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Nietzsche: "Those who cannot obey themselves must obey others." ”
The so-called "obedience to oneself", there are many kinds of sayings, love yourself, rely on yourself, be yourself, believe in yourself, all are considered to be obeying yourself; on the contrary, everything depends on others, believes in others, and acts according to the rules set by others, it is not obedience to yourself, but obedience to others.
Those who obey others can be said to be people who have no opinion. If the person you obey is genuinely concerned about you, your obedience may be beneficial to you. But if the person you obey is extremely selfish, thinking only of yourself, or counting you in the name of thinking about you, your obedience will bring you only harm.
Some people have long understood this truth, while some people still do not understand this truth in their later years, just like the following reader said about her mother-in-law.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
You say that in this life, how can people live in vain? What exactly is the right thing to do?
Before marriage, because I experienced very few things, the people around me were also good people in the conventional sense, and I had not come into contact with people who were not the same as me, so my understanding of human nature was not deep enough. I thought I could live my life simply, but after getting married, I found that it was not so simple.
People say that after a woman marries into her in-laws' family, there will be more or less contradictions between mother-in-law and sister-in-law, I did not feel it before, but now I feel deeply. To put it bluntly, they are a mother and daughter in the same group, and they either ignore me, or they are hostile to me, or they calculate me.
My mother-in-law is a very unsympathetic person, and she obeys her daughter in everything. My sister-in-law initially looked down on me, pretended to be very filial to let my mother-in-law live in her house, ruined my reputation in front of outsiders, and even openly asked my mother-in-law to draw a clear line with me and my husband, saying that in the future, the family property could not be left to us at all.
How she sees me, I can't control it, all I can do is take care of myself. Although the marriage is not as ideal as I imagined, because my husband and I are truly in love, there is no way, we can only passively draw a line with my mother-in-law.
Later, the reason why my sister-in-law encouraged my mother-in-law to live in our house was because my husband and I lived a good life through our own efforts, she was hungry, she didn't have the face to calculate us, so she asked her mother-in-law to come forward and wanted her mother-in-law to calculate something from us and give it to her.
Our husband and wife are well aware of her conspiracy, and the mother-in-law has no opinion, and suddenly insists on letting us give her a pension, which is clearly at the behest of her sister-in-law, because she alone cannot say "your daughter-in-law has the ability, makes more money, and should she give me a pension".
Fortunately, my husband was not confused and directly rejected her: "When you find your daughter for the elderly, didn't you say that you wanted to draw a line with us?" Didn't she say she was responsible for giving you a pension? Why are you still coming to us? ”
The sister-in-law only taught her mother-in-law how to play lai, and did not teach her what to do after being rejected, so that after the mother-in-law listened to my husband's words, she was speechless on the spot, and was questioned by my husband whether it was the sister-in-law's behind the command, and she obediently told the truth.
Maybe her old face couldn't hang on, and she just slipped away. I don't know what will happen in the future, I just firmly believe that in old age, people are wise, and vice versa, what do you think?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The opinionated are wise, and this view applies to all.
Even if they are the kind of people who are arranged for their lives, as long as they can distinguish whether the people who arrange their lives are good or bad, this is still evidence that they have their own opinions. They can effortlessly let others arrange everything and enjoy their own success, which is a kind of wisdom that is "wise as foolish".
Other than that, no one arranges a happy life for you, and you can only rely on your own opinion to arrange your own life.
Having an opinion is not the same as drawing a clear line with everyone, but on the basis of concentrating on being yourself, choosing the good ones and following them, choosing the bad ones and changing them, everything you do revolves around thinking about yourself, making yourself better and better, no one is qualified to say that you are not wise.
It is understandable that young people do not understand these truths, because they are not deeply involved in the world, have too little experience, and may not be able to distinguish between right and wrong; and for older people, if they do not understand these truths, it can almost be said that most of your life has been in vain.
Especially in the kind of family of the reader's in-laws, the parents in the family must have an opinion, and they must not blindly interfere in the lives of their children, and at the same time, they should not let their lives be interfered with by their children. Otherwise, whoever speaks well listens to whom you listen, never judge whether that person is good or bad, and once that person has bad intentions, you will not only make your old age life unfinished, but also chill the hearts of other children.