#头条创作挑战赛#
Recently, a topic on the Internet has sparked heated discussions:
In marriage, is it easier for the selfish person to reap happiness, or is the selfless person more likely to embrace joy?
And the answer of the masses is surprisingly inclined to the former - the selfish.
This does not refer to those who are extremely self-conscious and disregard for others, but specifically to those who deeply understand the mysteries of human nature.
Not only do they know what they need, but they also have a keen sense of what their partner wants.
This kind of "selfishness" is actually self-care based on mutual understanding and respect, so that both parties can find satisfaction and balance in the relationship.
"Selfish" people know what they want
When I was in college, I had a classmate who made a particularly strong impression on those around her—she was unusually sober and unique among the crowd.
At that time, most girls were easily carried away by love, but she was able to remain rational, which was particularly remarkable.
Back then, the dormitory was simple and not yet equipped with a water dispenser.
As a result, the daily hot water needs to be extracted from the hot water room, which becomes a challenge in winter.
Winters in the north are harsh, and the roads are icy after the snow, making walking difficult and dangerous.
In this environment, many girls in love in the dormitory will choose to ask their boyfriends to help fetch water to the door of the dormitory to avoid the cold.
This kind of warm little gesture often becomes a sweet conversation among roommates after tea and dinner, full of youthful warmth and dependence.
And this classmate of mine, her independence and self-improvement, are particularly prominent in these daily small things, not relying on others, insisting on taking on the bits and pieces of life by herself, which is undoubtedly a clear stream in the environment at that time, which is still fresh in people's memories.
What is puzzling is that there are always boys around her who take the initiative to be courteous, such as buying breakfast early, scrambling to help her fetch water, and their behavior is positive and frequent.
However, she never established a romantic relationship with these passionate suitors.
At that time, we discussed in private that she seemed a little selfish, as if she was only willing to indulge in the kindness of others, but was unwilling to bear the responsibilities and obligations of emotions.
It wasn't until her first class reunion after graduating from college, which she attended with her husband, that the truth emerged. It turned out that her partner was also a classmate of ours.
It gradually became clear that she was not unwilling to accept the pursuit of others, but in her eyes, the kindness that was too easy to show seemed to lack weight and was almost readily available.
What she longs for in her heart has never been this shallow flattery, but the resonance and understanding in the depths of her heart.
Therefore, when choosing a partner, she did not limit herself to those suitors who waited downstairs in the dormitory, competing for trivial chores, but set her sights on the wider world - the quiet study room of the library, the lively scene of club activities. There, like-minded souls are more likely to meet.
Some people may accuse her of being selfish, but it is this "selfishness" that gives her a thorough understanding of her true needs. Based on this deep understanding, she found and chose a partner who was more suitable for her.
Isn't this kind of self-awakening and choice a kind of precious sobriety?
"Selfish" people will strive for happiness on their own
Recently, a story on the Internet made me think deeply and filled me with empathy for the women in the story.
She entered the marriage hall on the threshold of thirty-two, and the other party was a middle-aged man ten years older than her and a fourteen-year-old child. Perhaps because of her age, she chose this marriage.
With good intentions, she decided to treat her husband's children as her own and to love him with all her heart.
In order to maintain a good relationship with her stepson, she even sacrificed her right to be a mother and did not have children.
She hopes that this selfless dedication can win the cherishment and respect of her husband and in-laws. Ten years later, however, reality dealt her a heavy blow – her husband filed for divorce for a straightforward and cruel reason: he had a new emotional home outside.
The lady was deeply puzzled, what was the meaning of ten years of dedication and sacrifice?
She recalls that in order to ease her husband's financial burden, she gave her mother-in-law financial support in private, hoping to promote a harmonious atmosphere in the family.
However, contrary to her wishes, her sincerity and hard work were exchanged for the indifference and contempt of her in-laws.
All this heart-to-heart pouring seems to only prove a cold fact: on the unequal emotional scale, unilateral efforts may not be able to reap the warmth they deserve.
The words of an emotional expert are thought-provoking: even if you step into marriage, you must remain sober and self-conscious. Don't give up everything you have for your partner and children.
You might think that such selfless dedication will eventually be rewarded with the same amount of money, but remember that there is little true empathy in the world. If you are lucky enough to meet a good fate, maybe your efforts will be gentle, however, once you choose the wrong one, you fail to meet the right person,
I am afraid that all the sacrifices will be exchanged not for gratitude, but for indifference. It is often said that love should be kept for oneself, so what are these three points used for?
For self-improvement - to improve the taste of wearing, enrich the knowledge base, and optimize living habits. Bring out your best self at the right time and work tirelessly in key areas.
Stay vigorous and face the world in the best state, this positive energy will surely infect the people around you, and life will be beautiful to you.
The so-called "selfishness" actually understands a truth: happiness needs to be created with one's own hands.
"Selfish" people will understand the darkness of human nature
The word "selfishness" here refers not simply to the supremacy of self-interest, but to the tolerance and understanding of the complexity of human nature.
One marriage counselor's wisdom sharing is impressive: the key to maintaining a good marriage is to have a moderate amount of "white space" – to listen to and value the other person's voice while focusing on your own needs.
There is a video circulating on the Internet about a husband who plans to host a dinner at home to entertain his colleagues, and asks his wife for advice in advance.
His wife knew that this was not only a strategy for him to strengthen his workplace relationships, but also an opportunity to use the image of family harmony to add points to his career promotion.
Although the move was a little vain, she understood its importance to her husband's career path.
Therefore, on the day of the banquet, she carefully decorated the home, placed group photos, and played the role of a supporter throughout the whole process to ensure that her husband had a good face.
This scene is a vivid interpretation of the saying: "A successful partnership is about working together on a common goal." ”
The "common goal" here is not only limited to the matching of economic conditions, but also related to the tacit understanding and comfort of the soul.
It means that even if you see through the selfishness of the other person, you are still willing to give satisfaction and promote the peace of mind of the other person;
Even if he has insight into the inevitable selfish corners of human nature, he still chooses to be gentle and protect the innocence of the other party's heart;
Understand the dark side of human nature that is revealed to each other, because we know that no one is exempt from this.
This is a complete acceptance, a willingness to give, and a firm belief in the value of this investment.
The management of marriage is actually a deep understanding and adjustment of human nature.
Only when both partners can face and embrace the darkness and fragility of each other's humanity will the bond of marriage become stronger and more enduring and lasting.
In this colorful world, there is a mantra: mountains can collapse, people can be scattered, and relying on it is not a long-term strategy.
Therefore, marriage should not be seen as a safe haven in life, it should not be the end of the journey, but the beginning of another adventure.
Marriage, in fact, is an ensemble of life, marking the beginning of the world of the two.
From then on, the bits and pieces of life will be closely connected with another heart, sharing joy, sharing wind and rain, and even working together to create new life.
But this is not to make you lose yourself and become an accessory to each other, but to stand side by side and be wonderful in each other.
The ideal state of marriage is that you and I are both strong and complement each other, and there is no need for the shadow of who is who.
You have your brilliance, and I also have my light, shining in their respective fields, respecting each other, and achieving each other.
Remember, no matter where your marriage is going, it's important to preserve your space and time.
Running one's personal life, not being entirely emotionally or financially attached, is the key to grasping the initiative in marriage.
In this way, life is colored by self-growth, and marriage is more resilient as a result.
Remember, the strongest backing in marriage comes from one's own strength and independence.
Click [Agree], may we all be brave to become the "self" and not selfish partner, while embracing self-growth, deeply understanding each other, and working together to create a better life.