Recently smoked no money, just go to run Didi, go out to pull a beautiful woman, beauty asked me if I can smoke, I said yes. She lit her cigarette, took a sip, and suddenly realized that she should give me one

Recently smoked no money, just go to run Didi, go out to pull a beautiful woman, beauty asked me if I can smoke, I said yes. She lit a cigarette, took a sip, and suddenly realized that she should give me one, and she casually handed it over and said, "Don't mind!" I saw that she was beautiful, I said I didn't mind, I took a sip and suddenly felt a little dizzy, and the beauty said: "Change me to open it, this smoke is strong, on the head." "After changing seats, I slept for a few minutes, and when I woke up again, it was already noon the next day, I was finished, the car must be gone, and I was about to cry, but last night the beautiful woman appeared, she smiled and said: "Your car is too bad, I sold it as a waste product, and got you a new one!" "I rushed out with excitement, and I was dumbfounded when I saw it...

2, classmates party, everyone is saying how high their salary is!

I was there just listening silently because my salary was too low to say it!

At this time, my ex-girlfriend in college asked me aloud: You will not still have a salary of 3,000 yuan! I bowed my head and said: No, 3500 pieces. The ex-girlfriend joked and said: I know that you have no future, it seems that my choice is right, and then everyone follows the ex-girlfriend joke and I say: Di Si is Di Si, or take that little salary.

At this time, I added: Those 3500 were all sent by my wife.

The whole audience suddenly fell silent, and then they all gathered around me and said: It turns out that your salary is the highest!

At this time I saw the smile on my ex-girlfriend's face suddenly disappear!

3, the brother-in-law who went to college found a girlfriend. However, the relationship between the two seems to be a little bad these days, and they often quarrel.

When I woke up this morning, I suddenly came to me and asked: How can I get my girlfriend to break up with me?

I thought about it for a moment: propose to her!

Brother-in-law: Why do I have to break up and propose?

Me: You listen to me, you made a fake diamond ring to propose to her, she found out that she must be angry and want to break up with you!

Brother-in-law: What if she doesn't care about this?

Me: If you don't care, such a good girl will be married!

Brother-in-law: Is this okay? ......

4, buddy works in a state-owned enterprise, and people around him are very envious of him. One day in the suburbs, I saw that he did not go to work and was handing out flyers.

I walked up to him in shock: "Why did you quit your good job?" The brother replied, "I stopped doing it a month ago." ”

I wondered, "What's that for?" ”

The brother said with a bitter heart: "My place of work is too close to home, and the Ferrari I just bought has no chance to go on the road..."

5. It has been two years since graduating from Tongji University, and I have been staying at home and have not gone out to find a job. So I asked the family for three hundred million yuan simply, opened a gold shop, and blew air conditioning in it to beat the glory of the king. On this day, a girl came to the shop and stared at a beautiful diamond ring on the counter for a long time... The girl said to herself: Alas! How long will it take for a boy to give me this diamond ring? At this time, a young man came over and said: Just three months! The girl was half-convinced: Oh, why do you say that? Guy: Because I can be a cosmetic surgeon! I know how long it will take to get a person's face pretty enough

6, the mouse pointed at the cat fiercely and said: I am now married to the bat! In the future our children will live in the air! Don't be afraid of you anymore! The cat laughed, pointed to the owl on the tree and said: See no, daughter-in-law!

7, look at how the strange thing is repaired, my wife shouted at me: "You have mosquitoes on your back, don't move, don't move." Look I don't shoot it to death. Then he stood behind me. I waited for half a day without waiting for the "snap" moment, so I asked my wife why she didn't shoot? The wife replied: "What is the hurry, I am still focusing!" ”

8, girlfriend husband is handsome traffic police, this day girlfriend drove me to the mall, just met her husband on duty to check drunk driving, her husband saw that it was her, he looked at it twice,

Who knew that the girlfriend came directly to a sentence: what to see? Want to rob Se Ming said.

Her husband had a black line on his face and waved his hand to let her go quickly, but the glass was not closed, and I clearly heard the driver of the car behind him shouting: What to see? Want to rob Se Ming said...

9, my brother-in-law told me that my sister wants to lose weight, but she can't control her love to eat snacks, so she thought of a way to play games! Divert attention. I asked, "How did that work?" Brother-in-law: "Don't say, your sister really doesn't have time to take snacks to eat now, they are all playing while letting me feed her...

10. When I was in junior high school, I once secretly went to an Internet café to pack a night and was caught by my father, and I tugged at my ears and dragged my home.

Dad: "Last night, look at the smell on your body, hurry to the shower, wash more, I will give you hot food." ”

I didn't expect my father to be so gentle in his heart, so I immediately ran to the bathroom, took off my clothes and prepared to start washing.

At this time, the father kicked open the door and took the skin and took it in: "Stripped naked, huh?" This time I have to beat you up for a long time. ”

11, I am a sophomore year this year, a science and engineering man in the Mechanical Department, a single dog! Last night after class, I went to the canteen to buy food, and as I walked, I heard a girl in front of me calling. The girl said: Don't break up, what's so great! Then the girl giggled and talked for half a day, and finally said that another day we would have a breakup dinner! I thought to myself that this woman is really free and domineering! Then I wanted to see what she looked like. I walked quickly to her front, turned my head, and saw that her face was full of tears!