A few days ago, Selina and her 7-year-old boyfriend held hands and dressed as a couple to attend Huang Ziling's birthday party.
This is the first time that the two have publicly shared the same frame after the official announcement of their new relationship in early March.
Hot love for half a year, generous official announcement, this sister-brother love, sweet is really sweet.
The little boyfriend privately calls Selina "Xuanbao".
The two talked about selina's injured skin grafting process, and the little boyfriend's answer was also gentle enough to make her cry.
"He said, I'm like a mermaid with feet."
"Every time I tell this to my sister, I cry bitterly, thinking that his statement is so beautiful, and his statement is so beautiful that I like the feeling of my legs." 」
Even Ella couldn't help but sigh:
"She fell in love again like a 16-year-old girl, and the whole person emitted pink bubbles, which was really precious!"
Only, when Selina was asked about her next plans, she said, who was immersed in love:
"At this stage, I don't want to get married again, but enjoy the moment first."
Although it has been six years since she ended her last marriage, Selina is not in a hurry and is not in a hurry to enter the next marriage at all.
Like Selina, there's Gillian.
She also said before: "I don't think I will get married again, it is enough to marry once." ”
For them —
Getting married is like punching a card, and after one punch, you complete the KPI.
Divorce is equal to a holiday, whether in love or single, very comfortable.
Typical sister Shuangwen.
Their "punch-card marriage" seems to be the life choice of many women around you and me.
But looking back at their last marriage, Shuangwen was originally written on the scars.
After walking through the detour of marriage, I have the freedom of the moment.
And everything --
Start with the moment they decide to get married.
Why did they get married and why did they get divorced?
In the beginning, Selina didn't want to get married.
Before the wedding, she voluntarily withdrew from marriage twice.
The explosion accident that happened a month after she and Zhang Chengzhong were engaged, 54% of the serious burns completely shattered Selina's life.
The long recovery of gritting her teeth plunged her into a demon, and when it was severe, she "hated everyone around her".
The closer people are, the more they hate, especially their parents and fiancé Zhang Chengzhong.
Under the double torture of body and heart, she twice wanted to cancel the marriage contract and refused to marry.
But from beginning to end, Zhang Chengzhong did not abandon her, insisted on accompanying her, and also stressed to the outside world that he could not wait to marry Selina.
A year after the accident, Selina, 30, was persuaded to get married.
The marriage lasted less than 5 years.
Many people were not surprised when they divorced, because even to outsiders, the marriage was somewhat like completing a task.
That accident has changed the mood of the two people getting married.
As can be seen from Selina's long post when she divorced—
Marriages, built on emotion and responsibility, were in danger from the start.
"For Azhong, I am full of gratitude, in my most painful and vulnerable time, he spent with me and gave me wholehearted support."
When life got back on track, "the problems between us surfaced one by one."
Under the expectation of the other half, Selina was pushed into marriage.
It wasn't until after taking a detour that she faced her heart, ended the relationship, and returned to singlehood.
The same detour, Gillian also walked again.
Like Selina, Gillian hesitated before she got married.
Just after the wedding party, she regretted marrying Lai Hongguo because she found that she did not love him very much.
But after the two discussed, they decided to try again.
After trying for 14 months, Ah Jiao still failed to fall in love with Lai Hongguo after marriage, and took the initiative to file for divorce, declaring the marriage a failure.
Source: Lai Hongguo Weibo
The relationship between the two begins with Gillian's hesitation and ends with her determination, like an absurd drama of illness and chaos.
Why did the marriage choice come to this point?
Gillian's reason is actually a bit sad.
She said that she decided to get married because she liked Lai Hongguo's family, and his Kochi parents gave her a very happy family atmosphere.
For Gillian, whose father died when she was young and was displaced from an early age, the sense of security given by the family is crucial.
And once married, it also means that her past love road has finally come to fruition, and with marriage as the dividing line, she can start her life again.
Therefore, the 37-year-old Ah Jiao, even if there is no firm love and unswerving faith between her and Lai Hongguo, has chosen to close her eyes and hurry into marriage.
Give it a try, what if it turns out to be good?
Gillian and Selina's original path was so similar—
A beautiful and fateful girl should have a trustworthy person, the conditions do not need to be outstanding, can heal her past trauma, ordinary through the rest of her life, is the best ending.
This is the expectation of their fate.
And marriage is probably a special medicine to get rid of the shadow of the past and change your destiny.
It's not so much marriage as it is about giving an account of marriage.
This is given to oneself and also to the outside world.
Female stars like Selina and Gillian will also be pushed to play the wedding card.
The social clock and secular pressures are catching up with ordinary women, and it can be imagined.
Wedding card, one hit is enough
I remember that before Zhou Xun divorced, many people did not even know that she was married.
Zhou Xun got married, went through a formality, and got lonely.
When Zhao Liying was divorced, some people also said that she got married and had children like completing the task, and divorced to concentrate on her career.
There is no doubt that female celebrities have ushered in the era of divorce freedom.
But very few people ask —
Why has the concept of marriage and love improved, and female celebrities still go forward to play the marriage card, like completing an unavoidable life process?
Without him.
Under secular standards, women's values are firmly bound to marriage.
As Beauvoir said in The Second Sex —
Traditionally, the fate that society has given to women is marriage.
Most women today are still married, married, ready to get married, or suffering from not being married
Therefore, under such standards, even if female celebrities have more say in the marriage market because of the improvement of their economic status, even the immunity of late marriage.
But they also only have the freedom to divorce, and still do not have the full freedom not to marry.
This is especially true for ordinary people.
Marriage punch card, there will be a chance, unmarried women must be ready for the storm at any time.
There was an outrageous news a few days ago that the mother asked her daughter, who was only 20 years old, to take a leave of absence from school to go on a blind date.
She hated her daughter for being 22 years old, and every day she was living in a muddy state, and the normal girls 23 were married.
If the epidemic is closed, if you can't go out, you can take leave, and if you don't go on a blind date, don't go into the house.
And this kind of comprehensive age humiliation, personal total denial, and marriage anxiety that is only exported to women abounds.
There is a 34-year-old female lawyer who is surrounded by seven aunts and eight aunts because she is not married:
"You're not married, we can't even lift our heads here."
"Women who don't get married are not normal."
"You're just reading books and reading stupid."
Image source "Leftover Girl"
Even if the 40-year-old strong woman has a successful career, she independently buys luxury cars and lives in villas in Shenzhen.
But in her father's eyes, she was not married and had no children, and no matter how much money she had, she still achieved nothing.
A female architect in the documentary "Chinese Marriage" feels helpless:
"I studied hard, worked hard, had a decent salary, could do what I wanted to do, and until now I became an architect.
But when I got home, I was a loser. ”
More than a decade ago, this category of 30-year-old, unmarried, childless women, and an exclusive title —
Defeated dogs.
Japanese writer Junko Sakai said:
A beautiful and capable woman, as long as she is over the marriageable age or single, is a defeated dog;
A mediocre and incompetent woman, as long as she gets married and has children, is a winning dog.
In 2009, there was a blockbuster puppet called "Queen of Defeated Dogs", and the heroine was a strong woman with high education, high income and high age.
She is 33 years old, beautiful online, successful in her career, but because she is discriminated against because she is single, she is labeled as a "bad dog".
Did you find it?
Under this set of rules, all women are drawn onto the same track.
Regardless of the economic level and status, whether "married" or not is always evaluating women's first gradient.
Married to get a socially designated seat, unmarried must be beaten as "loser".
If a woman does not play a marriage card, she will be judged and offended again and again by her parents, relatives and even strangers from all over.
Dou Wentao could ask Yu Feihong in person:
Why have you been single until now?
Do you think it's normal for an old man to stay alone?
Yu Feihong has a strong and self-consistent self and can handle it decently.
But not everyone is like Yu Feihong, with a tough core.
The sound of the outside world will easily overshadow the wavering self of ordinary people.
The defeated dogs who were forced into a desperate situation could only rush to save themselves.
They are forced into the marriage market and put themselves at a price tag.
I'd rather retreat to the second place, but also hurried into the marriage track and punch the clock to finish things.
As for whether the other party is suitable or not, whether the marriage will be happy, you can consider it in the future.
The point is that getting a marriage certificate can get rid of the current loser dilemma.
But ironically, when a woman gets married and then gets divorced, those judgments and shackles magically disappear.
With the end of their marriage, they became "married" single free women, banished, exempted, and unbound.
Usher in a truly free second life.
A growing sample of women is welcome
Selina and Gillian, who have been divorced, have both been exempted.
After punching the card, they are almost not urged to marry again, not in a hurry to get married, and enjoy love wholeheartedly.
There are more and more women like them who are not bound by the traditional mode of marriage and love.
After Faye Wong and Nicholas Tse got back together, they fell in love for 7 years and have not talked about marriage so far.
Yang Mi said that love is always worthy of being treated sincerely, and he is looking forward to love every day.
Ma Yili is also looking forward to the occurrence of love:
"We can pursue love at any age, and we all have the right to love."
After Zhang Yuqi and Li Shanxi peacefully broke up, they could hug their new boyfriend of 10 years old on the street.
Asa, who has been married for 11 years, is enjoying her time in love with her boyfriend.
Like Gillian, it is not certain whether she will get married or have children in the future.
They have all experienced marriage, and there is no preset KPI, the pressure of punching in, and the anxiety of rushing to the next journey.
Instead, it ushered in a long holiday with no deadline, looking forward to love and enjoying love.
Maybe for them, it's not that marriage is bad.
Rather, this state of self-enjoyment is better.
When there are more such women, the more reference samples are provided to ordinary people, and we can see more diverse forms of intimate relationships.
Intimacy is not only the path of marriage, it is not the end of life, but a way for us to connect with the world.
When our perception is changing, it means that it will also change.
Even marriage itself is not just one thing.
For example, after Yui Niigaki and HoshinoGen got married, the couple chose to live separately.
They live in the same building, but have their own homes, live separately when they are busy at work, do not disturb each other, and will go to each other's homes to "visit the door" when they have time.
This kind of "separation marriage" is becoming popular among young people in Japan.
Previously, there was also a kind of "two-headed marriage" in Jiangsu and Zhejiang.
This kind of marriage does not distinguish between male and female marriages, and there is no dowry.
After marriage, the husband and wife maintain a certain contact with their respective original families, and the two parties maintain independence in intimacy.
The traditional mode of marriage and love is quietly changing, and we are all learning and coexisting with more inclusive and diverse relationship forms.
Last year was a big year of divorce in the entertainment industry, and Zhao Liying and Li Xiang, who were divorced, were congratulated by netizens.
Big S, who recently lived in the headlines, can flash marry his first love 20 years ago after three months of divorce.
This is again the new narrative of women's marriage.
The progress of concepts is liberating us from the traditional single mode of marriage and love little by little, allowing us to gradually grow into independent and vital individuals.
The humiliation of "leftover women" and "defeated dogs" will eventually become a thing of the past.
Women's life decisions, there is no victory or defeat, only whether to think independently and follow the heart.
Scholar Liang Yong'an said:
"To be a truly living person, to maintain a very cherished value within the spirit, not to start a relationship casually, not to be pushed into a marriage by the world, but to carefully choose the only true love in life." 」
Yes, we should all be truly alive people.
Maintain the value within your own spirit, cherish love, and treat marriage with caution.
Everything in the world has a shelf life, but we don't expect love.
Just in time for spring, be sure to remember to love in time.
For the uncertain tomorrow, I am more hopeful about myself. She published