In a variety show, Yu Feihong was asked by the host Dou Wentao: Why have you been single for such a long time until now?
She smiled calmly and said unhurriedly: For me, single or married, I don't think this is a particularly difficult choice question, which is more comfortable, which stage I am in.
In the past world's eyes, women who do not marry at a certain age seem to be a kind of alternative, and even be ridiculed as "older leftover women" or ridiculed as "old girls who can't marry out".
With the development of this society, coupled with the increasingly heavy pressure of life in contemporary times, late marriage and late childbearing have become the social norm, and unmarried and infertile women have no longer become outliers in everyone's eyes, especially in the 8090 generation, which maintains a more inclusive mentality for marriage and children.
All of this also indicates that in the future, when everyone faces marriage, they may also be more open and tolerant.
Why today's women do not want to get married more and more, and even more and more people enjoy single life, Watanabe Junichi wrote very thoroughly in his book "Men This Thing", in his view, women more and more want to marry, there are no more than four reasons, very realistic.
01 Too much emphasis on love
Junichi Watanabe believes that men and women's understanding of love is completely different, men will pay more attention to reality, they will never associate love and marriage, so most of the time, men will boldly pursue if they meet a girl they like, because they are more inclined to enjoy love.
Women, on the contrary, Junichi Watanabe feels that women often equate love with marriage, and they feel that "since they are in love, marriage is a natural thing."
So when they encounter love, they may consider more practical issues first, such as whether the boy can be a qualified husband, whether the relationship between the two will have results, whether the relationship is worth my efforts, and confirm the "developmentability" of the relationship, they will invest in it.
When they feel that you are not up to her standards for choosing a mate, they prefer to be single, so Watanabe Junichi also believes that "most men will choose women under the age of thirty when they are in love, because young women are more eager to enjoy the freedom of being single and will not rush to get married." ”
Probably means that young women have less experience and life experience and are better deceived, and they are not responsible for falling in love, they just need to enjoy the beauty of love.
This may also be the reason why modern women will become more and more realistic about love, because of their own emphasis on feelings, so they dare not start a relationship casually.
02 No confidence in love
Modern women generally lack confidence in love, may be the social environment, whether it is boys or girls, love will be more rational and realistic, even if some of the feelings have experienced the baptism of years and frost, sometimes because of too many practical problems and forced to separate.
Tu Lei once said: There are two kinds of people in this world that are the most rare, one is the woman who accompanies you when you are young, and the other is the man who accompanies you to enjoy happiness when you are old.
It is not uncommon in this world to be willing to accompany men to suffer hardships, at least most of the female friends of the 8090 generation around me are not in good condition when they first married their husbands, but there are very few men who accompany women to enjoy happiness after men have achieved fame.
Just like Feng Xi in "North and South", the two met when they were in decline, feng Xi spent ten years of youth to take care of him and accompany him to support him, she thought she was achieving a great love.
But when Li Xiang broke through some achievements to go abroad, he had arrangements for everyone in his life, even relatives such as cousins and cousins, but he did not think of Feng Xi, and even not long after going abroad, he proposed to break up with her, on the grounds that the two were incompatible.
Feng Xi completely collapsed when she heard this reason, and she questioned Li Xiang:
When you first chased me, why didn't you say that your personality was incompatible, when I accompanied you from junior high school to postdoc, why didn't you say that your personality was incompatible, when I was serving you like an old mother, why didn't you say that your personality was incompatible, you got into my bed and didn't want to come out, how did you not say that your personality was incompatible?
This may be the reason why contemporary women are more and more reluctant to grow up with a man, because they are not afraid of suffering, but they are afraid of the person who accompanies you to suffer, and the person who enjoys happiness with you is replaced by someone else.
Regarding love, Junichi Watanabe also wrote in the book "Man This Thing": Women do not have enough self-confidence and feel that they cannot firmly win each other's hearts.
Because they do not have enough confidence in love and men, even if the two are truly in love, they do not have the confidence to believe that men can end up with themselves, so they will be more cautious and cautious about love, and even have the idea of infertility.
03 Fear of being bound by marriage
Although many people say that men and women are equal in modern society, women's requirements for their partners are getting higher and higher, and men will make money, and they will do housework, they will bring children, and they must understand that romance often creates surprises for their wives, and men have so much energy.
But it has to be admitted that on the issue of marriage, men and women can never be truly equal.
Not to mention the balance in the family, just to say that a woman who has given birth to a child, she must be subject to some restrictions in the workplace, just like some executive positions, if you do not have a lot of energy to focus on it, you are basically out of touch with this position; there are some originally resourceful women, after giving birth, they have to take on some mother and mother-in-law roles, and those similar to girls and youth roles are no longer related to them.
Junichi Watanabe also writes in the book:
Women marrying late has become a major social problem, probably because women tend to feel the shackles of marriage more easily than men. This also causes women to be more hesitant and hesitant than men when faced with marriage.
Once a woman is married, it is impossible to play freely as before, and for women, the cost of marriage is too high, once it is not grasped, not only is life frustrated, career is affected, and children are also an eternal bond.
04 Most men prefer family-oriented women, but contemporary women are more focused on running their careers
Junichi Watanabe made a deep analysis of marriage and love from a male perspective, and he felt that most men "value most of all when choosing a wife is to do housework, have a gentle temperament, be frank, truly love themselves, and hope that their wives will stick to the family after marriage."
But in today's society, urban women live more independently and soberly, they are no longer satisfied with being a person who "revolves around the stove, children and husbands", they are more focused on running a business than getting married and having children, which may stem from the fact that women are inherently insecure.
Because this society is too harsh on married women, so that they must maintain the virtuousness of the unique housewife of the old women in marriage, but also have the independent earning power of modern women, marriage not only does not make themselves better, but the quality of life is frequently declining, after weighing the pros and cons, they will feel that it is more reliable to fight for a career than to plunge into marriage, and naturally choose not to marry.
In today's society, more and more women choose not to marry, in fact, the root cause is that modern women are becoming more and more independent, they no longer need to rely on men to live like the old women, and the requirements for partners will naturally become higher and higher, if the other party can not meet their own mate selection standards, they would rather choose to be single.
In fact, whether married or not, the ultimate goal of a woman is to live a life that can "not be wronged, not will be", and live out the best self.