Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
In the eyes of many people, if a woman can find a rich husband and there is true love between the two, then the marriage is perfect.
Indeed, money and feelings are very important in marriage, after all, life needs money to support, and feelings are the foundation of two people together.
However, in order to have a happy marriage, these "two things" alone are not enough.
After all, money is not everything, and it cannot buy true happiness. And people's hearts change, and so do feelings.
So, what is a woman's real confidence in marriage? In fact, it is the following three hole cards.
01
Independent financial capacity
"The economic base determines the superstructure", everyone may have heard this saying.
In fact, the same is true in marriage.
To put it simply, if a woman can make money on her own, then she will be more confident in marriage and her words will be more weighty.
Of course, this does not mean that women have to earn more than men, or that they have to be the breadwinners of the family. But at least I can support myself, and I don't have to rely on my husband.
In this way, when there is something to discuss at home, women can also have a say and will not be looked down upon.
Moreover, with financial ability, women will be more confident in marriage, neither have to look at other people's faces, nor do they have to grieve themselves for money.
Zhang Ailing once said: "Spending a man's money is joyful in my heart." Spend your own money, and your heart is steady. ”
Just like Xiaobei, she had a stable job before she got married, and she didn't give up her job after she got married. Later, although there were problems in her marriage, she had enough money to support herself and her children, and she didn't have to ask anyone at all.
Such women, of course, will be more confident and confident in marriage.
02
The ability to grow self-esteem
Marriage is a major event in life, but it is not the whole of our lives.
So women, don't think that only marriage or a man can bring you happiness and value.
In fact, in addition to marriage, we have a lot of other things to do to make ourselves better, more attractive, and live a happier life.
Xiaoya is a transparent woman, she didn't stop after she got married, but worked harder.
She did a good job at work, and she also found time to learn foreign languages and even learn to cook. With such a her, her husband naturally looked up to her, and their marriage became even sweeter.
Yang Lan once said: "Women should constantly improve themselves and make themselves more connotative and attractive." In this way, you will be able to attract people who appreciate you, regardless of your age. ”
Therefore, women should be smart and not lose themselves in marriage.
Learn more and improve yourself, so that you can be more confident in your marriage, and you can find your own happiness and value, without living grievances.
03
Emotional self-sufficiency
Emotionally not dependent on others, this is actually a point that women need to keep in mind at all times in marriage, but many women don't realize it.
After getting married, they hope that their husbands will always coax and spoil themselves, and once their husbands are a little cold, they can't stand it, as if the sky has fallen, and they don't know how to live at all.
But some women are different, they are very independent emotionally.
Just like Bao'er, she doesn't rely entirely on her husband, but has the ability to make her life happy.
In daily life, she likes to keep a diary and record all her thoughts; She also finds time to do yoga to make the whole person very relaxed; I even took a psychology course to learn how to better deal with my emotions.
So, even if her husband doesn't care about her that much sometimes, she won't care too much.
Because she knows how to make herself happy and how to keep her mind at peace. Such women, of course, can live more comfortably in marriage.
Zhang Ailing once said: "What can really heal you is never time, but understanding, love to the extreme, is fulfillment, but also helpless, no matter who leaves you, don't forget, before he came, you were originally living alone." ”
When you are emotionally self-sufficient and able to meet your own emotional needs on your own, you will not feel pain and loss because of men's neglect or indifference.
Therefore, the best state of a woman in marriage is not how much money or affection she has, but holding the three hole cards of financial independence, self-growth and emotional self-sufficiency.
If you can have it, it will not only allow you to maintain your self and dignity in your marriage, but also make you live more calmly and firmly.
As Beauvoir said, "What makes a woman a woman is not so much born as it is formed." ”
Therefore, women should shape their status in marriage through their own efforts, so that they can become indispensable and the dominant in their own lives.