Wen Chu Ke
Relationships are not as simple as we think, sometimes intricate, like spider webs, and even like a mess. If you can consciously know, distinguish, and grasp from the heart, you can handle complex interpersonal relationships well, not only can you sort out a clue, but also be able to be orderly. A big principle in the middle of this is to clarify the transformation of the relationship between relatives, acquaintances and living people - relatives must be born, raw people must be familiar, and acquaintances must be kissed.
In the laws of social survival, interpersonal relationships are indispensable. People who have the ability to handle various interpersonal relationships have high emotional intelligence and are masters of sociology.
Everyone has their own circle, centered on themselves, and pick five people (including themselves) from all the groups that come closer together, and you will find that almost two of these four people are stronger than you and two are weaker than you.
Interpersonal relationships include relatives, familiar people, and strange people, and many times, we often handle these three relationships incorrectly.
What should be done to be correct? To give everyone three rules: relatives should be born, people should be familiar, and acquaintances should be kissed. These points are for your reference.
Loved ones are going to be born
It is not necessary for relatives to be intimate and meticulous. It is the most relatives, so it is the most important to keep a distance, because the relatives are often together, too familiar with each other's behavior, so it is even more necessary to maintain a certain distance.
Relatives often do not have a strong sense of boundaries, such as the relationship between parents and children, such as the relationship between husband and wife.
When parents get along with their children, rules are rules. Personally, I don't like my children to call their parents' full names or even nicknames, this is not to learn western culture in progressive ideas, but to learn ignorance from countries that are not far away in history.
In the past, my parents taught me that the elders could not sit down first when they did not go to the dinner table, the elders could not move the chopsticks, and the younger generations could not pick vegetables first.
How many people in today's society still have this rule? Everything is only the child comes first. Delicious food to taste for the child first, the child is the first to serve the bowl when eating.
Under the influence of this kind of education, the idea of children being selfish and not caring about others has long been deeply rooted, and you still expect your children to think of leaving you a mouthful when they eat, and complaining?
Think about how to guide children with behavior in the first place, the fault is that parents do not understand the rules.
When husband and wife get along, pay attention to equality and respect each other as guests. It may sound like a polite way of life between husband and wife, but this way helps the other person to have their own private space.
In many family emotional mediation programs, husband and wife hate each other more than the enemy after turning their eyes, because one or both parties have no sense of boundaries and treat each other as their own personal belongings.
Why are there contradictions and conflicts? Because it's too pro.
If there is no special reason between husband and wife, it should be the longest time to see and accompany each other every day. After a long time together, the talk is often "nothing to talk about", and some of these talks become the fuse of contradictions.
"Unreservedly" let the other person know everything about you, especially some memories that are not very good, will cause psychological harm to the other party. Over time, these contents will explode with the trivialities of life.
Between husband and wife, give each other a little space, allow each other to have some small secrets, respect the partner, and be a little polite, life will be better.
Acquaintances want to kiss
In social interaction, we have many acquaintances. There are colleagues, classmates, and playmates who grew up.
There are often some acquaintances who have no secrets between each other, and the content of the story is richer than that of the husband and wife who know each other. For example, if a man has a lover outside, he may hide it from everyone, but he will tell him the most iron brother.
Sometimes, he even needs his brother to cover for him and help him complete some "secret" operations.
But secrets are secrets, and when there is no conflict of interest, both sides are okay with each other. Once a conflict of interest arises, the secret in your heart that you don't want to be mined comes from the mouth of an acquaintance.
If you look at the chat records and action trajectories exposed on the Internet, if you are not acquaintances, which can obtain such a large amount of information?
Acquaintances want to kiss each other, how to kiss? Learn from the older generation of the last century. At that time, materials were scarce, but people's spirit was particularly strong.
In the city, workers or neighbors sneak through the door, share their own dried salted fish, drink two or two small wines, and talk about their current life and plans for the future.
There may be a few people in the countryside who get together to a nagging situation, and everyone gathers around to suck a meal of noodles and pickles, and the meal is only a painful and happy meal, but also with the satisfaction of the heart.
No matter whose family has something, the purpose is that "distant relatives are not as good as neighbors", and everyone extends a warm hand. At that time, the help was from the heart, taking the affairs of friends as their own affairs, without calculation and without consideration of interests.
This kind of heartfelt kiss is no longer there.
Raw people must be familiar
Outside the circle is the territory of strangers, especially some special jobs such as sales, etc., you have to deal with different strangers until they become mature people.
There are also some online chat pen pals, who have never met but feel familiar, and these belong to strangers.
Turning strangers into acquaintances can reflect one of your abilities: social cow X syndrome.
Flip through WeChat to see how many strangers are in your list, and how many can you seriously remember?
Many people like to talk to their unknown pen pals on the Internet about the most real situation, because they don't know each other. It seems that there is no one around me who can speak the truth!
This is sadness.
You can't say privacy between acquaintances, but you can talk to strangers. Of course, not all strangers can chat like this, it must be familiar strangers, who can communicate with each other in a frequency resonance.
There is a point in the law of social survival: there are friends to have resources.
If you can't establish the most basic social relationships with others, then that person must be lonely and unsociable.
Mature relationships that make each other feel comfortable are the quality of emotional relationships. Those who can't make you happy, maybe the other person's emotional intelligence is too low, maybe the other party doesn't take you seriously, maybe the other party deliberately wants to do that, just to make it difficult for you.
"Pursuit of profits" is no longer only the characteristic of businessmen, but also the characteristics of the general public. Only the corresponding interest relationship is the most stable relationship.
Therefore, whether it is on the same chain of interests or not, I hope that everyone will not mess up the relationship. Relatives must be born, people must be familiar, acquaintances must be kissed, this is the most important.