01
I want to ask all my female friends a question: Suppose you have a big sister who is divorced, would you agree to her coming to live in your home?
Writer Zhang Defen once said:
"The truth of marriage is actually the integration of a person and a family."
Girls go to a new family environment after marriage, want to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and sister-in-law, and integrate into the man's family faster, often make concessions on some things, in an attempt to get the approval of the other family as soon as possible.
In some male families with many brothers and sisters, it is inevitable that they will encounter the situation of their sisters divorcing and wanting to live in their in-laws' homes permanently. Whether or not to agree to let the eldest sister come back to live has become a dilemma for many women.
What makes women really entangled is not to let the big sister come back to live, but to be afraid of being close to each other, but to pull the distance away from the heart because of some trivial life.
After all, there are many "outsiders" in the small family, and it is really not such a simple thing as adding a pair of chopsticks and giving a place to live. A little detail that is not handled well can cause irreparable damage to each other's relationship.
If there is another unclear mother-in-law, a foolish husband, and a difficult sister-in-law, it is estimated that the family will be three dozen and one every day.
Wei Wei (pseudonym) spread such a mess, so angry that she sold the dowry house and drove all the in-laws out of the house.
02
Vivi has been a well-read and reasonable girl since she was a child, and she is particularly real and unpretentious.
Husband Chen Kai is a typical phoenix man, and the family conditions are not very good. Mother-in-law, people are not bad but very eccentric, partial to the sister and partial husband. In her heart, even if their old Chen family lived in Wei Wei's dowry room, Wei Wei was also the only outsider in this family.
Since the ancient mother-in-law relationship is not good, the mother-in-law treats herself as an outsider, and Vivi can also understand. So as long as it is not a matter of principle, she does not care like her mother-in-law. As a wife and daughter-in-law, she should fulfill the responsibilities and obligations, she also never slackened off, single-mindedly wanting to run her marriage well.
Before the eldest sister did not come, although the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was as respectful as ice, there was not much contradiction.
But then the eldest sister divorced, and moved back to her mother's house without saying hello (in fact, she moved to Vivi's house), and everything became different.
The eldest sister was a few years older than Vivi and was only in her early thirties. According to the husband, the man had another woman outside, and the sister couldn't stand it, so she proposed a divorce.
But this marriage is very strange. It is reasonable to say that the man is at fault first, how can the eldest sister also strive for a room and a half car, how can she get out of the house, not even a residence?
However, Vivi did not dare to ask in detail, after all, it is not a glorious thing, who would want to mention it.
In order to welcome the arrival of the eldest sister, Vivi deliberately cleaned and rearranged the guest room. On weekends, she is often invited to go shopping and watch movies together, see clothes and bags that suit her, and buy them and send them to her without any pain.
In order to alleviate the bad mood of the eldest sister and let her come out of the haze of divorce as soon as possible, Vivi also spent a lot of money before and after.
However, the attitude of the eldest sister to Vivi has always been lukewarm and lukewarm, and she enjoys Vivi's efforts with peace of mind. Sometimes she would lose her temper with Vivi for no reason, and Vivi would only put up with it again and again when she was in a bad mood.
On the other hand, the mother-in-law still felt that Vivi was not doing enough. Not only does she maintain her aunt everywhere in her life, but she also seizes the opportunity to support Vivi to serve their mother and daughter on weekdays.
Although they are all small things such as cutting fruit and running errands, every time they are busy, they must immediately put down the things at hand to deal with, and the number of times is more, and Vivi can't help but be a little upset.
With the accumulation of one small contradiction after another, the feelings between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and sister-in-law gradually have a gap.
What really made her make up her mind to sell the dowry house was an incident that happened later.
Not long ago, Wei Wei temporarily worked overtime and could not go home, so she asked her aunt to help buy vegetables, and then she traveled for a few days, and forgot about the matter of giving money to her sister when she was busy.
After the mother-in-law knew, she was very angry, and she decided that Vivi was deliberately letting her sister spend money, and she wanted to drive her sister away in a different way. She relentlessly accused Vivi, saying that she looked Sven on the surface, but she did not expect to think so hard in private, calculating her relatives.
Vivi was angry but her mother-in-law said this to herself, and muttered a few words back.
It's okay not to return the mouth, but I can't go back. The drama queen mother-in-law covered her chest, looked angry, and cried "Oops, Oops" on the side.
The husband was very angry when he saw her "disobedience" to her mother-in-law. Involuntarily rushing to her, pointing at her nose and scolding. She was said to be unfilial and had lost her feminine virtues.
Wei Wei looked at her husband's unreasonable appearance, and she was even more disappointed. The couple quarreled with each other.
The eldest sister was not idle, joined this family war, and "crusaded" Vivi with her mother-in-law and husband's unified camp. The scene was chaotic.
Looking at the three fierce gods and evil families on the other side, Wei Wei felt extremely wronged.
At the same time, she felt that her efforts were not worth it, so she shouted for them to get out of her dowry room.
But where the in-laws are willing to listen, they justifiably rely on it and not go, saying that Vivi in this family is an outsider, and it is also Vivi who wants to go.
Vivi had never seen such a brazen person, packed her bags and moved back to her mother's house, and then hung up the dowry room to the agent and asked them to help sell it.
Due to the good location of the dowry house and the school district room, the house quickly got rid of it.
The in-laws scolded and grinned and moved out of the dowry room, threatening to divorce her daughter-in-law.
Vivi only replied "casually" and hung up the phone. Leave away, who is afraid of whom!
03
The ancients often said that distance produces beauty, which is really appropriate to put in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The rupture of many couples' feelings in life is often caused by the cohabitation of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
And through Vivi's story, we also understand the following two truths.
One: The secret of family harmony is to compare hearts to hearts and think in a different position.
Zhu Deyong once said:
"Difficult love is the moonlight, poetry, thirty-six thousand roses, plus eternity; but the difficult marriage is the account book, the certificate, the thirty-six-five thousand quarrels, plus patience."
A woman comes to the man's home alone, whether it is for the woman herself or the man's family members, it is a process of different three views and living habits.
Therefore, if you want to have a harmonious family and a happy marriage, everyone in the family is required to think from heart to heart and empathy.
Especially the family where the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live together.
Two generations living under the same roof, it is easy to see some different living habits, you are not used to me, I can't get used to you. If we can understand each other's difficulties, have more tolerance and understanding, and run in, the days will be smoother and smoother.
But if one party always treats the other party as an outsider, always holding on to some trivial skins and not sparing, it will only make the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law worse, and the more difficult it is to repair.
Two: Smart daughter, will not live in the mother's house.
People always say that a daughter who marries has no home, a mother-in-law who cannot be integrated, and a mother-in-law who cannot go back.
It's brutal, but it's true.
After a girl gets married, if there are brothers in the mother's family and the brothers have become relatives and have wives and children, then for whatever reason, it is best not to live in the mother's house permanently.
Not to mention whether there is a historical contradiction between the sister-in-law and the mother-in-law, after living together, the problems caused by each other's three views, living habits, and small frictions are enough to change the mentality of both sides and cause the original intimate relationship to be estranged.
And most women go back to their mother's house, they will have such a mentality: this is the place where I grew up, I can do whatever I want to do, and scare anyone who wants to.
Once this idea arises, coupled with her mother's calf protection psychology, then when there is a contradiction between sisters-in-law, the mother undoubtedly stands in the position of her own daughter and fights against her daughter-in-law.
Even some like Vivi's mother-in-law, because of a daughter-in-law's negligence, they are sensitive in their hearts, randomly speculate on the intentions of their daughter-in-law, and eventually provoke contradictions, so that things develop in a worse direction, and also disrupt the son's marriage.
Therefore, any woman who is willing to think about her in-laws' family and the happiness of her brother will not always live in her mother's house.
After all, in the future, the old mother will be older, and she will have to rely on her brothers and daughters-in-law to provide for the elderly. It's not good for anyone to freeze the relationship, you say?
Text/No Pen