Many people crave the warmth of family affection, but sometimes, affection also has an indifferent side.
Some parents treat their children differently, treat their sons as treasures in the palm of their hands, and also ask their daughters to help their brothers, in such a situation, whether we obey or resist, I believe that everyone has their own answers.
28-year-old Xu Xiaoya met such a mother, she worked half-time and half-studied to graduate school, found a job in a foreign-funded unit, more than 6,000 yuan per month, her brother wanted to get married, her mother let her take 200,000 to go home to build a house, and did not give it to run to the unit to make trouble, so that Xiaoya was overwhelmed.
What makes her sad is not to pay, but the attitude of the family as a matter of course, if she does not give, it is considered to be an offense to the family, but is she really doing it wrong?
The mother asked her daughter to take 200,000 yuan, and did not think there was anything wrong with it
Xu Xiaoya has a younger brother who is 5 years younger than herself, and after her brother was born, her parents let her take more care of her younger brother, and her younger brother is the treasure of the family.
Under the influence of her parents, Xu Xiaoya knew that if she wanted to go to college, she needed to rely on herself, and after she got the admission letter, she began to work to earn her own tuition and living expenses.
From graduate school until graduate school, she found a good job, her income also increased steadily, and she made a boyfriend who was an executive, and the other party's family conditions were also good.
Xu Xiaoya is a person who knows gratitude, since he has an income, he will send 2,000 living expenses to his parents every month, and the money for his father's medical treatment will also be sent separately.
Although she has more than 70,000 incomes every year, but after removing the rent and living expenses, as well as the money given to her parents, she can not have much left, Xu Xiaoya has her own plans, she is also going to start a family, do not expect her parents to give themselves a dowry, but also can not go to the in-laws' house empty-handed, she is ready to save money to buy some furniture.
The mother found her and asked her to give the family 200,000, the brother talked about a girlfriend, the woman's family asked to build a house and give a bride price, she felt that she had raised her daughter, her brother wanted to get married, and the daughter should take the money.
Xu Xiaoya told her mother that she did not have much savings, and she was not ready to pay for her brother to build a house, at most when her brother got married, she wrapped a big red envelope to express her heart.
Her attitude made her mother angry, she accused her daughter of being a "white-eyed wolf", and she raised her eldest daughter with hard work, but her daughter did not know filial piety, and even ran to her daughter's unit to make trouble.
The mother ignores that the daughter can be filial to the parents, but there is no obligation to help the brother, and the mother can feel sorry for the son, but should not ask the daughter.
This is the dislocation of identity and the source of family conflicts.
The younger brother is righteous and demanding, typical of the weak mentality
Xu Xiaoya's younger brother is a typical ma bao.
He dropped out of school after graduating from junior high school, and spent all day at home idle, pocket money from his parents, needed to buy clothes and other items, and asked his sister for money.
After his brother became an adult, his mother saw that it was not a way to play at home, so she asked Xu Xiaoya to find a job for her brother, he had no academic qualifications, nor did he have a skill, so he could only find some logistical work.
If the younger brother can go to work in peace and use the time off work to learn some technology, he can also slowly gain a foothold in the city and support himself.
But he felt that the salary was low, each job could not be done for a long time, he gave up on his own, and then simply lived in his sister's rental house to play games, no money to use it to ask his sister, Xu Xiaoya felt that he could not go on like this, and drove his brother back to his hometown.
After returning to his hometown, his brother was introduced by others to go on a blind date, and the mother thought that her son would start a family earlier, and she could also hold her grandson earlier, and she was very concerned about her son's marriage, so she had the previous call for money.
Seeing that his sister refused to give money, his brother was also very angry, and he said to his sister: "The only thing that can help me in this family is my parents and you, my parents have no ability, you don't help anyone, otherwise why would I get married?" ”
He spoke of taking it outright, reflecting his own weak mentality.
The so-called weak mentality is that I am weak and I am reasonable, my brother is not able to earn money, I think my sister should help myself, and when I see my sister living well, I will be unbalanced in my heart.
But he forgot that the sisters and brothers are independent of each other, the sister's good life is achieved by his own efforts, if the younger brother also wants to live a good life, he needs to calm his mind and work hard.
Otherwise, the more his sister helps him, the more unfavorable it is to him, because people are inert, living in a comfortable circle, and it is easy to degenerate themselves.
Learn to refuse, you can live your life
Families with children are not alone, and parents' preference for sons over daughters is not unique.
In the TV series "Ode to Joy" and "An Family", we are shown that the parents' eccentricity hurts their daughters, and when you meet such parents, you must learn to be independent.
First, learn to reject unreasonable requests from parents.
Not every parent loves their children, and some parents are eccentric.
For example, Xu Xiaoya's mother, she believes that her daughter should help her son, and feels that her son is passed down from generation to generation, and the future pension is also dependent on her son.
But she didn't want to think, her son was so weak and incompetent, could he really support his own family? Even if you get married, you are likely to cause trouble to your parents because of the pressure of life.
When encountering such a brother, the sister must learn to refuse, you have no obligation to help him, you can completely according to your own ideas, within the scope of your ability to take out your own heart.
Just like Xu Xiaoya, her mother ran to her boyfriend to ask for money, and the boyfriend agreed, but Xu Xiaoya stopped it, and she promised her brother that she could give a big red envelope when she got married, but it was impossible to want 200,000.
Such an attitude is admirable, worthy of a highly educated girl, with a clear view of right and wrong.
Second, don't be bound by the other person's logical thinking.
Some mothers will say, "I raised you with hard work, and you should know how to repay me." ”
Yes, the daughter is to be filial to the parents, but there is no obligation to take care of the parents' son, the girl must be distinguished, do not be biased by the logic of the other party.
There is no need to have a sense of guilt, thinking that he has an incompetent brother, not to help and can not say, you know, let the younger brother suffer when he is young, it is better than him until middle age to find out the fact that he is incompetent.
From a certain point of view, the sister is a little harsh on the younger brother, is the love for the younger brother.
In addition, strive to grow and let your abilities continue to improve.
No one can choose to be born, the original family is just an experience of their own life.
What you have to do is to constantly improve yourself and give yourself the ability to jump out of the original environment in order to make your future life feel hopeful.
The more you are looked down upon by your parents, the more you must value yourself.
There is no road in vain in life, every step counts, and your current efforts will become the ladder of the future.
Before getting the love of others, you have to love yourself well, you focus on yourself, one day you will find that your heart is getting stronger and stronger, and you will not be upset by your parents' demands, because you know how to discern, and you will not punish yourself with the mistakes of others.
Here, I also want to tell my parents that there is a daughter at home, please love her well, and let the daughter become herself, not the object of her brother's demand.
Today's topic: Do you think your sister should give her brother 200,000 yuan to build a house? Welcome to leave a message to talk about your point of view~