★★★ A man goes to a woman's house to fool around when her husband is not at home, but the woman's husband returns home early. When the doorbell rang, the man was frightened, but the woman said calmly, "It doesn't matter."

★★★ A man goes to a woman's house to fool around when her husband is not at home, but the woman's husband returns home early. When the doorbell rang, the man was frightened, but the woman said calmly, "Don't be nervous, get dressed and wait a while." Then, she took a bag of garbage from the kitchen and walked to the door, opened the door and said, "Honey, before entering the door, will you take this bag of garbage out and throw it away?" Then by the time her husband entered the door again, the man was already dressed and left safely. On the way home, the man thought, this woman is so smart.

★ I have known a female netizen for more than half a year. During this period, we often played games together and had a very good relationship. This time playing the game to prepare for the group, I asked with some reluctance: Can we meet? Female netizen: Okay, but you answer me a question first. Me: You say. Female netizen: What can you see when you look down? Me: Feet. Female netizen: We are not suitable, disperse.

★ Singing at kTV to meet a man, we talked very speculatively. Before leaving, the man left me his cell phone number and said, "If you haven't married after many years, please call me." "Now that I'm 36 and still haven't found a boyfriend, I found the man's number and dialed it. Only to hear a low male voice on the phone: "Hello! This is a matchmaking agency, what help do you need? ”

★ The wife found an object for the sister-in-law on the Internet. After the sister-in-law dressed up on the weekend, she happily went to Starbucks to meet. The sister-in-law looked at the cigarette butt of an ashtray and asked the boy: How big is your addiction??? The boy said: A day must be 20 packs of Chinese. The sister-in-law asked: If you smoke Chinese every day, will you be able to buy a Magotan in twenty years??? The boy was stunned for a moment, and then he wiped a handful of Rolls-Royce car keys from his pocket and put them on the table. Then the boy took a puff of his cigarette and said lightly: I don't like Magotan very much, I prefer Rolls-Royce !!!

★ Children who go to school in the countryside must know that they have to weed in school after the two-month summer vacation. One day at the beginning of the school, some people brought hoes, some people brought shovels, some people brought sickles... I was so strong that I took 100 sheep from my family to school. At that time, my friends were stunned, this was the most imposing time of my life!

★ After graduating from Shandong University, I have been in touch with my classmates in the V-letter group. That night, the class president organized a class reunion, I took my 5-year-old son to attend, and the class flower that I had a crush on for a long time also came. To my shock, Banhua's daughter was in the sixth grade. During the banquet, Ben Hua and I each left our mobile phone numbers. On the way home, I found that Ban hua's number had been saved one less. So I blamed myself and said: Alas, I always lose everything I do, and I can save one less number. After the son heard it, he comforted: Dad, it doesn't matter, I want her daughter's qq number, I have time to help you ask!!!

★ And my girlfriend the better to see her father, originally I only bought a durian, she saw it and went straight to the supermarket to swipe her card to buy a box of Maotai plus 10 Chinese! Stay there at noon to eat, a few glasses of wine, the girlfriend's father began to talk more, speaking of his girlfriend, a shoulder said: "Big brother, I can't raise this girl, you quickly take it away..."

★ Taking a shower in the bathhouse, I ran into my girlfriend and her father in the bathroom! Just out of the bath, her father took out a box of cigarettes and gave them to me. I was embarrassed to say, "Uncle I can't smoke!" Her father said, "Don't pretend to me, I'm not sure who I'm going to give my daughter to." "I listened, thought about it, and took out the box of Chinese from the cabinet!" He said, "Uncle 15 cigarettes I can't get used to, come and smoke mine." ”

★ There is a naughty bag at home, the academic performance is not very good, and there are many troubles. Last night, the neighbor's chicken was trampled to death, and the wife directly beat him violently. My son cried and said, "When I grow up, I'll... Before he finished speaking, wife: Boy, you are the opposite, how about you grow up. The son looked at his wife: When I grow up, I will have a son and beat him hard.

★ After learning of the chairman's divorce, my father's sister-in-law, who was a flight attendant, introduced him to the chairman. The chairman was particularly pleased and promoted me to the head of the department, with an annual salary of more than 1 million. My usual work is busy, and my wife goes to the kindergarten to pick up my daughter. Yesterday after an early shift, I went to pick up my daughter from school on a whim. At the school gate, I saw a little boy running up to my daughter and saying, "I bought you a lollipop, you little beauty." Then he wrapped up my girlfriend, who looked shy: "Don't say that, you little prince." "Well, why do I want to beat up this little prince?" #Funny# #搞笑段子 #