Recently, there is a hit TV series "The Perfect Partner", and just watching the introduction makes people feel heart-wrenching.
Because to some extent, it does reflect the attention of men and women in modern society to marriage and family relations, as well as their own thinking about career and partnership in their own lives.
Lin Qingkun, played by Wang Yaoqing, is a business elite who is very successful in his career, but this also means that he lacks family roles.
As Lin Qingkun's wife, Wu Min gave up her future for marriage before marriage and concentrated on being a housewife.
She is a housewife, and Lin Qingkun concentrates on her career, which has become a consensus between them.
But over time, they were left with only resentment towards each other.
Lin Qingkun did not understand Wu Min and felt that she should do everything.
He even felt that taking care of the family's children should be Wu Min's task, and he was only responsible for his own work.
In the face of Wu Min's emotions, he did not know how to understand, or rather, he felt that there was no need to be considerate at all.
And Wu Min also feels that he only cares about himself, not about his family and children.
Outside the male protagonist, the marriage within the female protagonist is what many girls yearn for.
But the truth is that such a seemingly clear division of labor, each performing its own duties of the marriage seems to be less happy than imagined.
In fact, regardless of men and women, the focus on taking care of the family side will always face a certain degree of disadvantage.
Recently, there was a news that in a marriage between the male and female protagonists, the two divorced, and the man received 15,000 compensation for taking care of the family.
Many netizens feel that this compensation is really not worth mentioning for the family who has been paying for many years.
It can be seen that in the modern marriage of modern society, the yearning for freedom and human rights and the pursuit of a happy marriage have become a trend.
In marriage and family, men no longer need a fertility machine to satisfy their desires, and women no longer need people who can provide for themselves like the old society.
Both men and women need a sense of happiness in marriage in order to have a good and happy marriage.
So, what exactly destroys happiness?
As a modern woman, what kind of man can't marry?
1
It seems to be filial piety, but in fact it is a mother treasure man
How terrible it is to marry Ma Bao Male, I believe that many girls have a certain consciousness.
But it is still not excluded that some simple girls with less experience will be deceived by the gentleness and thoughtfulness of ma Baonan, thinking that he is just filial piety, and a filial piety man will certainly be good to himself.
Unfortunately, the fact is often that after marrying such a man, when faced with the problem of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he will never help you speak and will never stand on your side.
They will even defend their own mothers, thus not respecting your opinions and efforts.
One of the words we often hear is: "My mother has been raising me for so many years, you as my daughter-in-law should be good to her with me."
In ma Baonan's heart, the daughter-in-law is just an appendage of a family, a tool, and the tool should not have a self, and it does not have to be respected.
He had no idea that his mother would not treat his wife as well as he did to himself, and would even bully her.
Many of his mother's demands on his wife were simply unreasonable, and his mother was not actually qualified to ask for a daughter-in-law.
The daughter-in-law's respect and filial piety to her mother-in-law stem from her husband's love and understanding of herself and the mutual respect between herself and her mother-in-law.
If you don't have a strong mind and a very high emotional intelligence, I'm afraid that if you marry into such a family, you will be miserable.
One client, during the relationship phase, found that her husband's mother would call him almost every day to ask for warmth.
She thought it was normal, because he was an only child and it was understandable that his parents cared a little more.
And he sometimes annoys his mother, and he will have some resistance to his mother's actions.
So she thinks it's just that the mother cares a little more about her son, and he's not a mommy boy.
But the fact is that after marriage, his mother will meddle in their family, discipline her in a condescending manner, and her attitude is also despised and despised.
In the face of her mother-in-law's various difficulties, her husband did not feel that it was his mother's problem at all.
Instead, he asked her to take his mother's words as a golden rule.
Sometimes her rebellion would have a little effect, but in the end it would be his mother's "My son will not be filial piety after he is with her." ”
"My mother is not in good health, they are all family, how can they make me angry every day" and other words of persuasion.
Her husband also felt that he could not resist his parents.
This is married life with a man who has a controlling mother, no ability to resist, and no opinion.
Married to Ma Bao man, most of the married life is very sad.
Chronic unhappiness can lead to depression, which can affect your physical and mental health.
In the end, the visitor also saw the reality clearly, and took advantage of the fact that he had just married and had no children, and made the decision to divorce.
So how should we identify Ma Bao Male?
In fact, before marriage, we should understand his family structure and way of getting along.
To see if this boy will consider his mother's opinion in everything, and put his own opinion after his mother's opinion.
Before marriage, try to interact with each other's parents as much as possible, get along in life, and see what kind of person the other person is.
We choose a marriage, not only to choose this man, but also to choose the family behind him.
Even if everyone's family can't be perfect, we can't go to the fire pit.
2
Men who are the first in their careers will neglect their families
This actually varies from person to person.
Some men take the family first while doing their own work, and such men are really good.
Some men take career as the first priority and take care of the family, so at this time, girls are required to take care of the work while taking the family as the first.
In fact, it is also very good, I am afraid of meeting the kind of man who only has a career in his life and does not take on family responsibilities at all.
With such a man, all the household affairs have to worry about you, and you will be blamed for not doing well, and they feel that they should do it well.
In the long run, I am afraid that normal people will collapse and be depressed.
Therefore, we need to beware of only caring about your own career and not caring about your partner at all.
There was once a client, Yuanyuan, who had been dating her boyfriend for a month and found that the other party was always saying that she was busy, and even sent her her her own daily work schedule.
When she looked at it, she felt that it was indeed very full, and he did not lie to her.
At the beginning, she also understood him very well, boys, a little more enterprising, positive and self-motivated.
However, after a long time, I found that even if it was only a few kilometers apart and the subway was half an hour's drive, I often couldn't see him for a week, because he was busy.
Gradually, she found that she didn't really matter in his life, and there was no difference between being in a relationship and being single.
So she quickly ended her relationship, which was a very wise choice.
Because if you marry such a man, it means that he is missing in family responsibilities.
As a boyfriend, he can't even do the minimum dating that a boyfriend should have to care and maintain a relationship, how can he expect him to take on family responsibilities with you in the future?
3
Beware of flower hearts
In fact, now girls are more and more assertive, except for some girls who are in love with their brains will be deceived by the sweet words of the flower heart man, most girls can have their own judgment.
In the face of the flower heart man, one of the most terrible thoughts is to think: "The prodigal son will not change his gold", and he is the one who can "save" him.
"The prodigal son does not change his head", this is simply a huge misconception.
The root of this perception is that you don't have an affirmation of self-worth.
You need to brush the sense of existence on the other party, and prove that you have absolute value by helping the other party to complete the "looking back" thing and changing the essence of the other party's heart.
This is essentially a desire to conquer, a narcissism, and a lack of self.
We must do what we want to do when we are broken, that is, to enrich our hearts and not fall into the trap of this wrong perception.
I have met many visitors, not only girls will meet flower heart men, boys will also meet flower heart women.
Some boys even know that this girl has established relationships with multiple boys while getting along with herself, but she still delusionally thinks that she can change her mind and deceive herself that she is the best for her.
I just want to persuade such men and women to turn back as soon as possible, scumbags have their own scum women, and scum women have scumbags.
Seriously, friends who are in love with their hearts are still good to stay away.
4
Beware of domestic violence men
The fourth important pit is probably the domestic violence man that everyone fears.
Domestic violence men are often accompanied by extremely strong emotional kidnappings, and he will express extraordinary love for you while abusing you at home.
But this "love" is actually an illusion, the essence is a kind of control, a kind of compulsion.
He wants you to show your strength by completely surrendering to him.
He tends to vent his unhappiness at work and in life through domestic violence, because he needs to have evidence that he has absolute authority.
At the same time, in order to keep you, he even knelt down to apologize after domestic violence and expressed his love for you.
He also apologized because he knew that domestic violence was wrong, but unfortunately he would never change it.
Before marriage, we should observe whether he has violent tendencies.
For example, will it intimidate and hurt small animals, and will it punch and kick you when arguing.
These are all signs that he may not be able to control his emotions in the future, and thus punch and kick at you.
I hope that all girls can accurately "avoid the pit" and find a true lover who suits them.
END
The author | Yanyan, master's degree from Xidian University, has long studied psychology and focuses on topics such as self-awareness, emotional management, intimate relationships, and the original family. It can help readers analyze emotional mysteries and improve themselves.