Gorky once said: "Marriage is the spiritual union of two people, and the purpose is to overcome all the difficulties and hardships of the world together." ”
Whether it is a man or a woman, no matter what age you are in, no matter how many times you get married, the purpose of marriage is the same, that is, to find a person who is willing to share our hardships and struggle for common ideals and goals, gather the strength of two people, exert the effect of 1+1>2, and spend the rest of your life together.
Marriage also needs to pay attention to the balance of supply and demand, if the supply exceeds demand, that is, one person pays very little, but gets very little return, the other person gets a lot of benefits, but pays very little, marriage is unhealthy. People who don't get what they deserve will feel unfair, feel that marriage is not a happiness but a burden for them, and will feel tired and disappointed. And people who get more benefits also have greater desires, want more, and don't feel satisfied.
One feels that you give too much and get too little, the other feels that you don't give enough, it is impossible for me to pay, the ideas of two people are conflicting, and natural marriage is indispensable to dispute.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong wrote in "Chinese-style love and love" that the unlovable things in marriage are because the original intention is not out of "I love you", but from "you give me" - not that there is something wrong in marriage, but that there is too much to ask for marriage.
In this situation, if you do not stop the other party from taking benefits from you and occupying your interests in time, and let him continue like this, it will only increase his appetite, and when he can no longer get the benefits he wants from you, he will abandon you, abandon you, and find the next goal that can meet his needs. At that time, you still can't keep your marriage.
If you stop it in time and tell the other party that you are a person with a bottom line, you can make the other party realize his mistakes and respect you, even if he wants to turn his face and be ruthless, at this time, the stop loss is always much stronger than the end of the person's money and wealth.
"Men can't get used to it, the more habitual the more selfish, the more outrageous." While chatting with Aunt Jiang, she shared with us her experience of running an elderly marriage.
01. When I was 55 years old, I met twilight love;
Aunt Jiang remarried in October last year, when she was 55 years old, not only pulled the certificate, but also held a banquet and invited people to dinner.
"It's because I pulled the evidence, it's not good to shoot two scattered, divorce it, both feel humiliated, tossed, and troublesome."
Seven years ago, Aunt Jiang's husband died of illness, leaving behind 49-year-old Aunt Jiang and a son and a daughter. Four years ago, Aunt Jiang's eldest daughter got married and married to a foreign country, and two years ago, her younger son also got married.
Because the living habits between the daughter-in-law and Aunt Jiang are very different, and the three views are not compatible, the two people living together always quarrel, and they quarrel four or five times during the period of serving the confinement, which seriously affects the marriage of the younger son. In desperation, the younger son invited his mother to take the baby and persuaded Aunt Jiang to live by herself.
In order not to destroy her younger son's home, Aunt Jiang had to live a solitary life, felt very bored, often traveled, in July last year, Aunt Jiang met her current wife Mr. Geng.
"At that time, I was on my feet, I felt very uncomfortable, he helped me, helped me down the mountain, we talked all the way, found that our two families lived not far away, took the subway three stops to arrive, felt lucky. After I came back, I bought a gift to thank you, left contact information for each other, and slowly became familiar with each other. ”
Mr. Geng is three years older than Aunt Jiang, still working, and like Aunt Jiang, he has been widowed for many years, and his only daughter under his knees is married, and Mr. Geng lives alone.
The two men had known each other for nearly three months, and Mr. Geng proposed to Aunt Jiang, and Aunt Jiang agreed. Although Aunt Jiang's children were quite unhappy and felt that the old mother was begging for food, Aunt Jiang's attitude was very resolute, and the children felt helpless and had to agree.
02. After getting married, I found out that he was spoiled by his ex-wife and was a small child;
The reason why Aunt Jiang's children are not willing to let their mother remarry is because they feel that the purpose of an old man like Mr. Geng's age to find a wife is not simple, either for money or for a free nanny to serve them.
Although the idea of the children is too absolute, it is indeed correct, and Mr. Geng is the latter.
After arguing with Mr. Geng, Aunt Jiang moved into Mr. Geng's house and rented out her house, and the money was used to supplement the family. The two lived together and spent time together, and Aunt Jiang soon discovered Mr. Geng's problem.
"He never did housework, he didn't take care of himself, he made a mess of the house, and he was righteous, saying that his ex-wife never let him cook or clean up the house."
When Aunt Jiang and Mr. Geng finished eating, Aunt Jiang asked Mr. Geng to wash the dishes, and Mr. Geng would complain: "I never wash the dishes, and Jingjing's mother said that I was hairy and would smash the dishes." ”
When Aunt Jiang complained that Mr. Geng had made a mess of the house and was full of peculiar smells and did not clean it, Mr. Geng muttered to Aunt Jiang: "When Jingjing's mother was there, I didn't sweep the ground!" I can't sweep it clean, you can just get it. ”
When changing seasons, Mr. Geng did not know how to add clothes, he froze himself cold, Mr. Geng's daughter knew, called to teach Aunt Jiang: "When my mother was there, every day before going to bed, I would prepare the clothes that my father would wear the next day and put them on the bedside. ”
"He was spoiled by his ex-wife, a small child who couldn't take care of himself, so it was no wonder he needed to find a wife."
03. I'm looking for a wife, not an ancestor, if you don't work, go hungry!
Aunt Jiang felt very angry, after all, she was looking for a wife, someone to take care of each other, not an ancestor, and she was not here to be a free nanny for Mr. Geng.
"If I don't have a certificate, I will leave, but if I get a certificate, I have an obligation, which is a troublesome thing!"
Aunt Jiang is not a persimmon that everyone can grasp, and decided to adjust this man well and let him take responsibility.
"You either share half of the housework or you're hungry, and your ex-wife is so stupid that she lives herself as a free nanny and gets used to you, but I'm not your mother, so why get used to you?"
Aunt Jiang listed all the housework in the family and asked Mr. Geng to do a part: "I can't go to school, and no one is born to do housework." Don't argue with me that you are a man, when my ex-husband was alive, he would also do housework and cook. ”
Mr. Geng refused to do housework, Aunt Jiang was too lazy to quarrel with him, saving herself a lot of anger, but directly only made a meal for 1 person, or only ordered takeaway for herself, so that Mr. Geng could solve the problem of eating by himself: "Just eat without working, where is this kind of good thing?" ”
When Aunt Jiang was cooking, she deliberately burned the food very spicy, so that Mr. Geng, who had a light taste, could not swallow, and no matter how he protested, Aunt Jiang was indifferent.
Mr. Geng's daughter was dissatisfied, looked for Aunt Jiang's theory, and was intimidated by Aunt Jiang: "Simply, you take your father away, or shut up." ”
Mr. Geng wanted a divorce, and Aunt Jiang immediately agreed, but Mr. Geng repented again, only because he could not find a woman like his ex-wife who was willing to let him open his mouth to stretch out his hand.
At the strong request of Aunt Jiang, Mr. Geng had to admit it, share half of the housework, and people became more honest.
04. Whether it is a man or a woman, the inaction in marriage and the ability to take advantage of everything are the habits of the spouse.
The writer Tang Zhifeng once said: "Behind the arrogance of one person in marriage, it must be the constant humility of another person without dignity." ”
Whether it is a man or a woman, the inaction in marriage and the ability to take advantage of everything are the habits of the spouse. You can ask yourself, is it comfortable to lie down at home and brush drama, or is it comfortable to work in the company? If you are given a chance so that you can lie at home and brush the drama and still have no worries about food and clothing, and you don't have money to spend, are you still willing to go out to work and make money?
It is human nature to make yourself as comfortable as possible. As for whether achieving this goal will harm the interests of others, this is no longer within the consideration of those who are selfish.
Therefore, you don't let him have the feeling that he can just eat and not work, when he has this sign, you must cut it off in time, otherwise, his first attempt is successful, he will want the second time, and the more times it becomes countless times, your interests will be eroded.
END.
Today's topic: Do you recommend that single women over half a hundred years old look for a wife? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.