her mother to shoot a video to document this progress for daily self-motivation.
This successful experience was then applied by this wise mother to her children's learning and musical instrument practice, and both achieved unexpected good results.
By setting small, step-by-step goals, children not only overcome resistance, but also demonstrate a proactive, self-driven growth trend in multiple areas.
The threshold effect, a classic concept in psychology, originated from the 1966 social experiment of Friedman and Fraser.
Experiment: The researchers first visited a group of housewives and gently asked them to hang a small window sign, which most readily accepted.
Deepening Requirements: The research team then returned to the homes and requested an upgrade to install a larger, less aesthetically pleasing signboard in the courtyard. Surprisingly, more than half of the housewives nodded in agreement.
Differences in comparison groups: In another set of controls, requests for the same large signboard were made directly to different housewives, and the consent rate plummeted to less than 20%.
The wisdom of incremental strategies: This phenomenon reveals that people tend to adopt initial, easy-to-accomplish tasks. Once a small step is taken, subsequent requests for larger ones are less difficult to accept.
Implications of homeschooling: Parents use this strategy to guide their children, starting from the subtleties and gradually raising the requirements. In a stress-free state, the child not only does not resist, but is more confident because of the continuous successful experience.
The Art of Gaining Inches: This is the positive application of the "Inch by Size" effect, by setting a series of achievable goals to motivate children to challenge themselves, and each jump can steadily pick the fruit of the tree of growth, achieving a double leap of ability and mind.
Educationalist Dr. Jane Nelson has a thought-provoking remark: "If you are in pain in your children, you may not be able to do it properly." ”
It is true that children have unlimited potential, and the method of education determines the trajectory of growth.
Cultivating according to the child's nature is not only a wise choice, but also an efficient way.
Gently click [Follow] at the end of the article, may you grasp the right key to education and nourish a better next generation.