The other day, I saw a news.
A famous Hubei woman wandered in a cemetery in Dongguan.
She had been here for many days, dirty, and usually lived in a small room in the cemetery, eating some tribute and collecting food.
So why did she wander here? This has to start four years ago.
At that time, her family introduced her to a blind date and held a banquet.
But she didn't like the boy and didn't want to live in the man's house at all.
After repeated persuasion by her family, she ran away from home in a huff and has never been in contact since.
The family was particularly anxious, not only did she withdraw her marriage, but her father also offered a reward of 100,000 to find her.
If she hadn't been forced into marriage, how could she have resisted in such an extreme way?
Marriage is a great joy in life, and every girl yearns for a happy and happy marriage.
But if it is done in the form of "forced", it will inevitably be overshadowed with a layer of tragedy.
What happened to the girls who were forced into marriage?
There is a question on the Internet: Are people who married because of parental persecution doing well now?
In the answer, a netizen shared the story of his cousin.
In order to make her parents happy, my cousin married a person who did not want to marry.
The next day after the marriage, it was found that the man was still disconnected from his ex-girlfriend, and his cousin repeatedly warned him, but it was always to no avail.
More than two months after the marriage, the cousin divorced and returned the dowry to the man's family.
I didn't think that the man actually asked for a loss fee, saying that their family also spent a lot of money on the banquet.
In the end, the two families made a particularly unpleasant quarrel.
Emotional mentor Tu Lei once said:
In this world, anything can be done, only the matter of marriage cannot be done.
Girls who rush into marriage because of persecution can hardly really understand each other, so most of them have a blind attitude.
Such a marriage is almost difficult to achieve happiness, and it may even be the beginning of tragedy.
An elder sister in her hometown was forced to marry by her parents when she was young.
After marriage, she found that her husband was almost useless except for his handsomeness, not only alcoholism, gambling, and even domestic violence and cheating.
Once, Xiao San made trouble at home, and the eldest sister was angry and drank the pesticide on the spot.
Fortunately, the rescue was timely and saved his life.
Obviously, it is not the fault of the eldest sister, but the eldest sister is in the village and can never lift her head.
People in that era did not want to divorce, and the eldest sister was so trapped in an unhappy marriage that she was bent on perfection, with no happiness, no happiness, only hurt.
Life is not long, it is not short.
To get married, you don't want a certificate, but to find someone who can accompany you for life and give yourself happiness.
As someone said:
It has to be one person, financially ready, psychologically ready, out of love, holding hands with another person.
The greatest significance of marriage is the common growth of the spiritual world of two people, the common happiness and suffering, and the exchange of sincerity for sincerity.
For marriage, we must have a cautious and serious attitude, do not make up our minds, and do not marry for the sake of marriage.
If you are not the right person, for whatever reason, learning to refuse is the greatest responsibility for yourself.
I've seen a passage like this:
"In the concept of forced marriage parents, the definition of happiness is to marry and have children at an old age, as long as the other party is healthy, honest, no bad habits, etc., the marriage can be maintained."
For parents, choosing to force marriage is actually a helpless move.
Behind the forced marriage is the embarrassment and pain of the children, but why not the anxiety of the parents?
After all, in the hearts of most Chinese parents, they always feel that only when their children start a family can they complete their tasks.
Therefore, they more or less hope that their children can complete the major events of life in the way they are familiar with.
Especially when they see that people around them who are about the same age as their children are married, they are even more anxious.
On the one hand, it feels that children do not marry, making them very faceless;
On the other hand, I am worried that when my children are old, no one wants them, and they will be ridiculed by people around them.
In addition, parents force marriage, more is not at ease with their children.
In the TV series "I'm Fine in Other Places", Ji Nanjia, who is 36 years old, has been single because she is busy with her career and has no time to fall in love.
For this reason, Ji Mu was particularly anxious and tried to urge her to get married.
Once, when Ji Nanjia returned from Beijing to her hometown in the northeast, Ji Mutuo's relatives helped her introduce a man of about the same age.
The other party does not play mahjong, does not drink, does not smoke, but just lost his job.
After hearing this, Ji Nanjia immediately refused, and her heart was particularly reluctant, she thought that her mother did not care about her thoughts and feelings at all.
In the face of her daughter, who has always been in opposition to herself, Ji Mu said anxiously:
"No matter how rich you are, if you don't get married and don't have children, it's a waste of time, and when you're old, I'll see who brings you tea and water." Sooner or later, one day, when your father and your mother are gone, I will see who hurts you. ”
Parents love their children, but we can not deny their love.
Forced marriage, in the final analysis, is actually a misrepresentation of parental love.
Unfortunately, many times, we do not understand the good intentions of our parents.
If you are forced to marry by your parents at this moment, I hope that when you reject them, you will remain rational, gentle and euphemistic.
I believe that in this world, the vast majority of parents sincerely hope that their children can achieve happiness in marriage.
It's just that being forced to marry by parents is a huge pressure for everyone.
If it is not handled well, it is easy to cause conflicts with parents.
If we are forced into marriage by our parents, how should we better cope?
1. Understand the good intentions of parents
Parents force marriage, as far as possible do not take a strong attitude of resistance, because in doing so, it is easy to push them to the opposite side of us.
Know that parents are not our enemies.
The more we resist, the easier it is to arouse their patriarchal mentality.
When it is serious, it will even give us the crime of "filial piety".
Once the bridge between us and our parents is broken, our relationship with our parents is frozen.
Try to understand their good intentions, think more from their point of view, and don't let yourself go farther and farther on the road of resistance.
2. Instead of changing your parents' concepts, you should achieve a better version of yourself.
Although parents' ideas are outdated, it cannot be said that their values are wrong.
Different generations have created different people, and naturally they have also created different cultures and ideas.
In the era of my parents, most of the living conditions were more difficult, and they may feel that it is far better to find someone to live together than to live alone.
What's more, traditional ideas such as "no filial piety has three, no posterity is greater" has long been deeply rooted in the hearts of most parents.
It's almost impossible for us to change our parents' perceptions, just as they can't change us.
So, instead of wasting time changing their ideas, it's better to spend more time improving yourself and making yourself better and stronger.
Then tell them with actions: Even if you are a person, you can still live well.
3. Turn passive into active, give parents a "reassuring pill"
We often say that when love should come, it will always come, and we must learn to wait.
But not all love can wait, and sometimes, it may require your initiative.
If you don't want to be arranged by your parents, turn passive into active.
While promoting yourself, you must also find ways to expand your circle, to meet more people, plan well for yourself, put marriage on the agenda, and tell your parents what you really think.
Give your parents a reassuring pill, but also give yourself a buffer period, I believe that your parents will not push you too fast.
Maybe, one day, at a certain intersection, you will meet the person who can hold hands with you for a lifetime.
In the movie "The Leftovers Are King", Shu Qi's father said something like this:
She shouldn't have married for her parents, she shouldn't have listened to gossip outside, and she thought about getting married when she listened too much.
She should think of marrying someone she likes, someone with an old head, with her head held high, to be particularly tough, to longing, as if she had won.
I am her father, she is here with me, can only be happy, nothing else!
Marriage is a major event in our life, it is related to the happiness of our lives, and we can't be anxious, let alone forced.
I hope that as a parent, you will not casually make decisions for your children's marriage, but learn to let go and let the children make their own decisions.
Of course, we can also make some suggestions in moderation, and use our own experience and wisdom to guide children and let them take fewer detours.
Most importantly, we need to believe that the child has the ability to find a suitable partner.
At the same time, I hope that you, who are unmarried, can find the right person in the vast sea of people, and then take his hand and proudly declare to the world: He is the happiness of your life.
Finally, may every girl marry love and become the happiest person!
The author | Bread, pen and ink paper, chai rice oil and salt, one hand of writing, the other hand of life.
The anchor | Tong Tong, public number: Tong Tong accompanies you to read, WeChat video number: Tong Tong accompanies you to read.
Pictures | Visual China