Alfred Adler once said: "The lucky are healed by childhood all their lives, and the unfortunate are cured of childhood all their lives." "It can be seen how serious the influence of the original family on a person is. If the atmosphere of the original family is better, and they are loved and embraced to grow up, such a person, visible to the naked eye, has a milder personality. Conversely, personalities are generally sharp or extreme.
Especially the son-preference of the original family, the "vampire" general relatives, for girls, if they do not realize to change and escape, it will be a lifelong shackle. Fan Shengmei in "Ode to Joy", beautiful and generous, intelligent and capable, but her life is still a mess, because she has been carrying the pressure of the original family and has been squeezed by the original family.
She famously said, "A person's family is her destiny." She did not choose to change and flee, which made us feel "mourning its misfortune and angering it". Her words actually have some truth, but they are only suitable for people who are not willing to change or do not try to change. If she is willing to change and flee, a person's original family will not be her destiny.
Just like in love, it is not too late to stop the loss at any time. And the bad original family, make a certain degree of cutting, at any time is not too late. Cutting off bad, the process will be painful, will be resisted, but the end result is good.
If we are all around us in such a situation, we most likely will not feel that this situation is wrong. Just like Wang Ru, she was born in the countryside, and almost all the villages were very patriarchal at that time. A few people also treat their daughters equally, and they are all well-off families. Therefore, Wang Ru did not have a great rejection of the different treatment of her parents to herself and her brother.
In other words, she could feel her parents' preference for her brother, but she felt that everyone around her was like this, so there was no problem. She eventually felt that her parents were too eccentric and completely used her as a tool, and the completely cold decision to cut off the original family was when she was preparing to get married.
Wang Ru and her boyfriend Zhao Qiang are free love, the other party is also an ordinary family, at the beginning Wang Ru's parents did not agree at all. Wang Ru looks good, and there are not a few people who come to the door to say that the media, no matter which one, the conditions are better than Zhao Qiang. Her parents have not been settled, purely riding a donkey to find a horse, the two dreamed that Wang Ru actually fell in love freely. And the daughter, who has always been obedient, began to be strong for the first time in marriage matters.
To put it bluntly, the parents agreed to the marriage, but the request was stunned. Parents proposed a dowry of 200,000 yuan, but the dowry was only a simple small object, and the most important thing was that it directly indicated that the dowry should be left in the mother's house and bought a house for the younger brother to get married. When this request was said, not only was Zhao Qiang's family unhappy, but Wang Ru himself also felt a little excessive.
Wang Ru and his parents said that in order to get married, Zhao Qiang bought a house and a car, and also prepared for the wedding, and had already emptied his savings. What's more, there is no such high dowry in the local area, and not a dime is brought back to the in-laws' house, how can this work? But the mother said: "How come other people's girls get married, and the bride price is left in the mother's house for the younger brother and daughter-in-law? Don't forget, I provided you with food and clothing, and let you read for 9 years, even if you repay your parents' nurturing grace, this requires you to do it. ”
Wang Ru began to be aggrieved, all the income she had earned since she worked, in addition to her own daily expenses, the rest was taken by her mother. It ended up being my brother's car and a newly built three-story house. Isn't that a reward? But the mother did not approve of this, and repeatedly said that not leaving the bride price was not filial piety, and it was necessary to have this number.
In the following days, Wang Ru's life was messed up by her mother, and even her work was affected. She looked at the mother who only cared about her son, whether this was too much for her daughter, and she did not consider at all, if the daughter agreed, how would she live in the in-laws' house in the future? Just follow behind your own ass and force yourself to either ask for money or break up. Wang Ru's heart was cold.
Maybe a person is particularly awake after a cold heart. Wang Ru seemed to have suddenly turned a corner, she began to think back from the memory of her understanding, and finally felt that her parents were son-preference, using themselves as a tool. This thing is not to say that others are like this, it is right. Wang Ru felt unfair, she obviously paid so much, why did she finally have to take her own marriage?
In the end, she was in pain, and after discussing with Zhao Qiang, the two said that they had broken up. In fact, Wang Ru's parents did not care about the fact that their daughter broke up, they were not satisfied with Wang Ru finding an ordinary in-law family. But Wang Ru later stated that since he could not marry the person he liked, he would not marry in this life. And because I will not get married in the future, my salary will start now, and I will have to save myself for my own pension.
In short, Wang Ru means that in addition to living expenses, she will no longer give money to the family, nor will she continue to raise her brother. This is good, her parents are in a hurry, after the big noise has no effect, Wang Ru's mother began to play the emotional card, telling a bunch of parenting is not easy, and finally said: "If you don't want to get married, you can also, you for the family, get married first, get the bride price, and then divorce it?" ”
If Wang Ru originally had a little concern for her parents, as soon as her mother's words came out, she directly laughed. She quickly moved out of the house, changed jobs, and gave up with security guards in the building where the new company was located, not letting her parents in. He even told his parents that if they came back to make trouble, then she would go directly to her brother's company, and then her brother would find a girlfriend and destroy one herself.
After the real opening up, the mother's parents are actually afraid, in fact, many patriarchal parents, their advantage is nothing more than the daughter's intolerance and lack of awakening. As long as they are daughters, they can really open up, they are also afraid. At the end of the story, it is natural that Wang Ru and Zhao Qiang got married, and the two traveled to get married, and did not give their parents the opportunity to participate. In addition to living expenses and some necessary expenses, she has really achieved less and less involvement with her mother's family.
After doing this, Wang Ru found that her life was much better than before, or she found that girls could live like this. Although her parents have always told the villagers that she is not filial piety, so what? It had no effect on her, after all, she did not live on the people of the village.
The author of The Reconstruction of the Heart once said, "If you decide that your original family is your destiny, then you lose." Because only you can find the exit of all problems, and only you are the one who can rewrite your destiny. "Deeply believed, if you want to get rid of the shackles of your original family, you can only rely on yourself.
Whether you want to be Fan Shengmei in "Ode to Joy" or Guan Yuqing in "Centimeters of Love" depends on yourself. I hope that the girl born in a patriarchal family can be like Wang Ru and Guan Yuqing. Don't give up on yourself, wake up in time. Understand that you really can't choose your birth family, but you can choose how to live your life well. Sometimes, when you open up, the result is not necessarily bad.
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