In the period of love, you should enjoy the sweet stage, but many times, many people can not purely relax to feel the good, simply talk about love.
Lack of security in the relationship will not only make you miserable and sad, but also easier to make couples who could have cultivated positive results disagree or even part ways.
Today we will analyze the "sense of uneasiness" in love.
The lack of security is a human instinct, and the biggest trigger for it often stems from the fact that childhood is not well cared for and cared for, so that sensitivity produces a sense of crisis.
Why is someone insecure in their relationship? Is it the lover's change of heart that we detect?
Although there may not necessarily be evidence that the other party has changed his heart, this sense of uneasiness in love does come from some of the other party's behaviors directly touching the heart.
For example, differences in attitude changes, or just problems found in behavior habits, clues make you smell the sense of crisis and start to worry.
Therefore, a person's uneasiness cannot be a problem of their own mentality, as well as the anxiety caused by excessive sensitivity, usually people who lack security will make them unable to enjoy the current feelings wholeheartedly because of these factors.
Uncertainty about yourself
Uncertainty about oneself is not simply an unconfidence in personal conditions, but also includes unclear criteria for mate selection and future direction.
What kind of life you want to live in the future, whether the other party's economic ability and life mode can match your own needs, whether the future development can adhere to the current model, whether you can give up bread as long as the willfulness of love, whether you can not regret for a lifetime, or give up feelings to give up the material in front of you, whether you will regret it.
Not knowing enough about yourself, nature is full of uncertainty about relationships and the future, and this uneasiness makes you even more confused.
Therefore, if you want to make the emotional relationship harmonious and make yourself feel safe, you must first determine yourself, whether it is the pursuit of life or the bottom line of being a person, and determine yourself, in order to make life solid and secure.
Paul G's first chapter of Security quotes this quote from the original text
"A bird standing in a tree is never afraid of a broken branch, because it believes not in the branches, but in its own wings"
Therefore, the source of many uneasiness is because of the uncertainty about one's own ability, so that the uneasiness that arises.
Uncertainty about your partner
Uncertainty about your partner is not only limited to before the relationship is established, but it is more likely that in the middle of the relationship, some of his (her) behaviors and actions make you feel that you are not valued, or lack of a sense of boundary with the opposite sex, or it may be that you find some behaviors in your daily life that make you worry that the future will affect your quality of life and be uneasy, or even just worry about whether this person can remain unchanged for a lifetime.
When the people around us can't give us 100% and more accurate affirmation and guarantee of love, uneasiness will also arise.
The real driving force of love is not appreciation, but self-interest, when this self-interested information is interfered with, or even transmits negative information, it is difficult to enjoy the feelings of the two people, and the future of suffering from gain and loss may not appear.
To put it bluntly, the uncertainty about the partner is not simply whether he loves himself or not at the moment, but whether the future will change, or whether this person can really become his own partner who can be relied upon to bring happiness to himself.
Uncertainty about relationships is an instinct of crisis awareness
When we were naughty when we were young, our parents would always say the sentence: "If you are like this again, your mother/father will not love (don't) you" to quickly make their children obedient and worry-free.
Therefore, the more we cherish this person's relationship, we will unconsciously develop this sense of crisis for fear that the relationship will be destroyed or lost.
Although we clearly know at this moment that our parents will not really want us, we have naturally formed a sense of fear and worry, and it is impossible for blood relatives to say that they are broken, but the lover is even more uncertain.
No matter what people eventually become, they cannot escape the fate of childhood trauma, and if they want to get the ultimate healing, they must restore their connection with their parents in order to face their own problems and know how to adjust.
Life is a living process, to obtain a full sense of security, first of all, we must respect the speed of natural development, to respect this law.
Where does security come from?
To use the author's original interpretation, it is that "each kind of early deprivation creates a different syndrome, and the intersection is a generalization of insecurity and insecurity."
Therefore, many of the problems in front of people should be traced back to find the cause, and should not use brute force in the wrong direction.
END
Text/Relief Emotional Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.