In recent years, "raising children and preventing the elderly" has been complained about by people, and some people have conclusively proposed: daughters are the intimate little cotton jackets of parents. But this is not the case, in the issue of supporting the elderly, there is still a big difference between having children and having children.
My neighbor, Aunt Wang, has a son and a daughter under her knees. Two years ago, because of the death of her wife, Aunt Wang's children privately agreed to let Aunt Wang "live as a family for one year", taking turns to retire the two families, and each of them fulfilled filial piety. In the year when my son lived, although the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law occasionally had a little friction, the overall life was still passable.
When it was her turn to live at her daughter's house for a year, Aunt Wang stayed for two months and then moved back on her own. She made small talk with the old ladies around her: I would rather live in a nursing home than go to my daughter's house.
"Is it because your daughter is not filial to you?" The people around me asked with some puzzlement.
"Not really, my daughter is very filial to me. At home, he did not let me interfere in anything, and always advised me to rest more and enjoy the blessings. Although my son-in-law didn't say much, he was still polite to me. But I lived in my daughter's house for two months, talking and doing things carefully, unable to let go of my hands and feet, always feeling that I was a pure outsider, afraid of causing them trouble. ”
Aunt Wang told everyone the big truth, "I am thinking about finding a nursing home to live in, my daughter and son-in-law have time to come to the nursing home to see, when relatives move around, I am also more comfortable." ”
There are old ladies around to echo: "The daughter who marries out, the water that is spilled out, the pension still depends on the son." ”
The old concept of raising children and preventing the elderly, I did not approve of it before, but after seeing some things experienced by the people around me, I also had to admit that although my daughter and my son have the same obligations and responsibilities as the elderly. But in terms of elderly pensions, sons are more reliable than daughters.
Why is it that sons are more reliable than daughters when it comes to supporting parents? The reasons behind this are realistic
l Intimate and unending affection, because of the existence of the son-in-law, there is a spiritual barrier
Compared with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, because of the blood connection, the relationship with the parents before the daughter is married is intimate. As in "there is no overnight feud between mother and daughter".
But after the daughter got married and started a family, with the intervention of the role of son-in-law, the daughter did not seem to be her own family. Invisibly, the feelings with his parents have also been separated, and he has gradually developed a spiritual gap from everything to talk about.
Parents are inevitably cautious when talking to their daughters, and many times they have to worry about the presence and feelings of their son-in-law.
Many elderly people who go to their daughter's home for the elderly have said that living in their daughter's home has lost their right to speak, there is no sense of existence of the master, more is to visit relatives, and there is some tension in their hearts when they get along.
The son-in-law is the bearer of the family's economic income, and the parents lack the confidence and security of the daughter's home
Although in modern society, women can also hold up half the sky. However, the general situation in society is that the family economic income is dominated by men, and the model of "male outside and female inside" is still the mainstream. Therefore, many parents go to their daughter's home for the elderly, and it is inevitable that there will be a feeling of "inferiority".
Colleague Xiaoling, last month she took her parents to her home for retirement. Originally, she wanted to honor her parents, but her parents always rejected her kindness.
At first, Xiaoling thought that her parents were accustomed to saving, but then she inadvertently learned that it was because her parents knew that her income was not high, and the main income of the family depended on Xiaoling's husband, afraid that she would spend more money in her mother's family and would provoke a contradiction between husband and wife. Therefore, the old couple would rather aggrieved themselves than accept their daughter's filial piety.
In the final analysis, parents in their daughter's home for the elderly, many times lack confidence and security. Live carefully, without spiritual belonging.
l Daughter far married, go to the daughter's home for the elderly, the old man does not have a sense of solidity that leaves fall back to the roots
After the death of Grandma Liu's wife, she was taken to a different place by her daughter to retire alone, although her daughter and son-in-law were very good to her, but Grandma Liu was not familiar with life and lived a very lonely life.
The son-in-law kindly invited his parents to visit the door often, but Grandma Liu and the husband and wife also lacked a common topic, in order to maintain the superficial politeness, everyone felt tired.
In addition, the relatives and friends of the daughter's in-laws come to visit the door from time to time, and when they see the mother's mother living in the daughter's house, everyone's eyes are somewhat uncomfortable. Grandma Liu thinks that maybe she is a "burden" who hates herself?
Going to the daughter's family to marry far away for the elderly is not only to face the small family of the daughter and son-in-law, but also to deal with a large family of the daughter's in-laws, the feeling of being far away from the homeland and sending people under the fence makes Grandma Liu feel insecure.
So after living for a while, Grandma Liu proposed to her daughter to return to her hometown alone, preferring to live a little harder, but at least the sense of solidity that leaves fell back to the roots.
Although the daughters and sons are the same, most of the sons are the pillars of the family economy and have the attribute of undertaking family responsibilities. So the old man lives in his son's house, not as much concern as living in his daughter's home, and it is easy to establish a sense of ownership. Talking and doing things do not need to deliberately lower the posture, everything is careful, so living in the son's home, the elderly are relatively comfortable with life.
Of course, some elderly people only have only one daughter under their knees, and the responsibility of the pension problem can only fall on the daughter, and there is no other choice. In this case, the daughter must pay more attention to the parents who live in their own homes, give them more emotional care, and let the elderly establish a sense of belonging to the soul. Find spiritual sustenance and let them spend a happy old age with peace of mind.
What do you think about the issue of retirement in your daughter's home and your son's home? You are welcome to discuss your views.