The mother brought her granddaughter uninvited and was turned away by the son: ten years ago it was your own choice to abstain

01

Does the mother-in-law have the obligation to help the daughter-in-law with the child?

In fact, over the years, whether a mother-in-law should help her daughter-in-law with her children has been a controversial topic.

From a legal point of view, it is true that mother-in-law has no obligation to help her daughter-in-law with children. But I have always believed that home should not be a place of reason, but a place of love.

Especially with the acceleration of the social rhythm, the pressure on young people's lives is increasing day by day, and many families simply do not have the ability to fully realize the life of "male and female protagonists".

Women can't let go of everything at home and concentrate on bringing children, and only by working at the same time as men can they afford the normal expenses of a family.

As a result, after the birth of the child, "who will help with the child" has become a problem that every family has to face.

Although the law stipulates that the mother-in-law has no obligation to help the daughter-in-law with the child, if the daughter-in-law's family does have difficulties, and when the mother-in-law obviously has the time and conditions to help but chooses to ignore it, it is inevitably too impersonal.

In this case, when the mother-in-law needs to provide for the elderly, it is estimated that many daughters-in-law will not be so willing to give the mother-in-law a pension.

Yan Shu (pseudonym) knew the truth of this and refused his mother's request for early retirement on behalf of his wife.

02

Yan Shu and his wife are ordinary workers.

When they first got married, their parents on both sides pooled their money to pay them a down payment, and finally had a stable nest.

But at the same time, the pressure of the monthly mortgage is not small. On weekdays, Yan Shu's salary is used to pay off the mortgage, the wife is responsible for living expenses, and the family income and expenditure are basically the same.

Originally, the couple planned to wait for their respective careers to go up a higher level, and then have children after their incomes were better. But on all odds, the wife was unexpectedly pregnant.

Since the child patronizes in advance, there is no reason not to be born. So the couple decided to obey the fate of the arrangement, first give birth to the child, and then let Yan Shu's mother come to help take care of it, and the couple continued to work and support the family.

They wondered if their mother lived alone in the countryside anyway, and she usually had nothing to do, and her body was also tough. Yan Shu is also the only child in the family, and the mother has no reason not to help them with the child, so she usually does not deliberately propose to let the mother take the child.

They take this for granted, after all, grandmas all over China are helping to bring their grandchildren.

But what Yan Shu did not expect was that after the birth of her daughter, her mother actually found various reasons not to help with the child. No matter how the couple spread out their difficulties and broke them, they told her that their mother just didn't care.

Seeing that Yan Shu and his wife were still trying to persuade, the mother even moved out a set of "mother-in-law has no obligation to help the daughter-in-law with the child, and in the future when she is old, she will not need you to provide for the elderly", completely dispelling their thoughts.

If the mother does not help with the children, the wife will not be able to work. With Yan Shu's salary alone, even adults can't afford to raise their mortgages, let alone raise children.

The couple was anxious. In the end, it was the mother-in-law who stepped forward and retired early to help with the baby.

After experiencing this incident, Yan Shu could clearly feel his wife's dissatisfaction with her mother. Although I look at the calm wind and waves on weekdays, I have always been worried about it in my heart.

Yan Shu also understood in his heart that his mother's handling of this matter was indeed not good. In contrast, the mother-in-law is indeed more worthy of respect.

He said he was here to take the kids, but a lot of things in the family were busy with my mother-in-law. Buying vegetables and cooking, washing clothes with children, Yan Shu came back late from overtime and cooked him for supper, etc., everything was thorough, and there was no half a complaint.

It is precisely because of the help of the mother-in-law that the couple has been able to devote themselves to their work in the past ten years. Not only has the income increased, but the children have also been educated by their mother-in-law to be very good and sensible.

It's all to my mother-in-law.-

On the other hand, because the mother was reluctant to help with the child, the relationship between the wife and the mother has been lukewarm. Except for the occasional visit during the New Year's Holiday, the wife can try not to see her mother as much as possible without meeting her. Coupled with the relationship between the epidemic in the past two years, there is less contact, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is very cold.

But Yan Shu only has this one mother after all, so usually he often returns to the countryside to visit his mother.

I don't know when her mother often took the opportunity of Yan Shu to go back to see her, saying that she wanted to go into the city to help them with their children.

Yan Shu knew his mother's intentions. Although she has always stressed that she is going to take the child, it is actually because she is old, she does not want to eat and wear alone, and wants to go to the city to retire.

Yan Shu didn't pick it out either, and he randomly found some reasons and prevaricated it.

Who knew that the mother was not dead hearted, and not long ago she packed her bags alone, and came without a single greeting.

The wife is naturally unwilling, but her personality does not allow her to reject her mother in person, and she can only be alone there.

Yan Shu saw his wife's thoughts, so he turned his mother away and said, "Ten years ago, you chose to abstain, and now we are not willing to live with you, you still go back to your hometown." ”

After saying that, he took the luggage in his mother's hand and forcibly sent her back to her hometown.

Yan Shu said that he was not desperate, but wanted to give his wife an explanation. In the future, when the mother really needs to take care of it, he will definitely take care of it. But now he would not agree to let her come and live with her. Because my mother's body is still very tough, it is completely fine to live alone.

If you come at this time, the wife's heart will definitely be uncomfortable, which will affect the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It's better to give each other some more time and talk about it later.

03

In life, like Yan Shu's mother, when she was young, she did not help her daughter-in-law to bring her children, and there were many elderly people who were turned away when they were old.

Through Yan Shu's behavior, it also tells us the following two truths.

One: Filial piety must not be unfilial, nor can it be foolish.

Parents give us life, with hard work to raise us to grow up, filial piety to parents, for them to provide for the elderly, is the unshirkable responsibility of each of us as children.

If, when parents need care, children are unwilling to fulfill their maintenance obligations and refuse to provide for them. Not only is it legally unavoidable, but it is also morally impermissible.

As a child, we must not be filial, but we must not be foolish.

Especially when we have our own small family, if there is a basis for contradictions between parents and partners, we must learn to be impartial and handle family affairs with a relatively fair attitude.

Just like Yan Shu.

In the case that the couple did have difficulties, her mother had the ability but did not help with the child, which meant that she did not pay attention to the righteousness first.

If Yan Shu is foolish and filial, disregarding his wife's feelings and agreeing to his mother's request to come to live, it will only aggravate the original contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and make the relationship between them worse. If you want to repair it later, you may have to pay more efforts, which is not conducive to family harmony.

Therefore, timely intervention is the most secure way to deal with it.

Second: Balancing family relationships is the responsibility that men should take on.

After a man becomes a family, his identity is no longer only the son of the mother, but also the husband of the wife and the father of the child.

In addition to earning money to support the family, as the pillar of the family, men should also consciously assume the responsibility of balancing family relations. The words that the wife is inconvenient to say and the problems that are solved by the man should be completed by the man for her.

After all, the same sentence, the same way of dealing with problems, from the daughter-in-law's mouth, and from the son's mouth, the effect is completely different.

The son can talk about things and say that the mother's is not. No matter how unpleasant the current situation is, the mother and son do not have an overnight feud, and they will soon be able to reconcile as before.

But the daughter-in-law can't. Sometimes the tone of speech is slightly inattentive, and the expression is not managed in place, which may make the mother-in-law's geng for a long time.

Therefore, the "bad guys" in marriage must be changed.

When facing the in-laws' families, the husband is the bad guy; in the face of the mother's family, the wife is in the front.

Only in this way can we better protect our lovers and maintain family harmony.

Text/No Pen