Author: Zhang Jianyun
Cloud said family style father/mother article
When I was a soldier in the early years, my marksmanship was not good, and I often went off target. At that time, he agreed with the platoon leader that 10 rings were full of targets, and one ring was almost enough to buy him a bottle of beer. After a shooting training, I almost dragged several cases of beer to the platoon leader.
At that time, I was a bit resentful, complaining about the high requirements of the platoon leader, and even wondering whether the gun target had done the tricks, why was it always me who bought beer?
Actually, it's a matter of my mood. I had already aimed at the heart, and when I pulled the trigger, the gun shook. The reason why the gun is shaking is because I feel that this gun must have 10 rings, at least 9 rings, 10 bullets down, and the total is not passed.
I always thought that if I played well, I would be praised and wouldn't have to buy beer for the platoon leader. This is a goal syndrome. Paying too much attention to the goal and forgetting to be in the present will often miss in regret and fail in flukes.
Just like between husband and wife, when there is a common goal, it is easy to quarrel. Take tourism, for example. Opinions may vary depending on when to go, which flight to take, what hotel to stay in, what clothes to wear, and what meals to eat. If the tone of speech is heavy, there will be quarrels, and some will change the itinerary or cancel it outright.
What is tourism?
It is not to travel to the ends of the earth and the mountains and grasslands, but the moment you decide to travel, you have already started when you pack your bags at home and prepare your strategy. The day itself is tourism, and whoever can live a peaceful, pleasant and comfortable life is the traveler.
For example, decoration, buying a car, volunteering for children, etc., as long as there is something in the family, as soon as a common goal appears, the husband and wife begin to have their own opinions. Many people grow old in quarrels.
We have no reason to complain that the destination is too far away, or not auspicious, just like my shooting can not complain about the target, it is completely my own level, the mind is too poor.
Lao Tzu: The Way of Heaven, its Bow and Bow? The high one suppresses, the lower one lifts it, the surplus loses it, and the insufficient one makes up for it.
Isn't the law of nature the same as the law of day, not very much like shooting a gun and shooting an arrow? When the gesture is high, press it down, raise it higher when it is low, relax it when it is too full, and replenish it if it is not enough.
Why do you have to argue that you are wrong and I am right? Husband and wife live, and it is not a Sino-US trade war, I am wrong, you are right, what can you do? But all couples who talk about right and wrong are generally not happy, and their health is not good, and the disease they get is basically the same.
The humility, harmony and intimacy between husband and wife are not only a symbol of cherishing life and cherishing emotions, but also a good education for children. Only when there is an intimate relationship can there be a parent-child relationship.
The divorce of the husband and wife is the fire at the city gate for the child, which hurts the pond fish.
How to say?
The city gate was on fire, roasting the fish in the moat to death.
The child is the scapegoat on the road to the divorce of the parents, a lonely scapegoat. Inferiority, isolation, ruthlessness, rebellion, violence, and even breaking the law and committing crimes can all occur. Some parents desperately rob their children. For example, Wang Baoqiang and Ma Rong and many partners in the divorce battle do not know that their current happy, free, indulgent and rich lives will cause endless pain to their future children.
One must build on a firm foundation?
Hearing a friend mention that her female colleague handled her husband's infidelity, I couldn't help but be impressed.
Ben was on a business trip and returned home from the airport because he forgot an important document. Unexpectedly, I saw the young subordinate walking into the door of his house. I was dumbfounded. I have always suspected my husband's clues, and finally people are dirty. Is it to open the door and catch the adulteress in bed, or to endure the pain with tears and bear the burden of humiliation?
After a hard ideological struggle, I called home and said that my husband had forgotten my documents, that you were too tired, that you would not bother to send them to me, and that I would arrange for my subordinates, the girl, to go to the house to get them. I didn't wait for my husband to reflect, and then hung up. I called the girl again and said can you come to my house and help me get a document to take downstairs?
The East Window Incident, the day is clear. Of the three people, no one didn't know what was happening, but it just didn't directly pierce it, crying, angry, cursing, scratching all of them. Instead, it ended this extramarital affair that should have lasted for a long time in a state of extreme calmness, extreme embarrassment, extreme embarrassment, or extreme humiliation.
The cheater naturally needs to be criticized, but the cheater also has something that the derailed person can't do. It is recommended that husband and wife be pleasant, respectful, wise, humorous, understand and communicate with each other from words and deeds, and minimize quarrels, anger, shouting, argumentation and cold violence. Because, these accumulated trivialities are likely to grow into towering trees and bear poisonous fruits.
Today is the original text of the Tao Te Ching, Chapter 77:
The Way of Heaven, its Bow and The Way of Heaven? The high one suppresses, the lower one lifts it, the surplus loses it, and the insufficient one makes up for it.
About the Author
Zhang Jianyun is a writer, scholar, member of the All-China Women's Federation Family Construction Expert Think Tank, and member of the China Writers Association.
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