Author: 43rd Floor Editorial Office Abandoned Sick
Source: Mom.com Parenting (ID: mmwyuer)
1
It was my mother, and I was once a shining idol
Has everyone seen the new Korean variety "Mama is an Idol"?
It was so top-notch, I chased several episodes in one go!
Especially in the singing and dancing stage of "Nextlevel", the sisters are too stable to open the wheat too much.
This variety show, which was called the Korean version of "Lang Jie" by netizens, really broke the inherent convention of "girl group idols", and they gathered six Korean female aid beans who had once been very popular and retired from the circle:
Former AfterSchool captain Jia Hee, former Bella Mafia lead singer Hyun Joon-ni, former WonderGirls captain Min Xianyi, Solo singer-xing, former Jewelry captain Park Jung-ah, former BABYVOXre.v member Leung Eun-chi.
Even more surprising is that the youngest of them is 32 years old and the oldest is 41 years old.
The "Mom Love Bean", who has been away from the stage for the longest time, has not been on the stage for 4353 days.
4353 days, 11 years, 11 months and 7 days.
Some even have difficulties in moving due to postpartum sequelae, and it is difficult to return to the stage.
As long as people who have been familiar with the "Korean Second Generation Girl Group" mention the names of several sisters, there should be no one who will not shed the tears of the times.
After all, they were all once glittering idols on stage.
Take my personal favorites Min Xianyi and Liang Enzhi.
Min Xianyi's group WonderGirls debuted in 2007, when the first volume of the global "Nobody" can be described as a household name, winning the award, and even produced four versions of China, Britain, South Korea and Japan.
WonderGirls also became the first group to become a "blockbuster girl group" in China.
And Min Xianyi is the captain and lead singer of the team, and the proper ACE is responsible. Her appearance on the stage is changeable, and her gentle and unique honey voice has also circled many fans.
In 2013, the star-studded Min Xianyi decided to marry her boyfriend outside the circle and quit the group, and now becomes a mother of three children, almost completely bidding farewell to the show business circle.
Some people say that Min Xianyi is a winner in life, married to a good husband, and has cute children.
But I always think of her twenties, and every time the group won an award, she would hold back tears and say her testimonials over and over again as the captain.
Now those large sections of the acceptance speech have completely disappeared into life, Min Xianyi's life is no longer an album, teammates and trophies, she only used three words to summarize it all: rice, rice, rice.
Cooking is her most important job every day, getting up in the morning to make the bento for the eldest and second eldest to go to school, and then cooking for the third who has not yet gone to school after sending away her two children.
So when she received an invitation from the program team, her first reaction was excitement, but then there was worry: Can I really do this?
Like Min Xianyi, after leaving the stage, Liang Enzhi's days were all dedicated to the children without exception.
Eleven months after marriage, Liang Enzhi gave birth to her first child, followed by the second and third children, and her husband, who is a football player, is either serving in the military or playing football in a foreign country, leaving her alone to take care of several children at home.
Friends around her did not become mothers, when she encountered the problem of raising a baby, she watched various parenting forums by herself, never complained to her husband, and took her three daughters for 13 years.
Around her is no longer the spotlight and microphone, but the children's and urine and endless chai rice oil and salt.
Singer Liang Enzhi is gone, only the housewife Liang Enzhi is left.
After receiving the invitation call for the show, Liang Zhien smiled bitterly and asked: "I am a big mother, the mother of a child, who will invite me as a singer?" ”
What makes me even more sad is that in the show, each person is asked to write a merit of their own, and Liang Enzhi hesitates and fills in a "quick blow-dry girl's long hair".
Liang Zhien, who was so sparkling on the stage before, now did not even dare to move the idea of missing the stage.
The original intention of deciding to participate in this show was because her daughter saw her previous performance videos, but she commented on the excellent one:
Mom is so ugly, mascara is very heavy, and her figure is so fat.
Liang Enzhi was a little unconvinced, although she was still very afraid of the stage, but she wanted to prove to the children that she was the same as before, or even better, she still plucked up the courage.
Despite knowing that his physical strength was incomparable with that of his youth, Liang Enzhi decided not to concede defeat to age.
After re-standing on the stage where the sweat was once thrown, these "mother-level love beans" cried in front of the screen, and I stared at the screen and burst into tears.
Before we had children, we only wanted to live for ourselves, but now we are full of thoughts about how to make children better.
The previous self has gone farther and farther, and now we are living as "mother" and "wife".
We are no longer the energetic girl, but a mother.
We are no longer the strong woman who thrives in the workplace, but a housewife.
Occasionally, when we think of our former freedom, we will doubt life and doubt ourselves, but our identity should never be framed in the single role of "mother", and we still have the right to pursue our dreams.
It's my mother, I'm an idol, I'm myself.
2
"The tears of a working woman are indeed worth more than a housewife."
But the most unfair part of this society is obvious, regarding the choice of work and family, dad can escape, but mom has nowhere to escape.
In the recently popular TV series "Perfect Partner", the marriage of Lin Qingkun and Wu Min is suffocating.
After graduating from university, Wu Min gave up the opportunity to study abroad, chose to marry Lin Qingkun, did not listen to his mother's advice, became a full-time wife and later became a full-time mother.
The child has food poisoning, but he can't find Lin Qingkun's figure in the hospital, and no matter how crazy Wu Min sends a voice call, he can't contact him.
My father-in-law fell ill and died, and he did not show up, but went to work first.
Whenever the wife needs her husband the most and the children need her father the most, Lin Qingkun is always away, raising her son alone, and Wu Min is tired and desperate.
When the second child came and went suddenly, when she was 8 weeks pregnant, Wu Min and her male friend went to the furniture store together, and was found by Lin Qingkun, Wu Min hurried to explain, but accidentally fell on the stairs and miscarried.
Lin Qingkun not only did not feel sorry for his wife, but scolded her.
Disappointed, Wu Min ran away from home, but even so, Lin Qingkun did not feel that there was anything wrong with him, and coldly threw out a sentence:
"I'll give you two choices, either come back quickly or never."
After the two divorced, Lin Qingkun's career partner Chen Shan experienced the death of his father from illness, and he discovered how tired it was to balance work and family, and felt that Chen Shan was really not easy.
Ironically, Wu Min's previous plea for help from him had been treated by Lin Qingkun as a spoiled and disease-free moan, and he felt that she did not have to work nine to five, so there was nothing to cry about.
Seeing Chen Shan's tears, he thought he understood Wu Min's difficulty and pain.
He ran to Wu Min to apologize, but this belated understanding and respect for Wu Min was not uncommon, and she suddenly realized:
"The tears of working women are indeed worth more than housewives."
In a word, it has poked the hearts of countless full-time mothers.
Endless housework, endless meals, endless bowls... This is the daily routine of many stay-at-home moms.
But prejudices against stay-at-home moms are still everywhere:
"Don't do anything but take the baby, stay-at-home mothers are really relaxed!" "I envy the full-time wife, who spends her husband's money only at home with a baby!" "Isn't it just about being at home with a kid, what's tiring?"
According to the first "Chinese Mothers' Anxiety Index Report" released by UC Big Data, the anxiety index of full-time mothers ranks third, second only to mothers engaged in finance and Internet work.
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, simple repetition, repetitive triviality, repetitive boredom, day after day, year after year.
The hard work of stay-at-home moms is all in the invisible place.
3
No man can pass an interview
Some people say that "full time" is like a siege, people outside the city want to come in, people inside the city want to go out.
The reality is that it is not so easy to get out.
Most working mothers are also rolling in chicken feathers.
I've seen a short film called "The Interview No Man Can Pass."
At the beginning, several interviewers disguised as different professions threw sharp questions at the men who came to interview:
"Are you married?" "If you have to breastfeed and take care of your children, can you do your job now?" "There are promotion opportunities, but your gender is not dominant, will you still consider this job?"
These questions make the men who come to the interview feel brainless and funny, but they are often heard by many women.
This interview, which no man can pass, is a mountain that every woman must cross.
When you are not in the workplace, you must ensure that you have strong ability to resist pressure and ensure that you do not have children within a few years;
After entering the workplace, you have to pay several times more effort to promote, if you accidentally have children, it will be difficult to have opportunities in the workplace in the future.
Some mothers, after giving birth, have to work full-time for several years because of various problems, thinking that when the children are older, they will go out to work.
The reality is that once you leave the workplace, you can't smoothly return to your original position.
The variety show "Heartwarming Offer" has an issue that discusses the plight of women in the workplace.
Papi sauce bluntly said that many women in the workplace are afraid to get pregnant, because they are afraid of losing everything if they are pregnant.
Lan Yingying also agrees with this, she adds:
"I think one of the things that's unfair is that women are discriminated against on both sides.
You said that in life, if you don't have children, you will be discriminated against because of all kinds of pressures in the family, saying how did you get to this age and not have children?
"But you have to have a baby, you're pregnant, you're going to be discriminated against in the company, because you're pregnant, so we have to do a lot of things instead of you, you can't do this, you can't do that, why do you come to work?" So I think it's really hard. ”
Not being born, urging at home, being discriminated against;
Born, busy in the workplace, discriminated against.
In the choice of whether to become a mother, it seems that women are wrong no matter how they choose, and there are too many to give up and lose.
Do you remember Shen Meizhuang's actor Huan Xi in "The Biography of Zhen Huan"? She once said about her experience in a variety show:
Before giving birth to a child, many scenes have found her, once thought that she had a delay in giving birth to a child for a year or two, and it should be no problem not to shoot a scene, and as a result, after giving birth to a child, she was hit in the face by reality, and once no one cared.
Yao Chen also told his own personal experience in the "Starlight Speech".
In 2012, she finally came across several good scripts, and just as she was about to make a big deal, she found out she was pregnant.
As a result, the whole team was silenced and could only take maternity leave together.
Later, when she set up her own small studio and was ready to roll up her sleeves and do a big job, she accidentally became pregnant, and the result was that any ambition had to be set aside.
In five years, she had two children, missed many good projects of good directors, and when she returned to the workplace, she found that her career was already in a very embarrassing situation.
It is so difficult for actresses to balance fertility and career development, not to mention that ordinary women like us are sad and helpless because of pregnancy.
Netizens @Coffee had been a full-time mother at home for three years, before returning to the workplace, in an interview, HR began to be very impatient after knowing her work gap, although she explained that the reason for being a full-time mother was to decide not to find a job after having a child and concentrate on taking the baby.
But HR used this as an excuse to slash and slash her salary, and she couldn't help but doubt herself:
Is stay-at-home mom a stain on my life?
Some people once joked that there was once a quality called "Made in China", and now there is a new spirit called "Chinese Woman".
Because a Chinese woman not only needs to be a good employee, a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter-in-law, and a good daughter;
It is more necessary to be a good cook, a good driver, a good finance, a good nanny, a good purchaser, a good counselor, a good masseuse, and a good trash can.
Moms have no balance, only desperate to fight.
4
Although there is never the word "easy" in my mother's world, I still want to tell you:
As long as they are confident, brave and independent, every woman is a sparkling and unique existence.
Just like these "mother-level love beans" in the "Mother is an Idol" program, they once "called the wind and rain" on the stage, only gave birth to a child, and then returned to feel that everything was inadequate, even compared to the younger generation, the psychological gap of course everyone has.
If you want to return, you must be mentally prepared, work harder than others, and be stronger than others.
Although cruel, it allows us to earn respect and regain our value through our own efforts.
If you are determined to be a full-time mother, you don't have to be arrogant, learn to accept yourself, don't ask too much of yourself, and every optimistic mother is a role model for her children.
Miss World Zhang Zilin said on Weibo:
"It's great to be able to choose to conceive and have a child and raise a child, and you don't have to worry about the process."
Moms,
Having children is only the richest part of our lives, but it is only a period;
Your life series, you yourself are still the protagonist;
It's never too late to live the life you want to live!
Author: 43rd Floor Editorial Office Abandoned Sick. Pay attention to the mother network parenting (ID: mmwyuer), the mother and baby public account that 5 million mothers are watching, sharing practical parenting knowledge every day, so that you can become a better mother. Please contact Mom.com Parenting (ID: mmwyuer).
Editor of this issue: Xiao Zi.