01
Zhu Deyong once said:
"Difficult love is the moonlight, poetry, thirty-six thousand roses, plus eternity; but the difficult marriage is the account book, the certificate, the thirty-six-five thousand quarrels, plus patience."
From love to marriage, due to the difference in the growth environment, personal experience and living habits of both parties, it is inevitable that there will be some ideological conflicts between them, resulting in contradictions and quarrels.
But in the end, marriage is actually a process of continuous running-in, and we must learn to face up to and tolerate each other's shortcomings. If you can't move and clamor for divorce because of some trivialities, it will be too much of a joke.
Marriage is solemn and sacred, and everyone should be in awe of it. As long as it does not involve errors of principle, it is better to understand and tolerate more, and give each other and marriage more opportunities.
At the same time, everyone in a marriage should also have a sense of self-awareness. We must not use the tolerance of the other party to intensify again and again, that will only make the marriage irreparable.
Sister Liang (pseudonym) lost her marriage and did not even want to recognize her biological son.
02
Sister Liang and her husband Lao Qin (pseudonym) have been married for nearly thirty years.
In her husband's heart, Sister Liang has only been married in the past thirty years, and her heart is still completely left in her mother's family.
Sister Liang has a younger brother, from childhood to adulthood is a idle person, no serious work, relying on odd jobs to survive. Usually, he likes to play cards and drink, and belongs to the kind of people who are not big and have a good temper." ”
Fortunately, there were still 3 points of appearance, plus the matchmaker's kung fu that could speak the Tao, and he was given a marriage at that time. Of course, a lot of dowry money was also spent, and the big head was given by Sister Liang in secret from her husband.
Old Qin was very dissatisfied with the fact that she secretly helped her brother-in-law marry her daughter-in-law, because the family was not rich at that time, and she did not say hello at all, and it was inevitable that she did not take his husband seriously.
However, Old Qin was still quite grandfatherly. Always thinking that since things have happened, it is necessary to be too calculated. Just tell her very seriously, and discuss with him with money later.
It may be that the amount is indeed larger, and Sister Liang is ashamed in her heart, but later she has converged for a while.
But soon, she put her husband's advice behind her. Every time the mother and brother have a need, they will constantly take money out. Until the birth of her and her husband's own children, they still did not put the focus back on the small family, and continued to pay to her original family.
Old Qin was very dissatisfied with her behavior of "repeatedly teaching and not changing", and the two quarreled because of this. But in the end, it was hindered by the love of husband and wife, and also for the sake of family harmony, it was the husband Lao Qin who made concessions.
Even the buddies felt sorry for him. Saying that such a "loser bride" on the stall will sooner or later be hollowed out.
Old Qin did not think about divorce, but the children were always inseparable from the care of their mothers. For the sake of children, we can only turn a blind eye and regard money as dung.
More than twenty years have passed, and their children have reached the age when they should marry.
Old Qin was very satisfied with his future daughter-in-law, with a beautiful appearance and a knowledgeable book. Relatives and families are also reasonable people, did not embarrass themselves at the bride price, only proposed that there must be a marriage room, even if it is only a down payment, so that young people can repay their own loans.
Old Qin was naturally in favor. After all, if a child has a family and a career, how can he do without a stable nest?
The "negotiation" between the two sides was very smooth, just waiting for the children to choose the wedding room and the arrival of the big day.
In order to prevent his wife from taking the money out again, Old Qin Qian confessed that the money for his son's marriage room could not be moved, and when they looked after the house, they would use it immediately, and they did not dare to make any trouble.
Just in case, Old Qin also deliberately locked the passbook in the cabinet, and the key was carried with him.
The wife saw him defending herself like this, and said a little angrily: "My son is also mine, can I not want him to be good?" This money is the Heavenly King Lao Tzu coming, and I will not move. ”
Old Qin smiled when he saw that she was serious.
Soon, however, the wife was punched in the face. The wife's mother and nephew suddenly said that they wanted to get married, on the grounds that the woman was pregnant before marriage and had to pass through the door as soon as possible. The other party also said that the bride price and marriage room can not be less, otherwise take some children.
The brother-in-law simply could not come up with any money, borrowed everything he could borrow, and used the pension money that his wife usually subsidized to his mother-in-law over the years to barely make up enough dowry money. The down payment of the house is that half a shadow cannot be seen.
The mother-in-law was anxious to hug sun and let Sister Liang think of a way.
Sister Liang was also quite embarrassed. His son's marriage is close at hand, and this money must be untouchable. But the nephew was also anxious about this matter, and the mother said with tears in her eyes that if she did not help her nephew buy a house, the Liang family would have no queen.
Sister Liang struggled for two days, and finally took advantage of her husband's sleep to steal the passbook in the cupboard and buy a house for her nephew first.
She naively thought that this time her husband must have just chanted a few words as before. Anyway, I am used to it, and the thought will pass.
However, this time, not only her husband could not forgive her, but even her son was angry and questioned whose mother she really was.
However, in order not to affect his son's marriage, Old Qin did not immediately file for divorce, but decided to wait for his son to become a family before divorcing.
He took out his pension, borrowed a down payment from relatives and friends, bought a wedding house for his son, and let the wedding go on as usual.
Not long after his son finished the wedding banquet, Old Qin proposed a divorce to Sister Liang.
The son did not speak for Sister Liang this time, and was the first to stand up to support Old Qin's decision.
Unexpectedly, in the old age, the marriage suffered such a major change, and Sister Liang regretted it very much. But this time, her husband did not give her another chance and resolutely divorced.
03
In life, there are many "daughter slaves" like Sister Liang who are married and still have no bottom line to help their mother's family, and their marriages are almost difficult to last.
Through her story, she also tells us the following two truths.
One: Becoming a "brother demon" is the most stupid behavior of a woman.
If it is said that the marriage cannot go white, it is because the contradictions between the husband and wife have accumulated to a certain extent and it is really unsustainable, then the "premature death" of the marriage is also willing and not wronged.
However, some marriages are ruined on the original family and ruined on the woman's "indistinct".
Just like Lao Qin said, after many women get married, they are simply "people in Cao Ying's heart in Han", but people have married over, and their hearts are still in their mother's family.
They often disregard the interests of their own small families, preferring to hollow out their small families, but also to subsidize their mother's family and take care of the mother's brother's food and drink, there is no time limit.
Some even like Sister Liang, give her brother a daughter-in-law and help his children marry, as long as she still has a breath, the dedication to her mother's family will never stop.
And this kind of "brother-in-law" behavior is actually the most stupid manifestation of women.
You think, now that you can count on it, they are pointing at you and babbling at you because you can continue to provide them with benefits.
When you are really abandoned by your husband and the small family because of these acts, can the mother's family take you in? Even if your parents and brothers can tolerate you, can your sister-in-law let you live in your mother's house all the time?
Two: In intimate relationships, some mistakes cannot be forgiven.
Women always have an innate advantage in intimate relationships.
When the mood is not good, a tantrum, a little emotion, occasionally losers, even if the personality is slightly stronger, then there is no problem, most men can tolerate it.
But women must remember that there are love outside marriage, brothers and demons, and so on, these principled mistakes, do not make.
Because everyone's life is not easy, everyone has their own family that needs to be taken care of. As one of the many sentient beings, who has the means to carry the burden of other people's lives all the time?
To put it mildly, it's not a matter of having more money and less money. If you have worked hard to earn money, why give it to others for free?
It is said that saving the emergency does not save the poor.
It is normal for relatives to occasionally borrow money to circulate and respond to emergencies, and it is also a rational help.
But every time there is a loan and no return, a free gift, who can have the ability and be willing to fill the pit all the time?
Therefore, women must remain sober in marriage. Don't let the infinite demands of the original family drag down your marriage.
Don't be afraid to refuse, be brave.
You will find that summoning up the courage to reject the unreasonable demands of others is more enjoyable than blindly fulfilling.
Text/No Pen