Text/Su Xin
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There is a saying in "Steady Surfer": "In fact, the trick of two people being together for a long time is not to turn over old accounts." What about turning it over? It's just one that's more upset and one who's more irritated. ”
Many men hate women's behavior of turning over old accounts the most, and their feelings are slowly consumed by this low-level behavior. However, women still repeatedly emphasize that it is obviously the man's fault, why can't they take it out and talk about it?
In fact, there are many forbidden areas in marriage and family, and if you touch it again and again, it will mercilessly consume your feelings and family. As a woman, if you want to run a good family, you must pay attention to the following points:
01 Dissatisfaction with the mother-in-law
It is said that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are natural enemies, as long as they live together, a family is indispensable to have mother-in-law disputes. In fact, behind the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the difference between the two generations of life concepts and the conflict between the two ways of life.
And this is also a headache for many men, the contradiction between two people involves at least three people, and the man sandwiched in the middle is very difficult.
In the sketch "Mother-in-law" performed by Jia Ling and Zhang Xiaofei, we can see how the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is formed. The mother-in-law retained the thoughts of the older generation and planted garlic in the living room, all she thought of was to add a little soul to her pork belly, but she did not notice that garlic also emitted a strong and unpleasant smell.
The daughter-in-law loves to dress up young, and the makeup box is filled with all kinds of brand-name lipstick, but this is also an extreme waste in the mother-in-law's heart.
Both people are not accustomed to each other's behavior, and finally because of a small matter, the contradiction is intensified, and finally the daughter-in-law pulls the garlic of the mother-in-law, and the mother-in-law also destroys the lipstick of the daughter-in-law.
Although it is a sketch, it is completely a portrayal of reality, and the real relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is more tragic than on the stage.
There is a saying in the war that "if you are outside, you must first be inside", and only when there is internal stability and unity can we unanimously resist the enemy externally. What is the dilemma that a family faces, poverty, disease, disaster, etc., if you want to fight these difficulties, you must first have a harmonious family, so if you can't do stability within the family, there will be no prosperous family.
Regarding the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, in fact, the best solution is to be relieved, if the other party can't do it, then we must force ourselves to enlarge the pattern first, after all, the other party is no longer an elder to her, and the home is a place to talk about love, if you have to judge, even if you win the reason, you also lose warmth, which is a greater loss for the family.
A woman's dissatisfaction with her mother-in-law is a kind of family friction, which brings her not only a disharmonious family relationship, but also plunges herself into an endless emotional whirlpool.
Therefore, a smart woman will properly handle the relationship with her mother-in-law, and use a moment of forbearance and tolerance in exchange for the harmony and peace of the family.
02 The transformation of the husband
Smart women know how to look inward and introspect, and stupid women will be aggressive to transform others. As everyone knows, this will not only have little effect, but also scarred themselves, and worst of all, it will definitely affect the feelings of two people.
The writer Lin Yutang once said: "Wise abandonment is better than blind attachment." "The requirements for men should adhere to such a principle, it is good to be able to reform his shortcomings, but when he cannot be transformed, he must let go of obsession, otherwise the pain can only be himself."
Friends complained more than once after marriage that their husband's is not, he hates that his husband puts his shoes in a mess every time he comes home, he thinks he can't wear clothes that often don't fit, and he spits when he eats.
As a result, these problems have become the details that she must pay attention to at all times, and when she finds the problem, she asks her husband to correct it. But what a man wants most at home is nothing more than comfort and the feeling of doing whatever he wants, being supervised and transformed by his own woman all day, which man will be willing to do it?
Later, their marriage quarreled over these trivial matters, and then the man slowly began to go home very late, until the friend found that her husband had found a new emotional sustenance outside, which regretted it.
I remember a counselor once said, "The secret to a happy marriage is respect, not correction." ”
True love is premised on mutual respect, respect for each person's lifestyle, respect for all his choices, so that two people can live in harmony.
And to transform the other party is to blindly force the other party to do things according to their own ideas, this kind of compulsion even with love, is also self-righteous love, the other party does not want to accept at all.
Transforming others is actually a very stupid act, and it is also a great consumption of marriage.
03 Comparison with others
Someone once said that if there is no comparison, maybe everyone will feel very happy, but with comparison, there is pain.
I have seen such a story, the woman was born poor, in order to get rid of the fate she studied hard to get into a good university, and after graduation, she married a young man in the city as she wished.
The young man was kind to her, although his family was only working class, but his parents still took all their savings to buy them a marriage house.
However, in the comparison with colleagues, she learned that the house she lived in was the smallest of her colleagues and the worst geographical location, and she suddenly felt that she was inferior to others and would be looked down upon by others, so she wanted her husband to change to a larger house.
When they finally changed from small houses to large houses, she began to envy colleagues who drove good cars, and her husband could not satisfy her desires, so she began to worry again.
In fact, think about it, at first she just hoped that she could come out of the countryside, as for what kind of house to live in, what kind of car to drive, she did not have the luxury, why her desire will continue to expand, is because she constantly compares with the people around her.
Happiness is a comparison, and pain must also come from comparison.
And while we blindly compare, we forget a truth, there are people outside the sky, you think that if you get the best, you will be happy, but there will always be someone who has better things, if only better than others will be happy, then happiness for such people, will never be achieved.
As the saying goes, true happiness is not about what you have, but about what you have now. It is true that you do not have a high income, no luxury house and a luxury car, but you have health, you have a job that can provide you with a stable income, you have the care of your family, and you are content, which is happiness.
Home is a harbor, is to provide us with shelter to live, so we need to operate carefully, only when the family is stable, everything we have can be guaranteed, so we must learn to be self-aware, do not consume your family, otherwise, when you lose it, you will really regret it.
END.