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Anna Karenina: "Happy families are the same, unhappy families are different. ”
In fact, whether it is a happy family and an unhappy family, or a happy person and an unfortunate person, there are common points and differences.
The so-called happiness is the same, unhappiness is different, but it is a personal subjective cognition.
When a person is sad alone, he will unconsciously distinguish himself from others, thinking that others are a type of person, he is a kind of person, and others are people who have the same happiness, but he is the most unfortunate person under the heavens.
There are so many people as unfortunate as you or more unfortunate than you, and you just amplify your own misfortune, like the lyrics of a song: "I am the saddest person in the world!" "No! You're not!
This way of thinking is not good for people's physical and mental development, because after amplifying sadness, they will follow the wrong direction and easily lose hope in life.
The following reader is caught in such an anxiety, let's take a look.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I thought that "raising children and preventing old age" was a natural thing, and I thought that after helping my son get married, I could also dip into the light and live a good life, but it did not.
It was only when he needed to fulfill his filial piety that I found out that whether I could rely on my son or not depended on my daughter-in-law. My son needed to look at his daughter-in-law's face and act, so much so that I was also bound by this fact in disguise.
Although the house was bought by my son, although the house was bought to make a marriage house for the couple, but the money was paid by me, why can't I live? Why didn't my daughter-in-law let me live?
I didn't say that I occupied the marriage room, I didn't say that I wouldn't leave, and I didn't live down and do nothing wrong, so why did she drive me away?
My son has just gotten married, can't I go and dip into the joy? Can't I go for a few days? She actually said to me, "Stay and be a bride!" I'm divorced! ”
She actually threatened me, and directly poked my soft underbelly, she knew that I could not let my son divorce just after marriage, deliberately saying such words to stimulate me, really made me very uncomfortable.
All this happened under my son's eyes, but he was indifferent, allowing his daughter-in-law to play tricks, and finally urged me to leave quickly: "Since my daughter-in-law has already spoken, you are not welcome to live in our house, are you not staying to find trouble for me?" Can you bear to see us arguing? In case she does divorce me, who is to blame? ”
There was nothing I could do, so I had to get out of their house in disgrace. My husband asked me how I had just returned, and I almost cried. Do I want to come back? Do I want to be kicked away by my daughter-in-law? Everything was out of my control, and there was nothing I could do about it.
My husband scolded his son, but he only scolded him, and nothing changed. I could clearly feel that after he married his daughter-in-law, he changed, and his mind was on his daughter-in-law.
I couldn't understand it, and I didn't think it should be. Although he said that he should take care of his own small family when he got married, he was born to me, I raised him, and he didn't care about any kindness. Why? Why isn't this the case with someone else's son?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Her last statement is the same as the problem we mentioned earlier, she believes that other people's sons are filial to their parents, and other parents have achieved child raising and prevention of old age, except that she has raised a white-eyed wolf, and only she is the most unfortunate.
Of course, this is not the case, other parents can not all stain the light of their sons, and those who have the same experience with her exist to you, and people who are more unfortunate than her also exist.
If she has been thinking in this way of thinking, she will only drill the horns and will only compete with herself. Although the troubles were caused by her son and daughter-in-law, if she kept fighting with herself, she would eventually become a self-inflicted trouble.
There is no need to force changes in the things that cannot be changed at the moment, which will only increase the annoyance. Instead of wasting time demanding that what can't be changed, take more time to change what can be changed.
What she can change is herself, her mindset, her way of thinking, and her relationship with her son, all of which can be changed from her own perspective.
Since whether you can rely on your son depends on your daughter-in-law, and your daughter-in-law does not allow your son to become your dependence, then don't bother, take advantage of the fact that you have hands and feet to move, rely on yourself to pave some happy factors for future life, it is the most reliable.