CCTV host, China Federation of Literature and Literature lifetime achievement of television artists
Writer and counselor
Veteran media personality, literature lover, amateur writer Qingming special edition
"A person who has lived to the fullest, whether he dies or not, can't help her (him)."
Editor's Note
It's another year of Qingming.
To set the festival of remembrance of life in a season of revival of all things must have the unspeakable wisdom of the ancestors.
This spring of this year, mankind not only continues to fight with the epidemic, but also witnesses the smoke of war and the loss of life.
So, how to face life and death? How to cherish life? In the unprecedented great changes and unpredictability, how to weave their own "web of meaning"? This will be a topic that everyone cannot avoid.
This clarity, let's talk frankly together, or fall into deep thought.
The customs of the Qingming Festival are different in different places and in different homes, and the ceremonial atmosphere is also different, or sad, or peaceful, or solemn, or lively... What is the way you personally agree with the commemoration?
Chen Duo: I have participated in or seen various forms of Qingming activities, all of which are cultural phenomena and deserve to be respected. Relatively speaking, I am more receptive to the benevolent and solemn ceremonial atmosphere, very peaceful, but also unforgettable, reminiscent of the deceased, commemorating the deceased...
Wang Ruobing: I like one of Mr. Liao Zhixiang's poems, "Thinking with Love and Happiness": "Everything that exists exists, what has happened, what has passed away, what has not happened, and why has not happened." It is not easy to "think of the deceased with love and joy", but to face death with a more complete holistic mind.
I usually put a photo of a deceased relative at home, look at the photo at any time when I miss it, talk, share my joys and sorrows, sometimes laugh and sometimes have tears, this kind of communication will make me feel that no matter myself or my deceased relatives have never been alone, love has always been there, love has always been there. If you are a relative with a cemetery, you will also go to the cemetery to sweep the grave on the day of your death, and your love for your deceased relatives and friends is deeply contained in your heart.
Tell us about the experience of sending off your life the most?
Chen Duo: At my age, there are more and more friends to send away. Relatively speaking, I was more impressed by a colleague of the troupe who bid farewell to me in the early years, and Li Baokun, who was also my teacher in audio. At that time, all I thought about was all kinds of interactions with him, and all kinds of good things about him. As a human being, of course, there are advantages and disadvantages, but all I thought about at that time was his advantages and strengths. Very quiet, just think of him, oops, he left us and left...
Nan Zen: Bidding farewell to my father, I went through the whole process. From holding his hand during the cardiac resuscitation operation, to the hand snapping loose and spreading out on the palm of my hand, my father finally got rid of years of suffering, and I remembered that I was still not prepared for anything, and quickly ran to the small shop outside the hospital to buy birthday clothes. Men's styles are few, there is little room for selection, and the colors are ugly. Picked a set of dark brown, shiny, it seems to have spent more than 300, the specific amount can not be remembered. Working with his family to help him change it, his body was already a little stiff, but it was fine. Because it is summer, go to the funeral home special rush, as soon as you put on the birthday clothes, immediately pull to the funeral home, the family kneels on the side of the road and whining and crying, only I shouted "Daddy is good"...
At the memorial service, I noticed the set of birthday clothes I had hurriedly selected, and I was eager to have a seam to let me drill into. How funny it is to wear it on his father, and he also wears a landlord-style melon skin hat, which does not match the shape of his square face, which is simply amazing!
So I've always had a point of view that people should take pictures of their own lives earlier and buy birthday clothes earlier.
If you have a life around you that you can't let go of for a long time, how do you heal yourself?
Chen Duo: That's a good question. How to let go? When you think about how to let go, it means that you are not letting go! At the beginning, I wanted to read more books, newspapers, and things, and use this way to divert thoughts from the deceased, which is often said to divert attention. However, I found that this deliberate way did not weaken my thoughts about the deceased, but once I was idle, there would be a more intense influx of sadness.
Later, I found that the best way is to go outside, look at the mountains and rivers, and see this colorful and magical world. You will feel that the deceased did not go far, he actually integrated into the natural environment, he has gone far, he has not gone far, but life has changed a state of existence! Thinking like this, my heart can slowly accept and let go.
Nan Zen: It is easier for women to digest these, just talk about it when you think about it, and the momentum will pass. I have a friend, a woman with advanced cancer, who has a liver turn, and asked a famous doctor, but according to her, "a piece of gauze fell on her stomach during the operation", which was quite unlucky, she was the most energetic person I had ever met. Just after chemotherapy, I can drive around in a car, start learning foreign languages from ABC, take one-on-one foreign teacher classes, and dream of one day driving along the national border.
She rarely contacted me, but I sent her messages every New Year's Holiday, and it was a whole day to meet. Last year's New Year's Day sent a message back, the New Year did not return, may not be there, I think, the heart will always leave a place for her, she is like a beacon to illuminate my people. A person who has lived to the fullest, whether he dies or not, can't help her (him).
If you were to confront your child, how would you answer the question "What is death?"?
Chen Duo: It is difficult to tell children what death is. For this is because there are both ethical and scientific, civilized, superstitious answers. Basically, if a child asks me, all I can say is that he is no longer with us and has left us. When will you be back? I don't know.
But when the children are very young, I will let them participate in some farewell to life, let them feel what the people around them are doing, because I always feel that there are some things that have no answers, that they are a kind of human perception, so the sooner they feel, the better.
Wang Ruobing: I will tell "the story of a seed." An angel buried a seed in a field of earth. The seed lay quietly in the arms of Mother Earth, growing little by little, it broke through the wrapping of the soil, revealing a small bud, seeing the sun, exchanging energy with the wind and rain, and gradually growing into a small tree, flowering and bearing fruit. The birds all flew to taste, the fruit was happy, it became the nutrition in the bird's body, and it fulfilled its mission in this life. While the bird eats the remaining fruit seed, it is not taken away by the bird, it naturally falls to the ground, and a new and higher-level cycle begins.
The seed once again entered the journey of energy exchange, re-experienced the belly of Mother Earth, felt the mysterious and endless world, and entered the process of the cyclical growth of life itself. Later, the seed became a tree, a tree became a forest...
Nan Zen: I never discussed this topic with my child. Death is not okay to say that it is heavy, it will scare them; it is not appropriate to say that it is light, it is easy to make people think of light life, thinking that since it is so difficult to live, it is necessary not to die, right? What you don't understand is better not to say than to say it.
If there are children who have to ask, recommend them to watch "Dream of the Red Chamber". Life depends on oneself to understand and recognize, and others cannot cross the line.
Wu about life and death, please recommend a book or film and television work that most inspires you, why?
Chen Duo: Death and survival are different for people of different nationalities, different ages, different genders, different personalities, and different cultivations; if I must say one, then I recommend "How Steel is Made" by nikolai Ostrovsky, a writer of the former Soviet Union who is familiar to everyone. The content of the book itself is extremely educational, telling us to defeat the enemy in hardships and hardships, but also to defeat ourselves, so that we can create miracles and grow into steel warriors.
The author, Ostrovsky, wrote the book at the age of 29 and died three years later. The brevity of his life is in stark contrast to the long-standing impact of his work. So it made me realize that the value of life is not in its length, but in its depth and breadth, to see how it has influenced generations of people, and it is short-lived but gives endless energy to those who come after it.
Wang Ruobing: When my son was four or five years old, he always asked questions about death, so I bought a children's picture book "A Leaf Falls" and read it to him. This book goes through the process of four seasons from a leaf, telling the story of life and thinking about the problems of life and death. The book was good and helped me answer the child's questions.
What I love about life and death is "Dream Quest", which tells the story of the Mexican Day of the Dead. What inspires me is that even if a loved one dies, in fact, the ancestors of each family have silently blessed each member of the family in different time and space, and the river of ancestral spirits has been flowing in the blood of everyone's life. A person who can really go to the future and go to happiness must be grateful to his ancestors and get connected from there in order to be blessed.
Nan Zen: Roma, directed by Alfonso Cuarón. Once I had a major surgery and was lying in a hospital bed looking at it with my phone. The unique timeless, pearl-like shimmer of black and white photography is like a warm scene in memory, and every shot is refreshing. When the young maid, who could not swim, rushed into the sea to save the drowning child, my tears were like the water that broke the embankment, flooding so much that I could hardly see the picture. Special healing, very comfortable.
Of course, it may have catered to me at that time, a petty bourgeoisie, in distress, desperately hungry for selfless, noble caregivers.
Sooner or later, everyone will face disease, aging, disability, and the end, in your opinion, what is the way and way to face the "fear of death"?
Chen Duo: "Whoever lives since ancient times has not died, keep Dan's heart to take care of Khan Qing", this is Wen Tianxiang's golden sentence, then it can be said that we are not afraid of death. In fact, life and death are just a formal transformation between the universes.
There will definitely be people who don't agree, it doesn't matter, we are born together and laugh, then I don't think death is terrible. How to die? Hardly. Instead of dying in despair, it is better to die happily and with dignity.
In the face of death, be optimistic! Optimism can save yourself, and you can save those who care about you the most, so that they can reduce some pain when death really comes. How can I avoid too much pain and fear? I think a lot of literary and artistic works have told us that we must face every day happily and happily, and embrace every day with good health and quality.
My experience is that I can sit and not lie down, I can stand and not sit, I can walk and not stand. Why always lie down now, anyway, it will be a long sleep in the future! Let's exercise now, cultivate our temperament, and do more.
Wang Ruobing: I myself have experienced death, "fear of death" has always been pervasive in my life can not breathe, in order to be able to really face the psychological fear caused by death, I summarized the 5 steps to face the fear of death: see it, face it, express it, manage it, positively replace it. When fear comes, these methods are indeed effective, but they are still a bit of a symptom rather than a cure. There is a saying in the I Ching that "Zhen Gua" and there is a saying called "a gentleman cultivates himself with fear." I can't do it yet, but that's what I crave right now.
Nan Zen: The fear of death is actually an extreme life experience, which has its own epistemological value, but it cannot always indulge in the imagination of death and live in the fear of it. It is especially unwise and undignified to complain to others and increase the troubles of others.
There is a way to divert anxiety, which works for me, but not necessarily for others. That is to read more history, read more classics of the past, come into contact with things left by deceased relatives and friends, and establish an energy field in consciousness, which I call "the distribution center of everything in the past."
When you finish this life, go over there and meet with them, what are you talking about? Inside the high-ranking friends are full of seats, you are prepared to come and do some hard work, with what Lu Xun, Tolstoy, sit and argue, how beautiful! Talk to friends and family, there's more to talk about. I'm looking forward to it. Lay a stake on the other side of consciousness first, and then don't be afraid to drop anchor on the spot.
If you were the screenwriter of your own life's story, how would you design the end of this story?
Chen Duo: I have experienced a lot in my life, interesting, distressed, happy, healthy, and so on, very rich. But how is the ending of this story designed? Heck, if you have time to say it, it's a simple and elegant sentence: "I'm gone, goodbye." ”
Wang Ruobing: On a green lawn, there are many, many flowers, and all the relatives, friends, and children are dancing, singing, laughing, and celebrating. I sat there looking at everything in front of me, the world is simply too beautiful, it is too happy to think about.
Nan Chan: My final question was answered. The soul can immediately fly to the distribution center and participate in the carnival of "everything in the past", while the body is handled according to the convention, thrown into the furnace, reduced to ashes, and everything in the world has nothing to do with me from now on.
Which of the three things do you think you are most proud of and "worthy of this life"? For the rest of your life, what are your personal dreams that reflect the value of your life?
Wang Ruobing: The three most proud are: First, although I have been a teacher for 3 years, I have become friends with my students for a lifetime, a lifetime of wealth and pride. Second, my life is richer from career, emotion, and life experience in different countries, I have always worked hard, and every experience is also cherished, especially when I rubbed shoulders with the god of death, I did not fall, but found the meaning of life again. Third, we have found a way for the soul to return home with peace of mind. My parents, relatives and friends have been very kind to me, and I have the privilege of knowing what true love and beauty are, and longing to truly love each of them in this life.
For the rest of my life, the dream I want to achieve the most is: First, live myself. Second, I hope that all the causes I know can understand love, understand beauty, and be truly happy.
Nan Chan: The most proud, willing to spend a lot of money, go out to play can brush the bank card, spend only a few dozen dollars left on the account, did not treat themselves; interested in things willing to spend time and energy, do their best, regardless of disregard, it seems that there are only these two. I used to think about trying to do something, "things are man-made", fame, family, wealth, in short, to be recognized by others, recognized by themselves. For the rest of your life, you will no longer put such a heavy yoke on yourself, don't think about the word "realization" in everything, all your persistence and efforts do not necessarily have to be realized, it is simply like. You can even get rid of the problem of loving hard work, work less hard, make less effort, and do something inactive, such as looking at flowers, sweeping the floor, and so on.
The most important thing I want to do for the rest of my life is to read more books, read it quickly if it is too late to read, review it again if I like it, and the writers all over the world are locked in my bookcase, "bitter Qin Jiuyi". This ideal part is easy to achieve, look at one book is one, but overall it is too difficult to achieve.
(End of season)