Emotions are a testament to being born unique, everyone has different emotions, but everyone's story is the same, hello! Hello, I am Lele, pay attention to my words, into your heart!
There is a line in "The Biography of Zhen Huan":
If others help you, that is the love point, not to help you, that is the duty.
Helping you is the love, not helping is the duty. In this world, apart from parents being unconditionally good to you, nothing is taken for granted.
In real life, duty and affection are often confused. Often, some people will regard the feelings of others as their due duty.
Take the care and affection of others for granted, and once the other party does not continue to give, feelings of disappointment, hurt, and even anger will come to mind.
In fact, this is a manifestation of the lack of psychological boundaries.
Meng Fei, the host of "Non-sincere Do Not Disturb", once said:
Someone asked you to help, originally expected you to help ten points, but you only helped seven points, and you felt that you were not righteous for convenience, and instead of thanking you, you felt that you owed him three points. Many people have a grudge because of this.
People who lack psychological boundaries often hold a moral kidnapping attitude of "you help me as you should, if you don't help me, you won't fight righteousness", so that the relationship eventually breaks down.
Many times, the help of others to you only comes from a friendship, a kindness, not an obligation. Therefore, helping you is a sentiment, please be grateful; not helping is the duty, please understand.
No matter how good the relationship is, it will stop at nature. Similarly, no matter how good the relationship is, the help must also be measured to prevent "rising Mien and fighting rice revenge".
As it is said in "Hanging Mirror in the World": Grace cannot be passed, excessive giving is not continued, and if it is not continued, it is resentful.
The human heart is insoluble, and even if you take everything out, you may not be able to fill the list of other people's desires. Once you can't meet the other person's expectations, resentment arises.
01. The phoenix man is very good, but not a good husband
Knowingly, netizen Xie Ya (pseudonym) posted and asked:
My mother-in-law is terminally ill, phoenix male husband because my parents did not try their best to help, and I have been in a cold war for more than half a year, so far there is no sign of improvement, such a marriage should continue?
Xie Ya and her husband Xu Yuan (pseudonym) have been married for 10 years, have a 9-year-old child, both have formal jobs, have a stable income, and are more than enough than the top.
Xu Yuan is a real phoenix man, he single-handedly broke through from the difficult environment, broke into the big city, and took root.
People are polyhedrons, with advantages and disadvantages coexisting. Xu Yuan has a good character, kindness, integrity, filial piety, but he is also stubborn, extreme, high IQ and low emotional intelligence.
Xu Yuan's family is not well-off, the family is surrounded by disciples, and his parents have no culture and have been farming for a long time.
But he has a tough personality and relies on himself. The cost of college is paid by borrowing it yourself, and the same is true for buying a house and getting married, and my parents have not spent a penny from beginning to end.
Xu Yuan also has an advantage, a strong sense of responsibility.
In terms of reading, his son was basically taken care of by him, and Xie Ya hardly had to worry about it. He attaches great importance to education, has great expectations of his son, and puts his own efforts into practice.
Every day when he returned home at noon, Xu Yuan would help his son with his homework and analyze the wrong questions with his son; every night, he would regularly check his son's English reading and back.
Every day after dinner, he will take his son out for a walk and talk, accompany his son to exercise, and take his son out to play on weekends.
He has a very good relationship with his son, communicates fluently, and his son respects him.
Xu Yuan also has a younger brother and a younger sister, the younger brother is Chinese, belongs to the kind of mud that can't support the wall, but he has never given up the promotion of his younger brother.
My sister is only an ordinary junior college, and she is married, and she is also urged by him to take various certificates.
As for his parents, Xu Yuan is even more filial piety.
There is no doubt that Xu Yuan is a good father, a good son, and a good brother, but Xie Ya does not feel that he is a good husband.
02. The mother-in-law is sick and the marital equilibrium is broken
Xie Ya and him in terms of consumption concepts, life concepts, there are many differences, after years of running-in, the two barely able to raise eyebrows, respect each other, life is still relatively calm and stable.
However, in April last year, her mother-in-law was diagnosed with serious illness, breaking the original equilibrium of Xie Ya's married life.
After the mother-in-law fell ill, xu Yuan was busy on the run. He took his mother-in-law to the provincial city hospital to find a specialist to do examinations and formulate a treatment plan.
Finally, he returned to his city for chemotherapy and combination immunotherapy.
The mother-in-law has agricultural insurance, but she originally paid the money according to the minimum payment amount, and there are not many expenses that can really be reimbursed. Therefore, after a few months, the cost is not small.
Xu Yuan quickly spent his family savings.
When they first got married, the down payment of the house was proportionally funded, Xu Yuan only accounted for 30%, the rest was from Xie Ya's parents, after marriage Xu Yuan was responsible for repaying the loan, and Xie Ya was responsible for living expenses.
Xu Yuan's salary is relatively high, but he has to honor his parents and help his younger siblings, and he has not saved much money over the years.
Since her mother-in-law fell ill, Xie Ya has been responsible for all the expenses of the family, including the mortgage.
Fortunately, Xie Ya's family is well-off, her parents are working in the system, they not only help Xie Ya bring up children, but also often take money to subsidize small families.
This time, the mother-in-law fell ill, and when she was just admitted to the hospital, her parents took 50,000 yuan to Xu Yuan. Later, after surgery, my parents paid another 30,000 yuan.
However, Xu Yuan, who was cornered, wanted Xie Ya to go back to her parents to borrow money.
At this time, the mother-in-law's condition has become more and more serious, and it has spread.
Parents have consulted friends in related industries and know that the mother-in-law's situation, excessive treatment will only increase the pain of patients, but also bring a heavy financial burden to the patient's family.
03. Parents' National Day travel plan provokes Phoenix man
However, the filial Xu Yuan believes that "he can do his best to do his best", and as long as his mother has a glimmer of life, he will do his best to heal.
Xie Ya knew that he was uncomfortable in his heart, and advised him not to be too stubborn, some things were destined to be unable to change the outcome.
Xie Ya also told him that his parents usually helped a lot, the money for his son to participate in basketball and swimming training camps was paid by his parents, and this year's property fee was also paid by his parents...
The parents have retired and they have tried their best.
After Xu Yuan listened, his face was gloomy and he did not speak.
Soon after, it was National Day.
Xie Ya's parents and several retired old friends made an appointment to spend a 7-day trip on National Day together very early. A few days before leaving, they informed Xie Ya of their National Day travel plans.
When Xu Yuan learned about it, his eyes immediately turned red.
Unbalanced, he accuses Xie Ya's parents of being ruthless and unjust, and his mother dying in a hospital bed, refusing to help, preferring to spend money on meaningless travel.
For more than half a year, Xie Ya lived in a depressed atmosphere, emotionally unstable, coupled with heavy financial pressure, she was quickly provoked by Xu Yuan's words.
Xie Ya thinks that her parents spend their own money to travel, what is wrong? As for the mother-in-law's medical expenses, it is not the obligation of parents, they help is a sentiment, not to help is a duty.
The couple had a big fight. To make matters worse, my mother-in-law died of illness a few days later.
04. If you want to leave, why should you be unwilling
After dealing with the aftermath, Xu Yuan was immersed in sadness, and his face was always gloomy for Xie Ya. Xie Ya knew that he had a heart knot, so she tried to compromise and carefully enlighten him, but he ignored it.
This life lasted for half a year.
Xie Ya could no longer bear it, and directly showed Xu Yuan: if you want to leave, why should you be so unwilling.
Xu Yuan did not want to leave at all, he could not bear the consequences, and most importantly, he was worried that his son would be affected. However, the resentment in his heart does not mean that he can let go of it when he lets go.
In fact, Xie Ya did not want to leave very much, she gave Xu Yuan a week to consider, and said bluntly: if you want to leave, do as you please.
Looking at Xu Yuan's gloomy face, Xie Ya was very confused, should such a marriage continue?
Psychologist Wu Zhihong said: The sense of boundary is weak, which is the reason why many emotions have become hurtful weapons.
Xu Yuan is undoubtedly a person who lacks psychological boundaries, and in his consciousness, his wife marrying him is his person, and his wife's parents should also revolve around him.
In Xu Yuan's feelings, whether it is his wife or his wife's parents, helping him is not a love, but a duty.
Therefore, when Xie Ya's parents did not continue to help him, he resented.
Well, today is here, LeLe hopes that each issue of the story can bring friends a little emotional thinking, like Lele please pay attention to me, to the article like collection recommended Oh, thank you we will see you in the next issue ~