Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
In marriage, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a problem that every woman has to face.
Many times, you feel that you are very wronged, and you are already good to your mother-in-law, why can't you get her approval?
Actually, this can't be blamed on the mother-in-law. Their generation was educated and grew up in a different environment than my generation. So, there are some things that are difficult for us to understand.
For example, the mother-in-law thinks that her daughter-in-law should be a good daughter-in-law, but the daughter-in-law's approach is different from what she thinks, isn't this easy to contradict?
Coupled with the differences in personality, for example, the mother-in-law is more conservative, and the daughter-in-law is more open.
Therefore, if you want to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is not the daughter-in-law who can work hard alone. Both parties need to be able to understand and communicate, and there needs to be time to slowly run in to make the relationship better.
If there are these three characteristics in the mother-in-law, it will often become an insurmountable gap in the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law.
01
Stubborn and difficult to accept new things
Some mothers-in-law have more traditional thinking because of their age and life experience, and they can't accept new things and new ideas at all.
In their eyes, their way of life and values, which have been tested by time, are completely correct. So, it's hard to accept the ideas and practices of young people.
Beibei is a fashionable person who likes to do yoga, bake, and travel with friends in her free time.
But the mother-in-law scoffed at this, thinking that these were "bells and whistles" and useless. It's better to stay at home and keep your home in order.
Therefore, whenever Beibei wants to share the outside world with his mother-in-law, his mother-in-law always responds with the sentence "You young people, you know how to play".
Over time, Beibei didn't want to be bored anymore, so he naturally distanced himself from his mother-in-law.
Albert Einstein once said, "Innovation is the first survival strategy." ”
However, in the eyes of these mothers-in-law, innovation and change are often equated with challenges and threats.
With this kind of stubborn attitude, it is difficult to communicate normally, let alone have a good relationship.
02
Too much interference, lack of a sense of boundaries
In our traditional culture, the elders seem to have a natural "right to guide" the lives of the younger generations.
However, in modern life, this excessive interference often leads to family conflicts.
Especially when the mother-in-law has to interfere in all aspects of her daughter-in-law's life, the daughter-in-law will feel that her private space has been violated and will resist, and naturally she will not have a good attitude.
Zhenzhen's mother-in-law likes to dictate her life. From grocery shopping and cooking, to cleaning, and even the way she and her husband get along, her mother-in-law has to ask about everything one by one.
What makes Zhenzhen most unacceptable is that her mother-in-law often sneaks into her bedroom when she is not at home, turning around and spying on her private life.
This kind of excessive interference made Zhenzhen feel very uncomfortable, and there was more and more friction with her mother-in-law for this.
Victor Hugo once said: "If the relatives are not in harmony, the family will fail." ”
When a mother-in-law interferes too much in her daughter-in-law's life, it will not only make her feel depressed and dissatisfied, but also destroy the harmonious atmosphere of the whole family.
The most important thing is that when the daughter-in-law is dissatisfied, there will be more and more conflicts between them. I do
03
If you are eccentric to your own children, you can't make a bowl of water even
In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there is also a common situation that the mother-in-law favors her own children when dealing with family conflicts.
This kind of eccentric attitude will make the daughter-in-law feel that she is always an "outsider" and is not treated fairly.
Ajuan encountered such a problem, whenever she and her husband had a disagreement, her mother-in-law always stood on her husband's side unprincipledly, accusing and criticizing her.
Even after Ajuan became pregnant and gave birth to a child, her mother-in-law was only enthusiastic about her grandson and turned a blind eye to Ajuan's dedication.
This kind of eccentricity made Ajuan feel cold, and she had a deeper and deeper resentment towards her mother-in-law.
There's an old saying, "The palms of your hands are full of meat." ”
However, in real life, many mothers-in-law find it difficult to do this.
When dealing with family conflicts, they are unprincipled and unfair. This kind of partiality brings only rejection and isolation to the daughter-in-law, destroying family harmony.
Usually, the contradictions and conflicts in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are often not unilateral issues.
As a mother-in-law, if you are stubborn, overly interfering and blindly partial, then it is difficult to get along well in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
As a daughter-in-law, although you must understand and respect the thoughts and practices of your elders, you must also know how to protect yourself and not let yourself be wronged everywhere in the relationship between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the more you live, the more humble you become.