The author | Dong Lin Fu
Neighbor Jing Jing's Xiao Meng and my daughter are the same age, I and Jing Jing often discuss together because of the matter of raising children, the other day I took my daughter to Jing Jing's house to play, and Jing Jing discussed what beautiful clothes and shoes she recently bought for her children, Xiao Meng Grandma, who was sitting on the side watching TV, said unhappily: "You young people will spend money indiscriminately, and the children's clothes will be picked up second-hand", Jing Jing listened to it very unhappily, and her face was suddenly ugly.
I saw that the atmosphere was not right, and immediately changed the subject.
Later, Jing Jing came to my house, and when she said that Xiao Meng's grandmother would collect a large number of second-hand clothes for Xiao Meng from her relatives and friends every year, Jing Jing was particularly unhappy.
Jing Jing said: "I am such a daughter, now in kindergarten and middle class, next year will go to elementary school, not a baby within one year of age, to be able to pick up other people's old clothes to wear."
Xiao Meng now loves beauty, every day to wear clothes to choose and match, I earn a lot every month, the children's clothes are all I buy, I am willing to dress the child clean and beautiful, but her grandmother always has to wear the child to the ground, others can not wash out the old clothes, she always wants to let Xiao Meng wear. ”
I advised Jing Jing to say: "In fact, the mood of the elderly should be understood, they generally live a hard life, can save the province, the child grows fast, a piece of clothing is small for a year, picking up other people's old clothes is not wrong, but we must pick and choose, too old and those clothes have stains on the old clothes that can not be washed off, you can no longer wear them for children." ”
But Jing Jing disagreed with me: "Compared to whether the child's childhood is happy or not, I think it is nothing at all that I buy my child a few more fashionable and good quality new clothes, otherwise where is my motivation to make money?"
I don't want Xiao Meng to be like when I was a child, because I always wear my brothers and sisters' old clothes and inferiority, unhappy, compared to letting the child have a healthy and happy childhood, buying clothes for the child to spend some money is really a small thing for me. ”
In fact, I understand Jingjing, her monthly salary is close to 20,000, she buys clothes for her children generally buys a few hundred yuan a good quality, fashionable and generous clothes, never buy luxury goods for children, and there is no extravagance and waste.
The quiet concept of consumption is actually very similar to me.
Why do I advocate that mothers pay attention to dressing up their children?
1. It is important to cultivate children's aesthetics from an early age.
It is human nature to love beauty, and the pursuit of beauty is a positive and pleasant good quality.
Sun Ruixue said in the book "Capturing Children's Sensitive Period": "The aesthetic sensitive period is a spiral development, from the requirement of perfection and completeness for what to eat, to the perfection and completeness of the things used, to the perfection of the image of the self, and finally to the pursuit of perfection for the environment, the inner temperament, and the pursuit of artistic quality. Aesthetic sensitivity manifests itself in all aspects. The aesthetic consciousness that a girl begins to appear around the age of 4 will affect her temperament and aesthetic ability throughout her life. ”
"In fact, the temperament of adults is caused by the aesthetics of childhood, and the aesthetics of childhood lay the aesthetic tendencies and quality of life of people throughout their lives."
Children over 4 years old begin to enter the aesthetic sensitivity period, this stage of children especially care about their own image, from dressing and hating to hairstyle, children are particularly concerned about their own image.
I have a deep understanding of this, my daughter is at this age, she now has to look in the mirror several times a day, there is a kind of obsession with beauty, such as the small braidS I comb her, if she is not satisfied, she will let me re-comb her repeatedly; the clothes she likes, she has to wear for several days in a row, and if she does not wear them, she will lose her temper.
I am very supportive of my daughter's beauty-loving nature.
I would always buy her some beautiful and good clothes and shoes for her to wear; I would buy her dozens of hairlines at a time so that she could change them, of course, these were within my financial limits and did not exceed my monthly expenditure budget.
Children have a heart of love of beauty, is the normal performance of children's brain development, parents can not be sarcastic and sarcastic children, but should give children positive guidance.
Whether boys or girls, at a certain age, they will have a heart for beauty, and parents should support and give correct guidance.
2, the love of beauty of their children parents should not be sarcastic blows.
Many parents do not understand their children's love of beauty, and even sarcastically satirize, feeling that this is not a good phenomenon.
In particular, some parents who live a simple life feel that their children's love of beauty is not a good sign, it will make their children worse, and then they will carry out a suppressive education for their children.
When I was a child, my mother often poured cold water on me because I loved beauty.
My mom used to say that you don't become beautiful just by wearing a beautiful dress or a pair of beautiful shoes, but the beauty of the soul is more important.
If I dress up a little, my mother will joke that I am an ugly woman wearing flowers, and also said that my face is too big, not like the beautiful women on TV, the face of the little melon is beautiful, in short, try every means to tell me not to dress up myself, to hit my love of beauty.
Therefore, before I went to junior high school, I was not confident in my appearance, plus my mother did not like to dress me, always let me wear old, tattered and dirty clothes, so that I had a deep sense of inferiority, my classmates were not very good at untrimmed students, and I was very unhappy in school.
It wasn't until I went to middle school and I was completely self-conscious in life that I dressed up cleanly and tidyly, and I slowly understood that my mother's evaluation of my appearance was extremely unobjective, and others thought I was very beautiful, so why did my mother have to belittle me? This may be a common problem for most parents in China: we must not let our children feel that they are good-looking, and only by percussive education can children improve.
In fact, parents do not dress up for their children, and hitting children will not only make children feel inferior and unconfident, but also form a "broken window effect". We can not believe that we can look at those children who are easily bullied in school, are those who are timid and cowardly, dressed more dirty and broken children, because from the child's less decent appearance, it is easy for outsiders to see that parents do not value you, outsiders will think that you are good bullying, and they will not cherish you even more.
I was a victim of this "broken window effect" when I was in elementary school, and to be honest, it deeply affected my life. I am now as vicious as a vendetta, never familiar with strangers, let people feel a sense of distance, not close, all because I was ridiculed and bullied for no reason when I was in elementary school, and I have a deep sense of vigilance against strangers in my heart.
Of course, everything is positive and negative, there are harms and gains, but for the normal growth of children's physical and mental health, understanding the child's love of beauty, knowing how to respect the child, and learning to dress up the child is indeed a compulsory course for parents.
3, parents should learn to dress up their children, correctly guide their children to dress up and establish a healthy aesthetic.
In fact, dressing up children and buying expensive clothes for children are not equal.
I have always advocated giving children reasonable material needs within the economic range that the family can afford. Dressing up the child well refers to letting the child dress clean, tidy and generous, rather than being careless about the child's clothing, so that the child is dressed inappropriately and cleanly.
Until now, I still can't understand why my mother always made me dress so dirty when I couldn't wash my clothes before I was in the third grade of elementary school, so that I was ridiculed by my classmates. This has nothing to do with money, because after all, it is not difficult to wash your child's clothes a few times.
Later, in retrospect, there were many classmates in the class whose economic conditions were much worse than my family's, and the mothers of others were diligent and knew how to dress up their children, and the children's clothes were very ordinary, even a little old, but they always let the children wear clean and clean, so that the children were very decent when they went to school.
Luxury and waste are not advisable, but clean and tidy clothing, decent appearance is part of a person's mental outlook, parents from an early age to guide their children's healthy aesthetics, will benefit children for a lifetime.
The love of childhood for the pursuit of "beauty" is the regret of many people's lives.
The same is true of Jingjing.
Jing Jing has been wearing her brother and sister's old clothes since she was a child, which makes Jing Jing's childhood unhappy and inferior.
After quietly making money on her own, she had an almost fanatical desire to buy chinese clothes and beautiful clothes, bought a lot of clothes, and the wardrobe was stuffed with clothes, and she couldn't wear them at all.
This "retaliatory, irrational" consumption in quiet adulthood is a kind of compensation for the lack of new clothes in childhood.
Including Jing Jing now likes to buy new clothes for her daughter, she is also subconsciously a kind of compensation for her childhood, she did not get it, she must let her daughter get it.
Let your daughter live a different life than yourself, and don't want your childhood unpleasant experience to repeat itself on your daughter.
Therefore, in the process of raising children, parents' dressing and aesthetic guidance of children will affect the child's life and will also affect the happiness index of the child's life.
Don't think that the child is small, what clothes to wear does not matter, the attentive mother will always work the child's dressing, the old saying that the child walks on the street, dressing and dressing shows the craftsmanship of the mother, this sentence is not outdated now, the child's dress penetrates the mother's aesthetic and love for the child, and also carries the child's childhood and future happiness.