The netizen letter said:
My husband and I fell in love and got married freely, and there were indeed too many contradictions between us during the years we lived together. Among them, the relatively large contradictions include: 1) when I got married, I forced my husband to add my name to the house that my in-laws bought for him in full, my husband did not agree at that time, I directly threatened my husband with breakup, and my husband finally compromised; 2) When I got married, my parents asked my husband's family for a dowry of 300,000 yuan, and my husband's family was only willing to pay 100,000, for this matter, the parents of both sides had some contradictions, and finally I and my parents compromised; 3) When our married life came to the 6th year, my husband had someone outside of marriage, and this matter was discovered by me Instead of apologizing to me, my husband picked up a lot of faults with me.
My husband's dissatisfaction with me was mainly manifested in the following ways: 1) saying that I was too strong in the process of running the marriage; 2) saying that I was not filial to my in-laws; 3) saying that I was always in a state of eating and lazy at home; and 4) saying that he did not have the minimum freedom in marriage. Although what the husband said is also an objective fact, should this be the reason for his betrayal of the marriage? The husband said that he just felt that it was very depressing to be with me, so he needed to vent his emotions, he needed to care, so he would find someone outside of marriage. My husband also said that if I continue to do my own thing at the level of marriage in the future, he will not rule out breaking the marriage contract with me.
To tell the truth, although there were some quarrels with my husband, my husband was generally very good to me. So, I had no idea of divorce at all. In the post-cheating period, although my husband was stronger, I still hoped that our married life could continue.
Now, because of my representations, the husband has been separated from his lover. My husband's cheating itself also touched me so much that I was in a depressed mood now, and of course, I didn't dare to be as bossy in front of my husband as before. Because I was afraid I was too aggressive, my husband would ask me for divorce. So, what's bothering me now is, where should I fine-tune my marriage in the future?
Muzi Li emotional analysis:
When you and your husband get married, there will already be some contradictions between you, mainly at the level of the house and the bride price. However, at that time, your husband was very fond of you, so he accepted your unreasonable demands. You are also more able to understand your unreasonable demands at that time, because you want to master a certain amount of material in your married life to increase your sense of security in the relationship.
For many families, in the second year of marriage, basically face the situation of having children, confinement, and taking care of children, at this time, even if they do not live with their parents after marriage, then, after having children, parents will take on the burden of helping you take care of your children, and the intersection with parents during the period will naturally be more, binghui because of the trivialities of life to accumulate some contradictions. During this period of time, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is mainly reflected in the level of mutual provocation, but one thing is certain, everyone hopes to follow their own ideas at the level of taking care of children. Of course, there will also be some mother-in-law or daughter-in-law, who belong to the kind of people who especially like to provoke, at this time, it is easy to derive the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Judging from your description of marriage, at the level of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law contradictions, it should be that you have more responsibilities. Either because you're strong, or because you're brutal. Although your in-laws will not live in your home all the time, during this period, leaving your husband caught in the middle will eventually lead to a further deterioration of the couple's relationship. Things you need to understand: The indifference of husband and wife's feelings is not caused by a certain thing, but by experiencing too many life contradictions, including your later strength and delicious laziness, so that there are more frequent quarrels between you and your husband, making your husband feel that living with you after a long time is somewhat depressed. In the end, in order to vent his dissatisfaction in marriage, he found a woman with a more docile personality outside of marriage.
When your husband betrays the marriage, your husband actually has another idea, that is, divorce. Your husband didn't mention divorce to you, maybe it's because of the children, maybe it's because he doesn't want his efforts in the relationship to be wasted, or because he hasn't saved up enough for you. In the post-cheating period, your husband, as the wrong party, is actually quite wrong in the cheating itself, but he will feel that since he has pulled down his face, he will simply say his motive for cheating in front of you, so that he did not apologize to you for the cheating behavior, but instead said a lot of his dissatisfaction with living with you, and warned you that if you continue to treat your marriage with the previous attitude, he does not rule out the possibility of divorce from you.
Obviously, your husband's cheating has indeed touched you a lot, and your most obvious perception is that your husband is not indispensable to you. So, with no idea of divorce, you don't dare to be as bossy as before. Of course, you'll be depressed because of your husband's cheating itself. So, in the post-infidelity period, the problems you'd love to address include: 1) how to get out of the hurt your husband's cheating itself on you; and 2) what you should do in your future life to make your married life move in a healthy direction. My recommendations mainly include the following aspects:
1) Leave the matter of your husband's cheating to time to deal with, before this matter is not completely indifferent, there must be a painful process, the only thing you can do during the period is not to mention this matter in front of your husband; 2) I believe that you also love your parents, although your in-laws and your parents are still different, after all, your parents have raised you for more than twenty years, but you should at least show the filial piety in front of your in-laws, even if it is to give your husband face, when the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is good, the relationship between husband and wife is harmonious, It will certainly help; 3) There must be a sense of empathy at the level of running a marriage. When you are willing to hurt your husband, you are naturally willing to curb your delicious laziness and arbitrariness, at that time, your husband will feel your concern, and the husband and wife relationship will naturally develop in a good direction.
Editor's Note:
The thing we need to understand is that a lot of unhappiness in life is the result of a comparison mentality. And because many girls like to give the right seat to the characters of film and television dramas, or they will unconsciously take the advantages of some of the husbands around them to compare the shortcomings of their husbands, so that they will feel particularly unhappy. What I want to say is that in married life, we must see the strengths of our husbands, tolerate their shortcomings, and admit that they are not princesses, and let themselves not commit princess diseases. In such a state of mind, if you still feel that your husband is very bad, you can use divorce to deal with it.
In fact, many men have tried their best in the process of running a marriage, and how to love others is forever unsatisfied. When men gain sarcasm and denial in a relationship, and women are lazy, arbitrary, and selfish, where do you think the confidence and motivation for men to continue to love you comes from? So, when a woman complains about marriage, should she first ask herself what she has paid for in this relationship.
(Picture from the network, graphics and text have nothing to do)